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      To Julie Kistler and Colleen Collins

      Let’s do this again sometime.

      The Golden Rules for Miss Arlotta’s Girls

      We know rules are not your favorite things, but some things need to be written down.

      So here’s your Golden Rules, girls. Abide by ’em and we’ll all do just fine. We weren’t exactly angels when we were here the first time around, but we’ve got another chance. So we want to do what we can to keep the idea of holy matrimony satisfying so’s nobody’s man will be tempted to go lookin’ elsewhere for a good time. It may not seem fair, but them’s the rules. We helped ’em stray.

      Now we’re helping ’em stay.

      Rule #1: You will never, ever do anything that might come between the bride and groom.

      Rule #2: No visibility. You can’t be scarin’ the livin’ daylights out of folks by fading in and out or showing up in bits and pieces at the wrong time.

      Rule #3: Never, ever make love with a guest yourself. No exceptions.

      Rule #4: No emotional attachments to anyone. You can’t follow them when they leave, so you might as well not get attached.

      Rule #5: When you have successfully put a troubled couple on the road to bedroom bliss, you earn a Notch in Miss Arlotta’s Bedpost Book.

      Rule #6: Especially good or bad activities may earn you Gold Stars or Black Marks.

      Rule #7: It’s gonna take ten Notches before you can advance. All Advancements shall be determined by Miss Arlotta and the Council, who will consider how difficult your couples were, how much work you had to do, your level of creativity, whether your heart was in the right place and those Gold Stars or Black Marks.

      Rule #8: Any girl who disobeys these rules shall be punished.

      Rule #9: Any and all rules may be changed by Miss Arlotta as she sees fit.

      That’s it. Push those couples into as much wedded bliss as they can handle, and we’ll all do fine. You’re all creative ladies when it comes to what happens between the sheets. So let’s get to work and show ’em what kinds of sparks can fly when the spirits are willing!

      Contents

       Prologue

       Chapter 1

       Chapter 2

       Chapter 3

       Chapter 4

       Chapter 5

       Chapter 6

       Chapter 7

       Chapter 8

       Chapter 9

       Chapter 10

       Chapter 11