LITMIR.BIZ

Пришел я к себе, а мне уже за 80… БА! Да я тут не один… Натоптали… И все молчат… И никакого сходства. Как не родные сегодня и завтра. Чувствую – понес ахинею. Вляпался. И Никто не пошевелился возразить. . И ни малейшего интереса друг к другу. И так всю-то жизнь… Ну как же, – каждый сам за себя на свой особый манер. Даже в носу ковыряемся оригинальничая. А между тем – все при одном деле. Умереть сидя у телевизора с гордо поднятым подбородком любуясь растроганно собственным призраком материализованным частично в области сердца, где душа давно приготовилась отчалить в наше главное путешествие, отсроченное исполать земные разочарования, путешествие под розовыми парусами надежд не расставаться уже никогда.

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A delightful new book from Tom Brandon, «2013 Steve Harvey Bus Driver of the Year,» reminds us of the wisdom of children and their uncanny ability to teach adults a thing or two. Mr. Brandon's School Bus, published by NewSouth Books, collects in one volume the insightful and often humorous conversations children have had while riding on Brandon's big yellow school bus over the years. You know the things your child hears at home that you don't want repeated elsewhere? Tom Brandon says you can count on them to be told with gusto on the way to school. So climb on board and, as «Mr. Mucus» would say, «Sit back and enjoy the ride.» Hey, there are some things you just can't make up. Of author Tom Brandon, Larry Lee, Alabama's foremost education blogger, says, «Each school bus is a little magic kingdom where fantasies come alive and the sweet innocence of childhood sometimes meets reality. With the keen eye and ear of a good storyteller, Tom Brandon has chronicled the great adventures of his riders with a talent that makes you see the smile and hear the giggles. Thanks to him for doing so.»

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In Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night, Lewis Grizzard once again confirms his reputation as the «William Faulkner of just plain folks» using colorful storytelling to tackle such Grizzardian subjects as: Fashion: «Don't wear anything that features a picture of a pelican, a pink flamingo, or a beer can.» The Future: «I'm predicting the world isn't going to come to an end anytime soon. There's too much unresolved, like whether or not Elvis is still alive, Jimmy Swaggart can stay on television, and if there will be another Rambo sequel.» Dating: «Any single white female who has to resort to taking out an ad to find a boyfriend would take a SWM who's into yodeling, Hustler magazine, Ripple, and robbing convenience stores.» People Who Cheat in the 12-Items-or-Less Lane: «Previously, I have dog-cussed these people and put curses on them, like, 'May your children grow up to be liberal Democrats.' I'm not going to be that mean-spirited anymore. What I'm going to do is go to the vegetable bin, grab a large cucumber, and beat them about the head and shoulders with it.» Lewis Grizzard offers his views on everything from politics, religion, sex, and golf to the largest condom heist in history, wittier and more outrageous than ever. Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night shows why the South's most popular humorist continues to be America's most popular funny man.

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Lewis Grizzard got his first newspaper job when he was ten years old. Thirty-odd years later (thirty-very-odd years) he’s still in the newspaper business—and he’s still infuriated by it, still tickled by it, and still very much in love with it. If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I’m Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground is all about that anger, that great humor and that even greater passion for something that affects every single one of us: the daily newspaper. Grizzard begins with his first writing job (covering a Boy’s Church League team in Newman, Georgia), and continues through his college years in Athens, Georgia where he learned how to do such things as prepare a font-page headline and layout in case Jesus Christ ever returned to earth. (Headline: HE’S BACK!) He examines the great Atlanta years and the cold Chicago winters—as sports editor of the Sun-Times, during which Grizzard lost his second wife, his cool, and very nearly his sanity, but also learned an awful lot about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This is Grizzard's funniest—and his best—book yet.

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The 1950s were simple times to grow up. For Lewis Grizzard and his buddies, gallivanting meant hanging out at the local store, eating Zagnut candy bars and drinking «Big Orange bellywashers.» About the worst thing a kid ever did was smoke rabbit tobacco rolled in paper torn from a brown grocery sack, or maybe slick back his hair into a ducktail and try gyrating his hips like Elvis. But then assassinations, war, civil rights, free love, and drugs rocked the old order. And as they did, Grizzard frequently felt lost and confused. In place of Elvis, the Pied Piper of his generation, Grizzard now found wormy-looking, long-haired English kids who performed either half-naked or dressed like Zasu Pitts. Elvis Is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself is the witty, satiric, nostalgic account of Grizzard's efforts to survive in a changing world. Sex, music, clothes, entertainment, and life itself receive the Grizzard treatment. In this, his sixth book, Grizzard was never funnier or more in tune with his readers. He might not have felt so good himself, but his social commentary and humor can still make the rest of us feel just fine.

