LITMIR.BIZ

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been all casual like, ‘Did you guys hook up?’“

      “Jesus.”

      “Yeah. So then she told everyone I’d had sex with this older guy, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone the truth. I felt embarrassed or something. Which is so stupid, because it wasn’t my fault. But I just couldn’t. And then time passed and there wouldn’t be any way to prove it anyway. So I just gave up.”

      Becca’s breath was caught in her throat.

      “I’m so sorry.” It came out as a whisper.

      Becca didn’t even know if it was just Dana she was talking to. She was imagining that girl … the small girl with red hair. Lulu. Becca couldn’t even pretend to herself that she didn’t remember her name. It had been her fault.

      It was Becca’s first year at McDaniel High School—tenth grade. Her middle school had been seventh through ninth grades. And for her, her tenth-grade year was the year she became pretty. For the longest time, it seemed to her then, she had been too skinny with big hands and feet. She’d been pale and had straight light hair. Her skin had been clean, but her braces had made that irrelevant. Her chest had been as flat as her butt and her stomach. But now she had a clean slate, where she only knew some of the people around her, and she was completely different. Her mom finally let her get contacts. Her braces came off. Her boobs started to grow in—enough to wear a padded bra, anyway. She was suddenly tall, thin, blonde and pretty.

      She was suddenly Becca Normandy. Not Rebecca, anymore. Becca.

      It was right after the Homecoming football game, which was a week before the Homecoming dance. She didn’t have a date, but she’d certainly become more popular lately. She’d gotten her friend, Lulu, to come along to the game, even though she didn’t want to.

      “Oh, come on,” Becca had said, “it’ll be fun! I bet you’ll even get a date! What if we both do?”

      So Lulu had come. By the end of the game, they’d been chatted up by some of the Most Sought After senior boys. They invited the two girls to a party at the quarterback’s house. Everyone knew Jake Lanter hadn’t found his date yet. He’d just dumped his cheerleader girlfriend.

      Becca begged Lulu to go with her. “Please! They invited us both, there’s no way this isn’t, like, our beginning of popularity.”

      Lulu finally gave in, reluctantly lying to her mother and saying she was staying at Becca’s for the night. Becca called her mother and told her she’d be at Lulu’s. Classic.

      It was almost two in the morning, and Becca was on her fifth Smirnoff Ice. It was enough to make her loopy—she’d never had anything much before. Just sips of her parents’ merlot when they weren’t looking. And that had been just … awful. Nothing like these bottles full of sugar.

      Jake, the god of Hotness, Popularity and the ticket to Becca’s happiness, walked over to her. He was probably about five inches taller than her, and very intimidating. He smiled, his eyes narrowed.

      “You’re so hot,” he said, then biting his lip. “How come I’ve never heard of you?”

      She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

      She knew why, of course. It was because she hadn’t been “so hot” until recently. The braces coming off had really tipped her into the attractive zone.

      “You know, my friend Eric has a crush on your friend Lulu.”

      She looked at the guy he indicated. He was talking to a nervous-looking Lulu. She couldn’t help but think smugly that Jake was hotter.

      “Does he really?” she asked. “She probably likes him, too.”

      Lulu would have killed her for saying it. But Becca had said it before she could stop herself.

      He looked over at the pair. “Thing is, she looks a little nervous. Don’t you think she looks nervous?”

      She nodded. “She probably is.” She hoped she didn’t sound nervous.

      “So here’s what we’re gonna do. Slip this into her drink.” He handed her a small Ziploc bag with a tiny bit of white powder in it.

      She shook her head, but he smiled.

      “Baby,” he said, putting his hand on her cheek. “It’s nothing bad, come on. You can trust me. Hey, I mean, I’d offer you some, but you don’t look nervous at all. You’re cool. You probably know just what to do. Don’t you?”

      Jake kissed her on the neck and pulled her close. Her heart pounded, not only with the thrill of being pursued by the quarterback, but with the unhappy thought that she didn’t know just what to do.

      “I can’t … she’s my friend, I don’t want to give her anything without telling—”

      He rolled his eyes, and she cowered under his growing agitation. He looked at her. “Okay, listen. It’s called Delastor. It’s just gonna stop her from thinking too much. Does your friend worry a lot?”

      Yes. That was Lulu. It had only been with Becca’s begging that they ended up here at all. And look at them—two football players were talking to them. It was a good thing Becca had done the thinking for Lulu. Maybe this was just one more time she needed that.

      “I’ll do it.”

      “Good,” said Jake. “Do that, and then find me. We’ll have fun.”

      She nodded and smiled. “Okay.”

      He walked away, and she grabbed another Smirnoff Ice. Watermelon—that was Lulu’s favorite flavor. She had pajamas with watermelons all over them.

      With shaking hands, Becca poured in the white powder. It was just going to make her relax. That was all it’d do. What’s the worst that could happen? She fell asleep?

      To Becca, who was fourteen and had seen little of the world, this seemed completely reasonable.

      She handed the drink to Lulu. “Here,” she said, giving a small smile to Eric. “Drink this. We should cheers to … our first Homecoming game.”

      Lulu didn’t argue. She didn’t have any reason to mistrust Becca. She drank hers and waited for Lulu to finish—Becca got a small flip in her stomach when she imagined telling Jake that not only had she done it, but she’d made sure Lulu drank the whole thing.

      When she told him, he smiled and pulled her outside and onto the trampoline. Almost everyone was asleep or hooking up. After some preamble that Becca had now blocked out, she and Jake were making out hard core. She wanted to enjoy it. She did enjoy the fact that it was Jake doing it. But he was rough, and never gentle. His tongue stabbed into her mouth harshly and without consideration of what she was doing. He pulled her hair a little too hard, but she was too afraid to say anything.

      It was only with the strength she had in the core of herself that she was able to tell him that she wouldn’t have sex with him. He did exactly what she’d feared when he tossed her aside muttering that she wasn’t worth all that.

      She sat there for a little while, feeling sorry for herself and hoping he’d come apologize. She tried hard not to cry from the embarrassment, and failed. Finally she wiped off her tears, and went inside to find Lulu. She’d pay for a damn cab. All she wanted was to go home and watch something with a happy ending. She remembered that her dad had just bought her Thin Mints.

      She pulled open the sliding door. She walked past a couple grinding on the sofa, illuminated by the blue light of the TV screen. She opened a bedroom door and found people smoking weed. She opened another and found a bunch of sleeping bodies—none of them Lulu’s. She went upstairs and hesitated. The only room up there had noise coming from it. Banging. She didn’t want to open the door. But after looking everywhere else in the house, she knew Lulu was either gone or in that room. She opened the door and saw Lulu’s naked, limp body. Her red-haired head was repeatedly hitting the headboard as Eric, the narrow-hipped

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