LITMIR.BIZ

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one that’s already going to happen now everyone knows who Brandon’s father really is. We can all do without that, especially now. I’ve got enough to deal with.’

      ‘Amber, babe, are you sure about this? I mean… when did he tell you? Jim, I mean.’

      ‘Just now.’

      ‘Just now?’

      ‘Yes. Just now. Look, Ronnie, we’re right in the middle of something, as you can imagine, so all I’m going to say is, if anyone asks you whether I knew about Brandon, the answer is yes. Okay? And I know everyone at Cloud Sports is going to think this is all a bit weird, that I didn’t say anything about this, but… well, I’ll deal with all that later.’

      ‘Amber…’

      ‘Can you just do that for me? Please? You know more than anyone that I’ve got a lot on my mind right now and I really don’t want this to become something bigger than it needs to be.’ She looked at Jim, his hand still holding tightly onto hers. ‘Jim knows what he’s done. He knows.’

      ‘Well, you’re more forgiving than I would be.’

      ‘Can you just do that for me, Ronnie? Please?’

      She heard him sigh heavily down the line. ‘Are you okay?’

      ‘I’m fine. Really, I’m okay.’

      ‘Well, you know where I am if…’

      ‘If I need you, yeah, I know. I’ll see you later.’ She put the phone down and looked at Jim. ‘He won’t be the only one ringing, you know that, don’t you? My Dad’ll be next, and Christ knows what he’ll have to say. He’s only just got used to the idea that you slept with me when I was sixteen years old.’

      ‘Did you mean that?’ Jim asked, squeezing her hand, probably tighter than was necessary but he was anxious. More anxious than he’d ever felt in his life. ‘About letting everyone think that you knew about Brandon all along?’

      She let go of his hand, standing up and walking over to the wardrobe. ‘You heard what I said to Ronnie. I really haven’t got the energy to deal with this right now, so yeah, I’ll play the happy step-mum and pretend this is such a proud day for all of us.’ She pushed a hand through her hair, her eyes meeting his. ‘I suggest you call Brandon’s agent and let him know what’s going on before we get to the stadium.’

      ‘I’ll call Max in a minute, but…’

      Amber frowned. ‘Max? Max Mandell? He’s Brandon’s agent? Jesus Christ, this day just gets better…’

      ‘Amber…’

      ‘What? Is there anything else you want to add to the crap you’re piling on me today? Got something else you want to throw at me? Any more secrets you’d like to get off your chest?’

      Jim flinched slightly, taking a deep breath before he spoke again. ‘Does Ronnie know that you… Did you tell him about…?’

      She let out another cynical laugh, turning away from him. ‘You not happy with that? Does that make you feel just a little bit angry that I confide in another man about something that involves you? Does that bother you?’

      ‘Yes, actually, it does.’

      She swung round to stare at him. ‘Well fucking tough, Jim. Deal with it. Secrets can really fucking hurt, can’t they?’

      ‘Amber… Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry.’

      ‘That word is so overused by you, Jim.’

      ‘What you’re doing today… I really appreciate…’

      The expression on her face made him flinch again. ‘I’m not doing this for you, and I’m not even doing it for Brandon, although God knows he didn’t deserve to have to keep your secrets, too. I’m doing it because I really don’t need the drama. Not today. I can’t think about anything else except what I’m going to be told tomorrow, and this… this is just…’ It was almost as if everything had all of a sudden come crashing down on top of her, all at once. Everything he’d told her, the reality of what that now meant, and the fact that she might never be able to have a child of her own – something she really, truly hadn’t realised she’d wanted quite as badly as she did right now. And after what he’d just told her, the pain of never being able to carry his baby was going to hurt twice as much, she knew that. If that was what she was told tomorrow, if her worst fears were confirmed, she knew she was going to feel things she’d never experienced before, emotions she was going to find hard to keep in check, and the thought of that brought with it an all-consuming sadness that just took over, causing her to sink to her knees, the tears finally falling, her whole body shaking with sobs she couldn’t control.

      ‘Oh Jesus, Amber…’ Jim ran over to her, crouching down beside her, pulling her into his arms and, despite everything, she let him hold her. She needed to be held, needed to be close to someone. And she loved him. Even after everything that had happened, she still loved him with every inch of her being, every beat of her breaking heart, and she didn’t know if she could do this without him. She didn’t know if she wanted to. ‘Baby, I am so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.’

      She took a deep breath, willing the tears to slow down, to give her a second to try and be strong. ‘Just call Max, Jim. Please. Let’s at least try and keep this thing under some kind of control, okay? That’s the best thing you can do for me right now.’ Letting go of him, the tears still streaming down her face, she stood up, pushing both hands through her hair as she took another deep breath. ‘I’m going to get ready. Just make sure everyone over there at Spartans knows the score, okay?’

      ‘Amber… You really don’t have to do this.’

      She looked at him as he stood there, hands in his pockets, his handsome face sporting an expression that told her he probably was truly sorry for what he’d just done. For what he’d been doing for over twenty years. She just didn’t know if that was enough anymore. ‘No. I know I don’t.’

      ‘Let me come with you tomorrow, please. I don’t want you to go through this on your own.’

      ‘I’m used to it, Jim.’ She looked up at him, part of her wanting to slap him for hurting her yet again, but another part of her just wanting things to be normal. She wanted the clock to rewind and this day to begin again, without the surprises and the drama. ‘You’ve put me in a really uncomfortable position at work, too. I mean, people are going to ask why I didn’t let on about you being Brandon Palmer’s dad, that’s a given because of the job I do. For Christ’s sake, we were only talking about him yesterday in the studio, and now this has all come out… I’m going to have some explaining to do.’

      ‘You’re a professional, Amber. We both are, and we’ll get through this, I promise.’

      She threw him another look that caused that flinch to return. ‘You and promises, Jim – they don’t go together, so don’t make them, okay? Just, don’t.’

      She turned to walk into the bathroom but he quickly stopped her, gently grabbing her arm and swinging her round. ‘Amber… I love you, and you need to know that. You need to know just how much I love you, how much I really need you and I know you hate me doing this, but I promise you, baby, I will never, ever hurt you again. There are no more secrets, no more lies, no more skeletons in any closet, I promise you that.’ He looked into her eyes, eyes that were red and damp from the tears she was still crying, although they were falling silently now, running slowly down her beautiful face. He loved her so much, and the thought that this could push her away scared the hell out of him. ‘I love you, Amber. It’s as simple as that. I love you.’

      She stared up at him, wanting to believe him, needing to believe him, because she didn’t want to lose him. Not again, she couldn’t face that. She couldn’t, she wasn’t strong enough, not anymore. ‘Yeah. I know you do. And despite everything, Jim, I love you, too. God help me, I love you, too.’

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