LITMIR.BIZ

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if you’d escaped me the same way you did Vanner I’d really have felt like a worm. And if you’d said yes, how would I have known why? You might have felt it was part of the bargain, and that you ought—’

      My words ran out in a kerfuffle of embarrassment. There was something about the kindly way she was regarding me that was even more unnerving than her furious glare a moment before.

      ‘I’m making a pig’s breakfast of this, aren’t I?’ I said miserably.

      That made her laugh, and she shook her head so that her earrings danced.

      ‘Can you really see me making love to you because I felt obligated?’ she asked.

      ‘I’ll be honest. There’ve been moments when I wouldn’t have cared why, as long as I had you in my bed. But those times didn’t last. I’d take a cold shower and know that it had to be because you wanted me. And I wasn’t sure if you did.’

      ‘Haven’t you sensed it?’ she asked, looking surprised.

      ‘Sometimes. But the messages were always conflicting. ’

      We were in a dark corner of the restaurant, not facing each other, but at right angles on a continuous seat. Without saying a word she leaned across and laid her lips on mine for a long moment, while the world went into a spiral of dizzy dancing and my heart kept time.

      ‘Is that message clear enough?’ she asked.

      I nodded. I couldn’t trust myself to speak. When I thought I could manage it I returned to what was, for me, the important thing.

      ‘Now you know why I want to marry you. I’m not interested in a one-night stand, or a passing affair. I want lifetime commitment on both sides. Please, Della, will you be my wife?’

      I’d been so sure she would say yes after that kiss, but she didn’t answer for a moment. Then she said slowly, ‘Don’t ask me for an answer just now, please, Jack. I think you proposed on impulse, and you might regret it.’

      ‘I won’t change my mind.’

      ‘But you know nothing about me.’

      ‘Not for want of trying to find out. You told me that you weren’t married already, and nothing else matters.’

      ‘But I might have—other obligations.’

      A memory from that afternoon flitted briefly through my mind, someone called ‘darling’ whom she was looking forward to seeing. But I was on a high and I banished the thought into the wilderness.

      They say there are none so blind as those who will not see. And I guess I was determined not to see.

      ‘Whatever your obligations,’ I said, ‘I’ll help you with them.’

      She shook her head and made the first helpless gesture I had ever seen from her.

      ‘Jack, I can’t say yes—not right now. You don’t understand—’

      ‘Then help me to understand. I’m in love with you, and I think you’re in love with me. What else is there?’

      ‘So many things,’ she whispered. ‘We’ve been living in a little isolated cocoon, but when you return to your real life things will look different. You won’t need me quite so much.’

      ‘Are you daring to suggest that I want to marry you to protect me from Grace?’

      ‘No, I think you can manage that by yourself. After this she’ll start to understand that your no is final. But that leaves you free.’

      ‘Free to marry you. My darling, there’s one aspect of Bully Jack that’s true. They say when he wants something he’s like a terrier—never lets go. I want you, and I’m not letting go. Why do you doubt me? I love you. You’re my heart’s desire, the only woman I’ll ever want and love, for the rest of my life. If I could believe that you feel the same—’

      She stopped me with a finger over my lips.

      ‘Let’s go,’ she said softly.

      We walked back to the boat, our arms wrapped around each other, feeling our bodies move in perfect rhythm. Most of the ship’s crew and staff had been allowed to leave, and those that were left kept a discreet distance. We might have been the last two people on earth, wandering through an enchanted ghost ship.

      Our packing was done, and the cases had already been placed in a cupboard outside the bedroom. But Della insisted on taking a last look and came up with a prize.

      ‘Look at this,’ she cried, waving the dowdy nightdress of that first evening. ‘I pushed it under the bed so that nobody saw it. I suppose I could wear it tonight. ’

      ‘Tonight?’ It came out as a yelp of anguish.

      ‘Well, there’s nobody to fool any more.’

      ‘Except ourselves,’ I answered. ‘Is that what we’ve been doing? Fooling ourselves? Please don’t say it is.’

      ‘I suppose it depends what reality is,’ she mused, ‘and how badly you want to get away from it.’

      ‘No,’ I said, in a voice that surprised even me, ‘no more of that.’

      ‘What?’

      ‘No more enigmas. Now it’s time for the truth between us. I need to know how you feel about me, finally. It matters. If the answer’s no, I’ll go and spend tonight in one of the other cabins. We’ve got them all now.’

      Her lips twitched. Even now she was teasing me. ‘You’re threatening to sleep in Selina’s cabin?’

      ‘It’s sure as hell the only way she’d ever get me in there,’ I growled.

      She chuckled, and it shook me into fragments, ‘Is that all that “truth” means to you, Jack?’

      ‘Della, if you’re talking about what I think you are, it’s the only truth I can think of at this moment. Maybe that makes me a shallow character. I don’t know, and right now I don’t care. I’ve offered you my commitment, and now I want to make love to you so badly that it’s driving me crazy.’

      Then came the thing I’d been looking for, the little smile, starting at the corner of her lovely mouth and slowly spreading over it, as though all the world was hers to laugh at.

      She was laughing at me, big, stupid clown that I was. And everything was wonderful.

      She moved towards me, still holding that hideous nightdress. I suppose I must have seized it and tossed it away, but I don’t remember doing so. But I seized her—I remember that—and pulled her hard against me and kissed her in a frenzy.

      I may have been fiercer than I meant to be because I was past my limits of endurance by then. But she didn’t seem to mind my rough hands. From the way she pressed against me I could almost believe she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

      I loved how she pulled open the buttons of my shirt, not coquettishly, but in a way that was rather businesslike. She just wanted it off. No nonsense. She’d probably have had my trousers off the same way, but I beat her to it.

      We’d been naked together before, but it had been an act for Grace’s benefit. This time she was really mine. She was going to marry me. She hadn’t actually said so, but who needed the words? I could feel her consent in the soft movements of her hands over my chest, and the even softer movements of her lips, teasing mine.

      No other woman made love like this, as if it came from the heart. Every caress, every whisper was a gift.

      She was sweet and melting, heart-stopping and glorious. I thought I knew her body. I’d seen it so often in a bikini, and had it pressed against me for a fleeting moment on that first morning. Now I discovered that I didn’t know it at all.

      How could anything feel as smooth as her skin, or as delicate? I was several inches taller, but she solved that problem by standing on my feet and

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