LITMIR.BIZ

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So no girls would be friends with me in case I stole their boyfriends, and no guys would risk being seen with me in case people made fun of them. I didn’t even have a proper boyfriend until just before I went away to university. There were a couple of guys at school...but Melissa stole them away pretty fast. Then Derek...’

      ‘Derek?’ Noah prodded when she trailed off, and Eloise sighed. This was the most humiliating bit.

      ‘The summer before I left for uni, I was in a play at the Theatre Society. I’d been in loads before, but always in the chorus or helping backstage. This was my first real role. And Derek...he was the director. Older than me—he was twenty-five, I think, to my eighteen. But he took a shine to me. He was my first real everything, I suppose.’

      Noah shifted closer, something Eloise hadn’t thought was possible until she felt his arms holding her tighter. ‘What happened?’

      ‘Mum had the lead role, of course. But her leading man broke his leg a couple of weeks into rehearsals. Derek stepped in...’

      Noah winced. ‘And your mother?’

      ‘Did what she always did.’ Eloise shrugged. ‘I don’t know why I thought it would be any different, just because he was my boyfriend instead of someone else’s husband.’

      ‘How did you find out?’

      ‘Melissa, of course. She sent me down to the prop room to fetch something when she knew they were there together.’ Eloise swallowed at the memory, her throat suddenly tight. If she thought about it too long, she became eighteen again—in the grip of infatuation, sexual awakening and too many hormones, and seeing all her dreams and illusions shattered in one instant, as she saw her mother half naked against the prop table, and Derek kissing her.

      Noah cursed. ‘What did you do?’

      ‘I shut the door, walked away and pretended I’d never been there. I finished with Derek, of course, who didn’t seem all that disappointed. And then I ran away to university.’ She’d been searching for freedom, the ability to be herself, without the baggage of her family history. But all she’d found was that she was the same shy, scared and gullible little girl in a different town.

      ‘And after college you moved back here?’ Noah sounded surprised. ‘You even came and worked at the same hotel. Why?’

      ‘It was my home,’ Eloise said firmly. ‘I couldn’t let them take that from me. When I first took the chambermaid job here at sixteen, I guess I was just looking for some freedom. But when I came back...it was a safe place. My place.’

      ‘I guess I can understand that,’ Noah said, but his tone said he couldn’t.

      She sighed. ‘Also...university wasn’t the fresh new life I was hoping for. Turns out I was the same naive and gullible Eloise there too.’

      She’d thrown herself into her business studies and, in her final year, a relationship with another student. Everything seemed perfect—they’d talked about setting up an events business together, about heading out into the real world and making it big. Everything she’d dreamed of seemed close to coming true—running her own business, living her own life, making a success of things at last. Until he’d run off with her best ideas and the only friend she’d made at university, leaving all her classmates talking about it.

      Really, was it any wonder she avoided love these days?

      ‘Do you want to tell me?’ Noah asked, and Eloise shook her head.

      ‘Let’s just say, at least the guy who screwed me over personally and professionally at uni wasn’t an actor.’

      Noah didn’t press for the whole sordid story, which she appreciated. She’d shared enough of her past disasters for one night.

      Instead, he kissed her shoulder and asked, ‘Where are your parents now?’

      ‘My dad died while I was at university. My mum...she’s still in town. Her memory is going, though. Early onset dementia, the doctors said. She can’t even remember everything she did back then. These days she’s just a harmless old lady, I suppose. And the town... Well, they haven’t forgotten, I don’t suppose. But there are newer and better scandals to talk about most of the time.’

      ‘Until Melissa came back and brought it all up again.’

      ‘Yeah.’

      Noah sighed. ‘Well, I guess that explains a lot about your attitude to actors.’

      With a laugh, Eloise lay back, breaking the intense connection between them. She felt lighter, somehow, for telling him everything.

      ‘Of course, you’re still hugely biased against us.’ Noah followed her, his body pressing against hers as he kissed her again. ‘Not all actors are the same, you know.’

      ‘Maybe not,’ Eloise allowed. ‘But a lot of them are. Look at you—a different girl on your arm in every photo.’

      ‘That’s different.’

      ‘How?’

      ‘That’s...it’s not me,’ Noah said. ‘It’s the Noah Cross the press and the public want to see.’

      ‘So it’s all an act. But do the women you take out know that?’

      ‘Always.’ Noah’s eyes were serious above her. ‘I’m always upfront. It’s one night, or several, but it’s never serious. They know the deal. I never fall for them, never tell them I love them, never give them any expectations.’

      ‘So you try never to hurt anyone.’ But was he protecting them or himself? Eloise couldn’t be sure. ‘Isn’t that kind of lonely?’

      ‘Sometimes.’

      ‘So why do it?’

      Noah didn’t answer. Instead, he rolled over to lie beside her again.

      ‘What about your family?’ Eloise asked instead. ‘You’ve heard all about mine. Tell me about yours. Are they proud of you?’

      Noah barked out a harsh laugh. ‘Not exactly. My dad’s opinion of actors is about as good as yours. He thinks we’re all entitled, self-obsessed, narcissistic idiots. Not that he’d put it in those words.’

      ‘Why?’ Eloise asked. ‘I mean, why does he think that? And what about your mother?’

      ‘I grew up in standard middle America. My family were God-fearing, humble and happy to stay at exactly the same level they’d always been. Working a factory job, drinking beer on a Friday night and never looking for anything different.’

      ‘But you weren’t,’ Eloise guessed.

      ‘No. My best friend and I...we always talked about getting out of town, escaping to LA and seeking fame and fortune.’ Noah gave a half smile at the memory. ‘I always thought it was a bit of a pipe dream—until the day she said, “Let’s go”.’

      ‘And you went.’

      ‘Yeah. I did.’ He smiled at her. ‘And the rest is history.’ Leaning in, he pressed kisses over her shoulder, obviously hoping to distract her. But Eloise had more questions.

      ‘Why did you want to know about my mother?’ she asked. ‘And don’t say it’s because I’m different. Everybody is different. If you want to know me...I need to know. Why?’

      Noah shifted beside her, lying flat on his back as he stared at the ceiling. Eloise turned onto her side and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close, almost absently, it seemed. Was he always like this with a woman after sex? He said the conversation was new, but what about the closeness? Eloise knew she’d never have the courage to ask.

      ‘I can’t completely explain it,’ Noah said eventually. ‘But I’ll try.’

      ‘Good enough.’ Resting her cheek against his chest, Eloise felt his heartbeat thrumming through her body, in time with her own, and listened.

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