Planning A Wedding For Dummies - Sarah Lizabeth Barker

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we are going to work together to give this couple the best day ever. As you know, we don’t have any power, so as the bridal party enters the church, I want you to imagine the most beautiful music playing in the background. We aren’t going to delay and wait for the power to come back on; we are going to get these two amazing people married.”

      The crowd cheered and I went back to line everyone up. As I sent the bridal party down the aisle, the guests started to hum, providing the music that we couldn’t play due to the power outage. It was one of the most beautiful moments I’ve seen in my career. It was time for the bride to enter the church.

      My favorite moment at every wedding is one that few get to see: the moment when the bride is waiting to enter the ceremony. There is so much raw emotion and love in that moment. No matter whether she’s by herself or with her father or other family member, I always tell her to stop and take it all in. It’s the moment we have been planning for, and now it’s time.

      As we stood there in that moment, her faced was filled with joy. She was about to marry her very best friend and it didn’t matter if the power was off. Yes, the songs we worked so hard to pick out wouldn’t be heard. Yes, the vows wouldn’t be heard because it was a big church, and we didn’t have any working microphones. But in that moment, she didn’t care because she was about to be married.

      A LESSON IN PERSPECTIVE

      My grandparents were married September 13, 1949. On the day of their wedding, their photographer never showed up. They didn’t have a single picture from their wedding day. We don’t know how beautiful my grandmother was or even what her dress looked like. I’m certain my grandfather was very dapper in his suit, but we’ll never know.

      What they did have was perspective. Their love story was unlike any I’ve seen in my lifetime. They loved, valued, and respected the other the way you read about but wonder if that kind of love actually exists. Well, it did exist for them, and together they had three sons, three daughters-in-law, nine grandchildren, and eighteen great-grandchildren. They lived a wonderful life honoring the other until they were separated by death.

      My grandfather was an artist. I will never forget the Christmas morning we were all sitting around, and he shared with us the story of how their wedding photographer never showed up to their wedding. They were sad that they only had their memories, which were fading, to remember their day. My grandfather gave us all this picture he had drawn as a gift and a reminder that life is always about perspective. For us, as grandchildren, it was our picture, one we would remember forever. The important lesson that my grandfather wanted us to know was that it wasn’t about having beautiful photos of their wedding. The beautiful was in their love story.

Schematic illustration of a building and a car in front of it.

      Process

      When I make flower arrangements for my clients, I have a process. I set out all the vases I need, and I start adding one type of flower to all the arrangements before I start on the next variation. There are amazing florists out there and they may or may not do the same thing, but in the end we both have beautiful floral arrangements. The same thing goes for wedding planning. What you are about to read is my process for planning a perfect day. It took me years to perfect my process but I own it. I challenge you to take the tools you will learn in this book and create your own process to plan a perfect day. Own that and you will have a successful wedding day.

      Pause

      I want you to stop right now and think about how this book ended up in your hands. Are you newly engaged, feeling overwhelmed, or just trying to make sure you are doing the right steps for a perfect day? Whatever the case, take a minute to stop and think about all the things that had to align in your life for you to be reading this book. Now go (I’ll wait).

      Here is what I know. You will remember this moment when an author asked you to stop and think about why you were reading this book. Now, apply that to your wedding planning process, wedding weekend, wedding day, and honeymoon. If you take the time to stop in the middle of everything going on around you and mentally record the people around you, the flowers, the decor, the sounds, the laughter, the tears, you will remember your wedding day and all the events around and leading up to the big day. So often, I have seen couples walking through the day like a deer in headlights. Those clients never remember anything about the day. The ones who have been able to truly take in everything around them remember all the details. So, in the middle of the crazy, remember to pause and take it all in. You will thank me for that gift later.

      I once read that being a wedding planner was one of the top five most stressful jobs. Well, it is stressful, but only because I take on the stress so that my clients don’t have to. Through this book, I share my process of planning clients’ weddings so that you don’t have to stress while planning yours.

      In this section we talk about setting boundaries with your family and friends as well as the importance of checking in with your fiancé and the value of premarital counseling. To eliminate the stress for you, I’m going to give you my wedding planning checklist that I use for every single client’s wedding. It’s my roadmap and will soon be yours!

      Setting boundaries with family and friends

      You’re so excited to get married and you’re sitting with your family one afternoon chatting about how the wedding planning is going. You start talking about the beautiful white flowers you’ve picked, because white flowers are your favorite, and someone in your family says, “I hate white flowers. Why would you pick white flowers?” All of a sudden, you’re second-guessing every decision you made. In this section we’ll talk about how it’s important to set boundaries with the ones you love the most while planning your wedding.

      

You’re planning your wedding. You are not planning the wedding of your parents, your bridal party, or your friends. This is your wedding, and it should reflect you as a couple. If you love white flowers, then you need to have white flowers. I cannot tell you how many clients have allowed outside influences to impact their big day — not just impact but completely ruin their wedding. You wedding day isn’t about anyone else other than the two of you. I know that is a very hard concept to understand when your outside influences are so strong, but please remember that this is about you, no one else.

      I once watched a mother of the bride walk down the aisle while screaming profanities about the groom and how she didn’t like him. I couldn’t fathom what was happening right in front of my face. How could someone do this? How could anyone possibly think that this was the time to let everyone know what she thought about the person her daughter was about to marry? I stood there not knowing what to do. Was I supposed to tackle her, or just stand there and cry with the bride? How dare she do this to my friend!

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