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the impact her pursuit to have a baby was having on her relationship. Her interpretation of Paul’s behaviour was that he wasn’t interest ed in any suggestion she made about treatments, and she felt that he was blocking her at every point. After our consultation she felt she really understood where he was coming from and felt much calmer as a result.

      Women in their late thirties/early forties

      This age group accounts for a large percentage of the women I see. Often they are career women who have got used to high degrees of control over their environment, and are in uncharted territory when they can’t control their own fertility.

      Although some come just for a pre-conception ‘check’, many have been trying for a while. Some have been down the IVF route unsuccessfully; often there is a history of ‘unexplained’ infertility or recurrent miscarriage, or some anxiety about their fertility cycle. Some couples are taking ovulation-stimulating drugs such as Clomid, or doing intrauterine insemination, and want to improve the chances of conception by supporting and preparing their bodies. Some have been recommended for egg donation without having had a full, clinical work-up or assessment. Very often they have been to only one clinic and were told they have had a poor response and no eggs. Going to another clinic might have meant a better result. In short, there are many factors to consider.

      If you have been trying for a while:

      • Have you had a diagnosis and have you both been tested?

      • How is it affecting you emotionally?

      • Are you nagging or resentful of each other?

      • Is your relationship starting to suffer?

      • Are you losing the balance in your life?

      • Are you giving up everything?

      • Has your sex life been affected?

      • Are you ready to move on to assisted fertility?

       The starting-place for these couples has to be an in-depth analysis and discussion with the couple about where they currently feel themselves to be, covering any anxieties or misunderstandings. Without this, there isn’t an adequate baseline from which to work. Some couples, especially those who have been round the infertility block a few times, feel that this is unnecessary, as they have already had many medical interviews and tests. In my experience, however, many clinics are not thorough enough when it comes to identifying what the problem might be. Often I find that couples have not even been asked how frequently they have sex! All the medical tests in the world will make no difference if a couple are having sex only twice a month. If the length of a woman’s cycle hasn’t been worked out properly, any chance of getting the timing of ovulation right is unlikely. As I mentioned earlier, a lot of couples get fast-tracked into assisted conception without a proper assessment. I am sure that this is key to the success we have in helping couples achieve happy, healthy pregnancies.

      My Programme

      The programme I have devised to help couples always works alongside Western medicine while incorporating complementary therapies and Traditional Chinese Medicine. Looking at the whole picture enables me to come up with an appropriate plan. The main message I try to get across is keep it simple. So many couples are running down too many routes with no focus. The initial consultation enables me to look at lifestyle factors and the range of treatments on offer – fertility awareness, nutrition, detox, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, abdominal massage, deep breathing, manual lymphatic drainage (MLD) and counselling. There’s more about all of these later in the book. Depending on what suits the couple, usually there are two or three treatments undertaken over a period of four to six weeks, with a review every three months.

      The most important thing we offer is support and advice. I believe you can get through anything if you feel supported.

      Right from the start, when I first see a couple I stress that they must be flexible in their thinking and not become obsessive. I advise against information overload: endlessly trawling the Internet investigating other people’s experiences or solutions may not be relevant, and can even be unhelpful. I recommend trying to keep things in perspective – although many couples feel they have had to give up a lot in order to achieve conception, there is still room to enjoy life as a couple. This should never be forgotten.

      I also advise couples to keep in mind that their difficulties with conception, if they arise, are relatively temporary. Actually starting a family may seem like a long haul, but in the greater scheme of things this will represent only a short period in your relationship – it’s important to keep this in mind. Long after your fertility problems are resolved, your relationship will still be there – so it’s worth nurturing and making time for. A good relationship will also sustain you when things get difficult.

part one the basics

       understanding female fertility

      This may sound strange, but many women today have no idea what a normal menstrual cycle is – many of them have been on the Pill for 15 years or more, so this is hardly surprising. Women often feel embarrassed that they don’t know everything about their fertility, and this lack of basic knowledge isn’t helped by the numerous myths out there about what they should and should not be doing in order to conceive successfully!

      I am very fortunate to work alongside Jane Knight, who has done so much to raise awareness for women in this area of fertility. I encourage all women to attend a fertility awareness session, because even if you understand the basics, your cycle is unique to you. At our clinic, the aim is to make it easy to understand when and how ovulation occurs, without getting obsessed about it – which months of ‘charting’ can do to you. As Jane says:

      An understanding of fertility – fertility awareness – is an important life skill and is every woman’s right. My work involves providing fertility – awareness sessions for both men and women. During a consultation I explain how a woman can identify the fertile ‘window’ during her menstrual cycle. I also help men to understand their own reproductive potential. Couples who understand the key concepts of fertility are in a much better position to understand how fertility declines with age and how factors may damage, reduce, enhance or optimize fertility.

      Female Reproductive Organs

      The primary indicator of fertility for a woman is her cervical secretions – because this relates so closely to oestrogen levels and ovulation – so we encourage women to focus on this, alongside ovulation-predictor kits or temperature charting, because it is just as important as good nutrition, relaxation and you and your partner’s health in your efforts to conceive.

      A Woman’s Fertility

      At birth, every baby girl is born with a full complement of immature eggs in her ovaries – around 2 million, although only between 300–400 will mature during her lifetime – which sounds as if the whole process should be pretty straightforward. But it is the maturation, release (at ovulation), fertilization and implantation of one of these eggs that results in pregnancy. No new egg cells are produced after you are born, so it’s worth thinking about what those egg cells need in order to mature successfully and produce an egg capable of being fertilized. A woman’s eggs are her most precious reserve, and need looking after.

      Up until puberty, the egg cells lie dormant in the ovaries, waiting for a shift in the hormonal patterns of a girl’s body to ‘switch on’ her fertility. At what age this starts is largely influenced by genetics – if your mother started her periods early, then it’s likely you will have done, too. Starting menstrual periods is the marker of the beginning of a woman’s fertility,

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