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‘OK,’ Annie called, organising her team for their final duties. ‘Let’s get ready to transfer Len up to surgery. Thanks, Francesca. Good job, everyone.’
A further flurry of activity ensued before Len, stable but serious, was on his way to the theatre team, who would take over his care and do all they could to repair the damage to his legs.
Having taken off her protective clothing, Annie went with Holly to see the family, to explain what had happened and what was going to be done during surgery. She left Holly to escort the anxious relatives upstairs to the waiting area in the surgical suite, while she returned to Resus, noting that the first bay was still occupied. Robert and his team were still battling to save the elderly woman whose heart problems had led to the accident.
Her own team had already dispersed, to deal with less serious casualties in the main department, while a nurse remained to ensure Resus Bay Two was prepared for the next emergency. Annie paused a moment, unsettled by her feelings as she looked at Nathan. He was sitting on a stool, finishing his notes, but he smiled when he saw her, causing an uncomfortable knot to form in her chest.
‘It’s only my second day here, but already I am very impressed by the whole department.’
‘We’re a close-knit unit,’ she agreed, pleased for her colleagues at Nathan’s praise.
She scanned the notes he handed her and signed off on them, clutching the folder to her like a shield as she took a step backwards, aware that they were now alone.
‘It was like old times working with you, Annie. You’ve developed into one hell of a doctor.’ The husky edge to his voice sent a tingle down her spine. ‘And we haven’t lost that natural understanding.’
She had always enjoyed being teamed with Nathan in the past. He was naturally talented, never losing his cool in any situation, and always maintaining his compassion for the patient and his generosity towards the staff working with him. Despite her painful awareness of him, for a while there, engrossed in meeting Len’s needs, it was as if the years apart had never happened. Working in tandem, displaying the kind of instinctive understanding that only grew with trust and time, she and Nathan had been attuned to each other’s thoughts and actions. And that had been scary. She couldn’t allow Nathan to ease back into her life as if nothing had happened. It had hurt too much last time. Bare minutes after seeing him again and she was already vulnerable. She had to do whatever was necessary to protect herself, because no way could she risk her heart taking a second beating.
In consequence, she kept her voice controlled when she replied. ‘All that was a long time ago. I’m surprised you’re not a hotshot consultant by now, Nathan. I thought that was all you wanted,’ she added, unable to keep the bitter edge from her voice, but regretting her challenge as the friendliness faded from Nathan’s expression, his eyes turning hard and shuttered.
‘You had no idea what I wanted, Annie. You never shared my hopes and dreams and fears because you weren’t interested in anything but what you wanted.’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘Really?’ One eyebrow lifted sardonically. ‘What do you know about me? What do you know about my life, my goals, my feelings?’
Alarmed, wishing she had never begun this awful conversation, Annie focused on her own years of hurt. ‘So why did you put up with me then, if I was so selfish?’
‘Because I loved you. Apparently that wasn’t good enough. It had to be your way or no way.’
She stared at him, speechless with shock, both at the pain-laden softness of his words and the fact that he so clearly believed what he’d said. But he hadn’t loved her, an inner voice cried in agonised remembrance. Had he? Tears stung her eyes. If it was true, why had he rejected her? A wave of indignation swelled within her, only to vie with a disconcerting flicker of doubt. Enough doubt that she swallowed the rush of argumentative words that fought for freedom…words she would once have been unable to contain. She was older now. She had a responsible position. She wasn’t going to lower herself by reacting childishly. Squaring her shoulders, she took a steadying breath and refused to respond further, all too worried that Nathan’s accusations would play on her mind in the days ahead.
‘We’re clearly not going to agree, and rehashing things serves no purpose,’ she stated, proud of the coolness she’d managed to inject into her voice, betraying no sign of the way she was shaking inside. ‘I suggest we get back to work. We have other patients to see.’
Eager to put distance between herself and Nathan, she left Resus and returned Len’s case folder to its proper place, so the Trauma Sheet could be photocopied for the in-house notes. She was grateful that the department was so busy, hoping she could lose herself in work and ignore her confused thoughts about Nathan’s troubling reappearance in her life…not to mention his very different recollection about their time together and their distressing parting.
In truth, she had been on edge since Frazer and Callie’s wedding. A doctor and paramedic respectively, on the local air ambulance crew, her friends had married at Strathlochan Castle on Christmas Eve, withAnnie as maid of honour. The day had ended with Callie’s bridal bouquet flying through the air and landing squarely in Annie’s reluctant arms. A shiver ran through her as she relived the moment. At the time she had felt uneasy, as if it was a bad omen instead of the good luck tradition proclaimed. Now, three weeks later, Nathan had shown up, confirming her premonition.
Whilst Annie had been thrilled at her friends’ happiness, their wedding had brought back memories, making her wonder what her own life would have been like had things turned out differently. The reality was that she was now unlikely ever to marry and have the family she had always longed for. Nathan had stolen her dreams when he’d broken her heart, and she would never trust another man again.
Maybe things had happened for the best. She’d certainly progressed much further in her career than she had expected, because she had used hard work as an escape, a comfort, a protection against the pain. The kind of debilitating pain she never wanted to experience again. Even now it hurt too much to think of what could have been—what should have been, had Nathan loved her as much as she had loved him. As much as he now claimed to have done. She had to remember old hurts and be wise to the lessons of the past, lest she fall for Nathan’s charm all over again.
Conscious of him watching her, she made her way to Reception, collected information on the next patient waiting to be seen and called her through from the crowded waiting area. Focusing on the young child—who had somehow managed to wedge a couple of polystyrene packing chips up her nose, where they were well and truly stuck—Annie determined to set the problem of Nathan from her mind. At least for the time being. Unfortunately, though, however much she might wish it, she didn’t think he was going to go away any time soon.
Consumed with frustration, Nathan watched Annie draw a curtain around the cubicle into which she had shown a worried mother with a tearful young daughter.
Every time he was close to Annie his heart started hammering in his chest, his breath felt trapped in his lungs, and his palms dampened. Let alone what happened further south, his body tightening and hardening in an instinctive reaction to her presence. She still aroused in him equal parts physical, gut-tingling desire and crippling emotional uncertainty, just as in the past.
Five years on they still had a connection, and worked well together on a professional basis, but it was clear he was going to have a difficult time making any headway with Annie personally. It had been a mistake to be drawn into a disagreement so soon. He shouldn’t have let her rile him. But her stubbornness and her inability to see another point of view drove him to distraction.
Sucking in a breath, he struggled for calm. There was so much he and Annie needed to talk about, to resolve. That they were far apart in their perception of the events of the past was obvious, and it was not going