LITMIR.BIZ

       Chapter Eight

       Your First Approach

       The Gentle Art of Pickup (Not for Men Only)

      Biologists, as they watch animals spotting each other, sniffing, growling, hissing, nuzzling, and finally copulating, observe the same courtship rituals over and over. The identical patterns of proceptivity and aggression repeat themselves time and time again. If the pattern is broken, often copulation does not take place.

      It is no different with Homo sapiens (that’s us), but we operate with a serious handicap. Unlike those of lover animals, our brains get in the way of our instincts. In other words, we think too much. We ask ourselves, and others around us, too many questions. ‘Will he think I’m forward? Should I play hard to get? Do I look all right? Is my tie straight? Maybe I should go to the ladies’ room and put on some more lipstick first.’ Shyness often takes over and paralyses us, like a deer frozen in car headlights.

      Rabbits have no such reflections. Nor should we, when we spot our Quarry. We must merely follow what research tells us are the right moves when we spot him or her.

Hunters, Make the First Move … Fast

      Gentlemen, what are the right moves when you spot a woman you think you would like to make part of your future? No argument here. You must approach, and you must do it fast. The old chestnut ‘he who hesitates is lost’ is a rock-hard nut in the singles’ jungle.

      Once a male friend (a PMF, or platonic male friend, as we called non-romantic male friends in secondary school) and I were dining at a restaurant. My PMF, Phil, spotted a strikingly beautiful woman sitting alone at the bar behind him. He turned back to me and announced, ‘That’s the woman I’m going to marry!’

      ‘Congratulations. So how do you intend to go about meeting her?’ I challenged.

      ‘Let’s see,’ he mused. ‘Perhaps I’ll just go up to her and say hello. No,’ he decided. ‘That’s too mundane for my future bride. Maybe I’ll go and offer to buy her a drink. No, that’s too trite. Possibly,’ he joked. ‘I’ll go tell her I’m passionately in love with her. No, that’s too forward. Shall I tell her I want to make her the mother of my children? No, that’s premature.’

      While Phil was bantering on about his approach, I watched over his shoulder as a good-looking man marched right up to Phil’s intended and sat on the empty stool next to her. By the time my friend turned around, the newcomer and Phil’s never-to-be bride were in deep conversation. ‘Love at first sight’ became Phil’s ‘loss at first sight’. As it usually does for a Hunter who hesitates.

      When you spot an attractive lady, what is the best strategy? Let your body do the talking. First, use your eyes. Look at her and hold your eye contact for a few extra seconds. Be prepared for her to look away. A woman has been trained to lower her eyes when a man looks at her. This does not mean she is not interested. An analysis of flirtation patterns tells us if, after looking away, the woman looks up again within 45 seconds, she welcomes your attention.

      Gentlemen, set your chronograph. As she coyly feigns interest in something else in the room, clock how long it takes for her to glance back at you. If it’s within 45 seconds, proceed as follows.

      Smile at her and give her a little nod. Think of it as making a reservation for a table at an exclusive restaurant. When you have signalled a woman’s attention, you have made your reservation to talk to her. Abolish all thoughts of ‘What will she think of me if I’m too forward or move too fast?’ She won’t think anything of you – good or bad – if you don’t meet her. If you don’t move fast, every woman will be the one that got away.

       TECHNIQUE 7 (FOR HUNTERS)

      Move Fast