LITMIR.BIZ

      Yes, that turned out to be a pretty exciting little episode but I don’t think we have time for it here. I mean, we’ve got the whole Skunk Mystery before us, and then there’s the part about the Phantom in the Mirror.

      You ever run into the Phantom Dog? One of the scariest characters I ever encountered in my whole career.

      Anyways, I was out there on Life’s front lines, trying to bark up the sun, when all at once I noticed an echo. My barks were coming back to me, and that was odd. It had never happened before.

      After a few minutes of this, it occurred to me that what I was hearing might not be an echo at all, but rather the sound of another dog barking.

      Well, you know me. If there’s a stray dog on my ranch, I want to know: A) who he is; B) exactly what he thinks he’s doing on my outfit; C) who gave him permission to be there; and D) how soon he can leave.

      Hence, once I had the sun pretty well barked up, I went swaggering out into the semidarkness to lay down the law to this trespasser.

      “Hey, you! Who are you, and what do you think you’re doing on my ranch? And by the way, I’m Head of Ranch Security, just in case you didn’t know.”

      I stopped and listened. That’s when I heard his reply: “Uh! Name Freddie and want make talk with ranch dog.”

      Hmmm. There was something familiar about the voice, yet when I ran “Freddie” through my data banks, I came up with nothing. According to my records, we had never had a “Freddie” on the ranch at any time.

      I decided to probe the matter a little deeper. “Freddie, you’re not in our files, which means you’re not authorized to be on this outfit. If you’re lost, maybe I can give you directions off the ranch, but for your own safety, I must warn you not to proceed any closer to the house.”

      “How come not closer to house?”

      “Because, Freddie, this ranch is protected by one of the most sophisticated defense systems in the entire world. Get too close and the system kicks into Defend-the-House Mode, and once that happens, pal, I can’t be responsible for your safety.”

      “Uh! Sound pretty stupid to me.”

      “Oh yeah? Hey, Freddie, take my advice and leave while you can still walk. The last mutt who trespassed on my place had to be scraped off two acres of sagebrush and carried away in a sardine can. I mean, that was all that was left of him. We’re talking about serious consequences.”

      “Uh! Take ‘cereal consequences’ and stuff in left ear! Freddie not scared even a little bit.”

      I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Who was this guy, anyway? Whoever he was, he couldn’t be very smart, and it appeared that I would have to contribute a little bit to his education, so to speak.

      I mean, I don’t go around looking for fights, but when stray dogs start mouthing off to me on MY ranch . . . hey, that’s all it takes to start a riot.

      “Listen, pal, it’s clear to me you don’t realize to who or whom you’re speaking, so I’m going to give you one last chance. Get off the ranch and we’ll drop all charges, write it off as a mistake, and forget that it ever happened. That’s as good a deal as you’re going to get out of me.”

      “Ha! Ranch dog full of baloney!”

      HUH?

      The hair on my back shot up. My ears shot up. My lips shot up, revealing deadly white fangs. A growl began rumbling in my throat.

      “Hey Freddie, did you just say what I thought you said?”

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