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Luck. Not yet.

       Book. Oh, sir! when it is, it will be then time enough to talk about it. A play, like a bill, is of no value till it is accepted; nor indeed when it is, very often. Besides, sir, our playhouses are grown so plenty, and our actors so scarce, that really plays are become very bad commodities. But pray, sir, do you offer it to the players or the patentees?

       Luck. Oh! to the players, certainly.

       Book. You are in the right of that. But a play which will do on the stage will not always do for us; there are your acting plays and your reading plays.

       Wit. I do not understand that distinction.

       Book. Why, sir, your acting play is entirely supported by the merit of the actor; in which case, it signifies very little whether there be any sense in it or no. Now, your reading play is of a different stamp, and must have wit and meaning in it. These latter I call your substantive, as being able to support themselves. The former are your adjective, as what require the buffoonery and gestures of an actor to be joined with them to shew their signification.

       Wit. Very learnedly defined, truly.

       Luck. Well, but, Mr Bookweight, will you advance fifty guineas on my play?

       Book. Fifty guineas! Yes, sir. You shall have them with all my heart, if you will give me security for them. Fifty guineas for a play! Sir, I would not give fifty shillings.

       Luck. 'Sdeath, sir! do you beat me down at this rate?

       Book. No, nor fifty farthings. Fifty guineas! Indeed your name is well worth that.

       Luck. Jack, take this worthy gentleman and kick him down stairs.

       Book. Sir, I shall make you repent this.

       Jack. Come, sir, will you please to brush?

       Book. Help! murder! I'll have the law of you, sir.

       Luck. Ha, ha, ha!

      SCENE VIII. – LUCKLESS, WITMORE, MRS MONEYWOOD

       Money. What noise is this? It is a very fine thing, truly, Mr Luckless, that you will make these uproars in my house.

       Luck. If you dislike it, it is in your power to drown a much greater. Do you but speak, madam, and I am sure no one will be heard but yourself.

       Money. Very well, indeed! fine reflexions on my character! Sir, sir, all the neighbours know that I have been as quiet a woman as ever lived in the parish. I had no noises in my house till you came. We were the family of love. But you have been a nusance to the whole neighbourhood. While you had money, my doors were thundered at every morning at four and five, by coachmen and chairmen; and since you have had none, my house has been besieged all day by creditors and bailiffs. Then there's the rascal your man; but I will pay the dog, I will scour him. Sir, I am glad you are a witness of his abuses of me.

       Wit. I am indeed, madam, a witness how unjustly he has abused you. [JACK whispers LUCKLESS.

       Luck. Witmore, excuse me a moment.

      SCENE IX. – Mrs MONEYWOOD, WITMORE

       Money. Yes, sir; and, sir, a man that has never shewn one the colour of his money.

       Wit. Very hard, truly. How much may he be in your debt, pray? Because he has ordered me to pay you.

       Money. Ay! sir, I wish he had.

       Wit. I am serious, I assure you.

       Money. I am very glad to hear it, sir. Here is the bill as we settled it this very morning. I always thought, indeed, Mr Luckless had a great deal of honesty in his principles: any man may be unfortunate; but I knew when he had money I should have it; and what signifies dunning a man when he hath it not? Now that is a way with some people which I could never come in to.

       Wit. There, madam, is your money. You may give Mr Luckless the receipt.

       Money. Sir, I give you both a great many thanks. I am sure it is almost as charitable as if you gave it me; for I am to make up a sum to-morrow morning. Well, if Mr Luckless was but a little soberer I should like him for a lodger exceedingly: for I must say, I think him a very pleasant good-humoured man.

      SCENE X. – LUCKLESS, WITMORE, MONEYWOOD

       Luck. Those are words I never heard out of that mouth before.

       Money. Ha, ha, ha! you are pleased to be merry: ha, ha!

       Luck. Why, Witmore, thou hast the faculty opposite to that of a witch, and canst lay a tempest. I should as soon have imagined one man could have stopt a cannon-ball in its full force as her tongue.

       Money. Ha, ha, ha! he is the best company in the world, sir, and so full of his similitudes!

       Wit. Luckless, good morrow; I shall see you soon again.

       Luck. Let it be soon, I beseech you; for thou hast brought a calm into this house that was scarce ever in it before.

      SCENE XI. – LUCKLESS, MRS MONEYWOOD, JACK

       Money. Well, Mr Luckless, you are a comical man, to give one such a character to a stranger.

       Luck. The company is gone, madam; and now, like true man and wife, we may fall to abusing one another as fast as we please.

       Money. Abuse me as you please, so you pay me, sir.

       Luck. 'Sdeath! madam, I will pay you.

       Money. Nay, sir, I do not ask it before it is due. I don't question your payment at all: if you was to stay in my house this quarter of a year, as I hope you will, I should not ask you for a farthing.

       Luck. Toll, loll, loll. – But I shall have her begin with her passion immediately; and I had rather be the object of her rage for a year than of her love for half an hour.

       Money. But why did you choose to surprise me with my money? Why did you not tell me you would pay me?

       Luck. Why, have I not told you?

       Money. Yes, you told me of a play, and stuff: but you never told me you would order a gentleman to pay me. A sweet, pretty, good-humoured gentleman he is, heaven bless him! Well, you have comical ways with you: but you have honesty at the bottom, and I'm sure the gentleman himself will own I gave you that character.

       Luck. Oh! I smell you now. – You see, madam, I am better than my word to you: did he pay it you in gold or silver?

       Money. All pure gold.

       Luck. I have a vast deal of silver, which he brought me, within; will you do me the favour of taking it in silver? that will be of use to you in the shop too.

       Money. Anything to oblige you, sir.

       Luck. Jack, bring out the great bag, number one. Please to tell the money, madam, on that table.

       Money. It's easily told: heaven knows there's not so much on't.

       Jack. Sir, the bag is so heavy, I cannot bring it in.

       Luck. Why, then, come and help to thrust a heavier bag out.

       Money. What do you mean?

       Luck. Only to pay you in my bed-chamber.

       Money. Villain, dog, I'll swear a robbery, and have you hanged: rogues, villains!

       Luck. Be as noisy as you please – [Shuts the door.] Jack, call a coach; and, d' ye hear? get up behind it and attend me.

      ACT II

      SCENE I. —The Playhouse. – LUCKLESS, MARPLAY, senior, MARPLAY, junior

       Luck. [Reads.]

      "Then hence my sorrow, hence my ev'ry fear;

      No

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