LITMIR.BIZ

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improved a little during the first month, but I’m reckoning that what I have now is...pretty much what I’ll always have going forward. I’ll be getting a hearing aid soon, and that might help a bit with directionality.’

      Raina nodded. ‘You have tinnitus?’

      ‘Yeah. That seems to be improving.’ Alistair wasn’t sure whether it was or not. It was probably just wishful thinking, born of the loss he felt over the thought that he might never be able to appreciate silence again, because of the high-pitched ringing in his ears. That, combined with the faraway bubbling sound and the occasional ticking that seemed to come from about two inches behind his right ear, turned silence into an almost unbearable clamour.

      ‘Your ability to focus on other things will improve when you get your hearing aid.’ Raina’s tone was matter-of-fact, but the look in her eyes...

      It was the look that could make him forget about everything else and believe that there was nothing else in the world but her. No sound but the sound of her voice. No feeling that didn’t emanate from her touch...

      ‘Yeah. That’s what my audiologist says. I’m not getting my hopes up too much.’

      She nodded, thoughtfully. ‘We should have gone somewhere quieter to talk.’

      ‘I heard what I needed to hear. And I have to get used to functioning in any situation.’

      ‘So you’re throwing yourself in at the deep end?’

      Alistair was about to protest that he was doing nothing of the sort, and that he could hear her perfectly well now. But that was because Raina was doing exactly what he usually had to ask people to do—facing him and speaking clearly. She’d always given him what he’d needed...

      And he hadn’t given her what she’d needed. He’d let her go because someone else could give her the family that she’d so wanted and that he just hadn’t been ready for. But now, even if he was struggling to find his place in a world that suddenly seemed strange and remote, he could give her something.

      ‘I want you to go back to the office. Ask to see Heidi Walker, she’s Gabriel’s and my assistant. Give her your application and ask her to pass it to Gabriel to read this evening. I’ll give him a call later.’

      ‘That can wait until tomorrow, Alistair. I need to get you home first.’

      He was already beginning to shiver in the afternoon sun, and despite himself Alistair wanted Raina to make a fuss of him. But he’d already revealed more than he wanted her to know, and he just wanted her to go now, before he was tempted to let anything else slip.

      ‘Pass me the envelope. And do you have a pen?’

      Raina shot him a look that made it very clear that her compliance didn’t mean she agreed, and plunged her hand into her bag, producing a plastic ballpoint. She balanced her application on the top of her bag to provide a makeshift writing surface and Alistair scribbled a note to Heidi, trying not to get any drips onto the envelope.

      She was staring at him dumbly, clearly about to argue with him. But there was no point in listening to Raina tell him that she wouldn’t leave while he was wet through, bleeding and confused by the sounds around him. They were the exact reasons he wanted her to go.

      ‘The police officer came over while you were with Jamie, and he’s radioed for a car to take me home.’

      ‘But...’ Raina wasn’t giving up that easily. She had to, though, because if The Watchlight Trust was going to be able to help her daughter, then their relationship had to be completely professional. All about the little girl’s needs and not his.

      ‘Go, Raina.’ He spoke quickly, before he had a chance to change his mind. ‘I want you to go.’

      * * *

      There had been moments when Alistair’s mask of self-reliance had slipped. When the thought that he wanted her there, with him, had thundered through Raina’s head. But now he was cool, and more than a little commanding.

      He could protest that he was all right as much as he wanted. It was basic medical necessity to clean a cut that had been submersed in dirty water, and he could like it or not. If he didn’t like it he could jump straight back into the river.

      Raina got to her feet, stuffing the envelope back into her bag, and walked over to the ambulance paramedics, who were getting ready to go. After making sure that Jamie didn’t need her, she asked for some antiseptic wipes, and was given a small pack of them, along with a pair of disposable gloves.

      Returning to Alistair, she tore the wrapper open. He seemed about to argue and then obviously thought better of it. At least he still knew when to keep his mouth shut.

      He winced as she cleaned the cut on his face, but said nothing, and when she told him to show her his hands, he held them out silently, turning them so she could check them thoroughly.

      ‘Did you swallow any water?’

      ‘No. It’s just as filthy as it looks and I decided not to stop for a drink.’

      ‘Take these.’ Raina put the rest of the antiseptic wipes down next to him on the deck. ‘Clean that cut again when you get home, and make sure to do to the same with any other abrasions.’

      ‘Yes. Thanks. You should go. The office will be closing soon.’

      ‘Shall I tell them what’s happened? So they won’t be expecting you back?’

      ‘Yes, thanks. Say I’ll be back first thing tomorrow.’

      There was no point in telling him that he might want to spend tomorrow morning easing out any aches and pains and making sure that his dive into the water hadn’t resulted in any other ill-effects. Alistair had made it clear that it wasn’t her place any more and he was right.

      ‘Is your phone working?’

      Alistair reached into his pocket, and took out his phone. The screen was cracked, and water dripped from it onto the deck.

      ‘Doesn’t look like it. But I’ve a backup at home, in case I lose this one.’

      That was Alistair all over. He was all about the work, and nothing got in the way of that. A broken phone was a trifling obstacle when compared to a broken marriage, and he’d managed to spend enough of his energies on work then. Raina swallowed down her resentment and reached into her bag.

      ‘I’d like you to let me know that you’re okay.’ She scribbled her mobile number onto a scrap of paper and tucked it into the packet of antiseptic wipes.

      ‘I’ll text you as soon as I’ve got home and taken a shower.’

      His tone indicated that there was nothing more to say. She had to go now, and show him that she could follow his instructions, because that was what Raina was going to have to do if Anya was accepted onto The Watchlight Trust’s project.

      ‘Thanks. Take care, Alistair.’ Raina got to her feet, trying not to look at him in case that made her want to stay. Standing aside to let the ambulance crew take Jamie and his mother up the gangway to their vehicle, she didn’t look back until she’d reached the pavement.

      Then she couldn’t help herself. Her knees were grimy from kneeling on the wet deck and she pushed her skirt up to rub at them with a tissue, as an excuse to stop and turn. As she did so, she saw a police car draw up, and an officer get out and make her way down onto the boat.

      That was Alistair’s lift home. She saw him get to his feet, and a couple of the pleasure boat’s crew came to shake his hand. Then the policewoman ushered him towards the gangway, smiling at him as she did so. That was Raina’s invitation to leave, before Alistair saw that she was still there.

       CHAPTER THREE

      THERE HAD BEEN a time when Raina’s touch would

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