LITMIR.BIZ

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out, and if she’d looked up at that point she’d have been rewarded with a ghost of a smile. ‘Where do loo rolls come into it?’

      ‘They don’t.’ Her eyes did meet his then, briefly, awkwardly and she immediately pulled them away. ‘What I’m trying to say is that I was way out of line.’

      ‘You were,’ Corey agreed, but more gently this time. ‘But I was probably being overly sensitive.’ Those massive shoulders moved downwards as he gave a ragged sigh, and Lydia saw the lines of concern grooved around his eyes. ‘There’s a lot going on there.’

      ‘With Adele?’

      Corey nodded. ‘She was a lawyer. Hard to believe it now, but she was the epitome of sophistication. Somehow she and Luke made it all look so damn easy.’

      ‘Luke’s her husband?’ Lydia checked, wincing when Corey continued.

      ‘Was. He was killed in the car accident. Adele was in a coma for six weeks. We were so close to making that awful decision—to discontinue treatment. She was so sick and there really seemed no hope.’

      ‘But look how well she’s done,’ Lydia said optimistically, her voice trailing off as Corey shook his head.

      ‘She suffered massive brain injuries—she’s got frontal lobe damage, which means no inhibitions and no responsibility for her actions. Sometimes I wonder if we did the right thing.’ Strained eyes met hers. ‘You’ve seen Bailey. No doubt you think the kid needs a good smack, to be disciplined…’

      Lydia shook her head, but her blush gave her away.

      ‘You wouldn’t be alone,’ Corey said sadly. ‘Bailey was in the accident as well. He’s undergoing a load of tests, they’re not sure if he suffered brain damage himself or if he’s got attention deficit disorder. His paediatrician has even started to suggest autism.’

      ‘What do you think?’ Lydia asked, hearing the doubt in his voice.

      ‘I think it’s a rather more basic problem.’

      ‘Such as?’ The room was deathly quiet now and it took an age for him to answer.

      ‘Neglect,’ Corey said finally. ‘I’ve made so many excuses for her, rushed over there to clean up before the social worker comes, filled up her fridge with healthy food. I go round every night or morning and bath him, cut his toenails, clean his ears, all the things Adele wouldn’t even think of doing, but…’

      ‘It’s not enough?’ Lydia ventured, watching as Corey shook his head sadly.

      ‘I don’t know what to do,’ Corey admitted. ‘So if I jumped down your throat out there, it was with reason.’

      ‘You had every right to jump down my throat,’ Lydia said softly. ‘Even without what you’ve just told me. I know I can be harsh sometimes, know I can come across as rude. In fact, it’s becoming rather a habit.’ Tears were appallingly close now, but she blinked them away, picking instead at an imaginary piece of fluff on her theatre blues. ‘I seem to be eternally putting my foot in it these days, snapping people’s heads off, saying the wrong thing…’

      ‘You’ve got a lot on your mind.’

      ‘I know,’ Lydia admitted, ‘but so do you and yet you still manage to come to work with a smile. It would be nice to manage a simple greeting without messing things up.’

      ‘I think you’re being a bit harsh on yourself. I haven’t had any complaints from the staff and the parents seem to like you.’

      ‘Because I talk to them about medicine,’ Lydia snapped, and then bit it back, shrugging her shoulders helplessly at her own abrasiveness. ‘Six months ago I was an entirely different person.’ She gestured to the window, and they stared out through the half-open blinds for a second or two before Lydia carried on talking. ‘See Jo there, chatting away while she works, laughing at something someone’s said? Well, that was me. I knew all the staff, and I don’t mean just their names, I knew what was happening in their lives.’

      ‘You’ve only been here a couple of weeks,’ Corey pointed out, but Lydia shook her head.

      ‘I’m a fast learner. I get on with people, or at least I used to.’ Green eyes were staring at her now, the anger gone from them. But Lydia knew he deserved an explanation and, perhaps more pointedly, she wanted to tell him her story, though why she couldn’t quite fathom.

      ‘I thought we had a good marriage. Gavin was a pharmacologist working for a big US drug company. He was away a lot, but I didn’t mind.’ Corey didn’t say anything, just headed for the inevitable kettle, making a cup of tea as she carried on talking. Lydia was infinitely grateful for the reprieve from his gaze as she told her difficult tale. ‘He was involved in drug trials on my old ward. It was terribly complicated and meant he was there a lot.’

      ‘You didn’t mind?’ It was the first time Corey had spoken, his hand hovering over the sugar bowl but his back still to her. ‘Seeing him at work every day?’

      ‘Not in the slightest. I mean, we were so busy there wasn’t exactly time for social chit-chat, at least not on my part.’ She watched him spoon the sugar into her mug, watched as it passed the one mark and went to two, didn’t even think to stop him as a third sugar hit was ladled into the brew. Accepting the sickly offer, she took a sip, glad of the sweet warmth before she continued. ‘You asked where the loo rolls came into things.’ A hollow laugh filled the room. ‘Suddenly we were rowing about everything, even down to loo rolls, but whenever I pushed, whenever I asked what was wrong, I got the same response: “I’m just tired.” I knew that wasn’t it, knew there must be something else…’ Her voice trailed off and Corey spoke for her.

      ‘He was having an affair?’

      ‘Of course.’ She watched as he blinked in surprise at her openness, even managed a wry smile of her own as she found her voice again. ‘But that’s not the best bit. As I said, I knew there was something wrong and finally Gavin came up with an answer. He wanted a baby, figured that now we were in our thirties it wasn’t such an unreasonable request.’

      ‘You didn’t want children?’

      Lydia shook her head. ‘No. When people asked, I always qualified that with “not for ages”, but the honest answer is I really didn’t want to have a child. I love my work, loved my husband, it was truly enough for me.’

      ‘But not for Gavin?’

      ‘Seemingly not. He knew I didn’t want children and with hindsight I guess it was the one thing he could hang on me, apportion blame to. I guess he didn’t know me well enough.’ Tired, confused eyes met his. ‘I came off the Pill.’ Her voice dropped so low it was barely audible. ‘Figured I was being selfish. After all, it was hardly an unreasonable request—we’d been married five years, for heaven’s sake. I should have held my ground.’

      Realising she’d lost him, Lydia gave a tired shrug.

      ‘It turned out he never wanted a baby either. It was just an excuse, an excuse to dust away the rows, to explain the sudden lethargy and the problems we supposedly had. Gavin no more wanted a child than I did. I found out he was sleeping with one of the nurses on my ward.’

      ‘Oh, no.’ She heard the genuine shock in Corey’s voice but it bought no comfort. Lydia was far too used to being the centre of gossip, way too used to the incredulous reaction to the news.

      ‘Oh, yes! He’d been sleeping with Marcia for three months, and the worst part was I thought she was my friend.’ Her eyes screwed closed for a second. ‘She was actually my best friend. I thought we were really close, I’m not one for opening up…’

      ‘I’d never have guessed.’

      His dry comment even forced a tiny smile but it didn’t last long as Lydia continued her painful tale. ‘I’d even confided in her about our problems, told her I was thinking of coming off the Pill…’ Gripping her fists tightly in her lap, Lydia

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