LITMIR.BIZ

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into the conversation, with all the riper stories raked up and relived. I made feeble attempts to stop him, but somehow Jack always sabotaged these efforts, so at last I gave up and went with the flow.

      Even so, I wasn’t for prepared for Jack saying, ‘We’ll have them all to the party.’

      ‘Party?’ Grandad’s eyes popped.

      ‘The party to celebrate Della’s return. We’ll fix a date and you must call them all up.’

      ‘Jack,’ I said nervously, ‘I don’t think that’s a very good idea—’

      His eyes flashed, warning me to say no more. ‘I think it’s a great idea.’

      “Course it is!’ Grandad yelped. ‘We’ll have a great party. Leave it all to me.’ He patted my hand. ‘Just wait till they see this place, luv. It’ll make their eyes pop.’

      I groaned, and hid my head in my hands, but Jack seemed unfazed.

      When the meal was over Grandad had an attack of tact and went off to bed. I think Jack and I were equally embarrassed. I washed up, ignoring his protests, and went to my own room.

      Getting to sleep wasn’t easy, and when I did nod off I awoke after a couple of hours. I got up and went out, meaning to head for the kitchen. But the light from my room, falling onto the sofa, showed me the last thing I’d expected.

      Jack was stretched out under a blanket. I stayed still for a moment, watching him, holding my breath. With his daytime patina of confidence gone, he looked worn and haggard. I’d thought he looked older at the prison, but this was worse.

      I’d done this to him.

      I crept closer and sat down on a stool where I could see his face more closely. The last time I’d seen him asleep had been on the boat, when we’d both been full of loving and his face had shown blissful contentment. Not any longer.

      The noise of snoring had been coming faintly from beyond the bedroom door. Now it suddenly increased, causing Jack to give a start and wake up. He didn’t show any surprise to find me there, but yawned and stretched.

      ‘Hello,’ he said sleepily.

       ‘I’m sorry about this. Grandad driving you out, I mean. I guess you didn’t know what you were taking on.’

      He grinned ruefully.

      ‘I admit the snoring takes some getting used to, but he’s a great old boy.’

      ‘Just the same, this can’t go on. You need your sleep, and you don’t need to have your days disrupted. I think Grandad and I should go home tomorrow.’

      ‘Great, if you want to get me into real trouble.’

      ‘What do you mean? I’m not going to abscond. I’ll turn up in court on the right day.’

      ‘You don’t understand. I’m standing surety for you. The court needed a promise about where you’d stay, and the lawyer gave them this address. If you move out they’ll haul me into court.’

      I just gaped at him. I’d faced court in a haze, and I hadn’t understood this.

      ‘You promised them that I’d stay in your home?’

      ‘I didn’t say anything about it being mine. I still officially live with Grace. Nobody will connect me.’

      ‘They will in the end. Jack, you’re taking such risks for me.’

      ‘You’ve taken a few risks yourself, haven’t you?’

      ‘But not for you. You don’t owe me anything.’

      ‘Yes I do. Selina married Derek. I guess that’s down to you.’

      ‘I saw it in the papers. Big society do. Has Grace tried to pair you off with anyone else?’

      ‘No. I think she’s understood now that my stubbornness is greater than her cunning.’

      ‘You’re not too bad in the cunning stakes yourself,’ I observed wryly.

      ‘Thanks to you. I’m in your debt.’

       ‘Is that what you’re doing now? Paying a debt you think you owe me?’

      He shrugged. ‘I guess. Why not? Paying debts in full and on time is good business practice.’ He said the last words with slow emphasis.

      ‘And you believe in good business practice?’ I hazarded.

      ‘It’s what makes the world go round.’

      ‘Isn’t it supposed to be love that does that?’

      ‘Supposed to be. But that’s an old wives’ tale. Business is more reliable. But you have to do it right. When I’ve finished we’ll be even. All debts paid, loose ends tied up. And then,’ he added in an almost inaudible voice, ‘then maybe I can sleep.’

      He was still stretched out on the sofa. I dropped down beside him and he took hold of my shoulders. He was looking straight up at me, but I had a strange feeling he couldn’t see me.

      ‘Sleep,’ he whispered again. ‘But then I’d wake and hear you crying, like that last morning. I was never sure whether I imagined it or not.’

      ‘You didn’t imagine it,’ I said. ‘I was crying at leaving you.’

      ‘I never stopped hearing that sound, night after night.’ He closed his eyes tight, as if in pain. ‘You shouldn’t have left me with that in my ears.’

      ‘I shouldn’t have done anything the way I did,’ I whispered. ‘I got everything wrong. I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Jack. I thought I was just a holiday romance.’

      ‘Was that what I was to you?’

      ‘Oh, no, no!’

      He stroked a wisp of hair away from my forehead. ‘Why couldn’t you have trusted me?’ he said. ‘When I found you’d gone I nearly went crazy. It was like coming to an oasis in the desert and then finding it was only a mirage. And then the desert is all around you and there’s no way out.’

      ‘You’re asking me to use hindsight,’ I pleaded. ‘At the time it felt like the right thing to do. Maybe if I’d told you everything from the start it might have been different, but I felt as if I’d tricked you into loving me by hiding the truth.’

      There was a silence before he said in an odd voice, ‘Meaning that if I’d known the truth I wouldn’t have loved you?’

      ‘Meaning that you’d have been warned in time and you could have been cautious before it was too late.’

      He stared at me for a moment, then rose so sharply that I slid to the floor.

      ‘Thanks,’ he said harshly. ‘That’s all I needed.’

      ‘What?’

      ‘That’s what you think of me? Cold-blooded, calculating, willing and able to be cautious once I’ve assessed the conditions and found them unsuitable? You call that love? Damn you, that’s an insult to everything I ever felt for you.’

      ‘Jack, I didn’t mean—’

      ‘I know what you meant, and I call it arrogance. You made the decision for both of us. You thought you were the only one who could decide. Did it ever occur to you that I was a thinking human being who liked to make his own decisions? Maybe I could have coped. Maybe I could have found a way around it.’

      I no longer tried to stop him. What was coming out was a stream of rage that had been building up for a long time.

      ‘Della, did it ever occur to you that your family of small-time con artists is no big deal? You think you’re the only one who’s got friends in jail? Last year I nearly did some business with a fellow whose company I really enjoyed. He was funny, bright, well-mannered, and an

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