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They Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat, first published in 1982, has sold more than 100,000 copies. Without skipping a beat, one of America's favorite humorists, the late Lewis Grizzard, tells of the early stirrings of his wayward heart in the backseat of a '57 Chevy and the ominous murmurings that led him at age thirty-five to major surgery and the real answer to his question, «How much is this going to hurt?» In the process he discovers all the ways a heart can break. Young love. Three marriages. His father's death. And why his entire future suddenly depended on a little pig. He tells the truth—the whole truth—the kind that has readers laughing through their tears. United Press International said, «It makes you feel good to know a person can face the tubes, wires, knives and needles of major heart surgery and make you laugh about it—hilarious!»

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Weiss Cracks, how it began: Upon moving to Palm Springs in the summer of 2012, standup comedian Richard Weiss hooked up with the talents of wacky artist Bart E. Slyp. The two immediately hit it off and launched their hilarious comic strip, Weiss Cracks, which was picked up and published by the CV WEEKLY newspaper, where it received rave reviews from residents of the Coachella Valley in California. “It was Bart’s idea to include me in many of the strips,” said Richard, “something I had not initially thought of… but it turned out to be brilliant. I could now take my standup act, incorporated with real life situations, and depict them to the masses without even getting on stage. Bartabulous and I are like Elton John and Bernie Taupin, the sum is greater than its parts.” As you gaze through the pages of Richard and Bart’s first book release, you’ll enter a world where anything and everything goes. As one reader exclaimed after reading Weiss Cracks, “It’s pure comic genius.” Enjoy reading. About the Author: Richard Weiss is described by one observer as a performer who is pure heart and soul. «His body language on stage is so grounded and positive. All feeling. No ego.» Weiss, a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict from New York City, came to Riverside, California to attend a rehab facility as a result of a family intervention. In 2006, shortly after his first year clean and sober, Richard began writing comedy and recently did the «Standup to Addiction» show, where he toured the country to sold-out shows. Grateful to be clean and sober, Weiss feels blessed that he can share his experiences with others in a humorous vein. When asked his view on doing recovery comedy, he responded, «Laughter is a great healer. I want them to have what I've found. As they say, 'You can't keep it, unless you give it away.'»

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Вниманию читателя предлагается сборник забавных историй о веселой и беззаботной студенческой жизни. Тонкий юмор, блестящее остроумие, забавные парадоксы, комические ситуации, курьезные случаи из жизни – все это знаменитый писатель Валерий Шамбаров собрал в книге, которая способна доставить немало веселых минут каждому, кто возьмет ее в руки. Читайте, смейтесь и удивляйтесь!

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Про чиновников-бюрократов и роковые яйца. Про ужасных провинциальных невесток. Про 39 троллейбус и опасные паводки на Неве, от которых нас спас губернатор Беглов. Про наших замечательных крыс, которые гораздо лучше западных. Что японцу хорошо, то русскому – смерть. Про оскорбительство и закрепительство. Про зайца, Навального и наивного Саркисяна. Про то, как у Лехи-горбуна жену увели вместе с квартирой и любовницей. Про сексуальную Леру и похотливого "папика".

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Писатель Борис Графский отнёс рукопись под названием "Достоевский FM" в издательство "Старая гвардия". Мог ли он предположить, что текстом заинтересуются агенты "Литературной безопасности"?.. Зачем медведи Маркс и Энгельс сбежали из зоопарка под Новый год?.. Легко ли достать гравицапу?.. Как заслужить имя, если ты биоробот?.. Для чего Колька и Славка полезли ночью на заброшенный склад?.. Что делает "подснежник", впервые оказавшись в тренажёрном зале?.. По какому признаку берут актёров на главную роль?.. Ответы ищите в сборнике рассказов "ВиRUS пOSTмодерна". Содержит нецензурную брань.

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