Anger Management For Dummies - W. Doyle Gentry For Dummies

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Just how mad do I get? Everyone gets annoyed from time to time. And frankly, most people experience anger here and there. But most people don’t punch holes in walls or aggressively threaten people. The intensity of your anger is excessive if you become violent, hysterical, vicious, scary to other people, or out of control. There’s no really simple, valid, numerical scale of how much anger is too much, but you get the idea.

      ✔ How long do I stay mad? Some people get over their anger quickly. Others dwell and ruminate for hours, days, or even longer, sometimes for years. Once we took a cruise and had an Eastern European waiter. He bitterly complained about Barbarians who had butchered his family. We expressed shock and concern. Then the waiter went on to say that this butchery had happened in the tenth century. That’s a long time to hold onto a grudge!

      

Negative emotions like anger are normal parts of human experience. Anger becomes a problem when it detracts from the quality of your work, pleasure, and relationships.

      State versus trait anger

      Anger specialists have described the difference between what’s known as state and trait anger.

      ✔ Trait anger refers to a chronic, long-standing personality characteristic that shows up as an almost constant tendency to become angry at the slightest provocation. People with high trait anger have very low boiling points. People with high trait anger run into lots of interpersonal conflicts, problems at work, and health problems.

      ✔ State anger refers to temporary, short-lasting outbursts of anger. These episodes are considered appropriate in many situations and often call for problem solving. The appearance of occasional state anger responses is a normal part of life unless the intensity, frequency, and duration are way out of proportion to the triggering event.

      The relationship of state and trait anger is much like the connection between weather and climate. Climate and trait anger both represent long-standing patterns, such as the climate in Alaska tends to be rather cold. State anger is like weather, which can change quickly from one day to another. Thus, where we live in New Mexico, the climate is quite dry, but major thunderstorms can pop up from time to time, causing floods and mayhem. Those occasional storms don’t mean that the climate has changed in the state.

       Note: We aren’t trying to dredge up the climate change debate here, so don’t get mad!

      Complicating Problems

      Excessive anger, in and of itself, can seriously harm work, relationships, and daily satisfaction. However, when anger accompanies other emotional, physical, and/or social problems, chaos carries the day. Unfortunately, anger is, more often than not, associated with other problems.

      

When your body is hurting and your mind is sad or worried, your anger buttons may be pushed more easily. If you suffer from significant emotional or physical problems, you need to address them to maximize your chances of managing your anger more effectively. Discuss any concerns you have with a mental health professional or primary care medical provider.

      The world around you can also make managing anger more difficult. Sometimes you can make meaningful changes to the world or situations that you find yourself in. In those cases, you should take action. When you can’t, look for sources of support, such as advocacy groups, friends, and even therapists. Review the following list to see how many of these issues apply to you:

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