LITMIR.BIZ

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and be herself.

      Of course, Rachel thought, smiling to herself, the person who can fool Tanisha has not been born, so there’s really no point in trying to be anything less than open with her.

      “Why are you home today?” Rachel asked, conversation rolling naturally and comfortably between them.

      “Oh, well, it’s my weekend, you know,” Tanisha answered.

      Tanisha, in order to avoid working off-shifts, had elected to take a schedule with rotating weekends. Therefore, rather than a Saturday-Sunday weekend, she sometimes had other combinations. In this case, it looked like Tuesday-Wednesday.

      “And Vanessa is with Wayne?”

      “Yeah,” Tanisha agreed, nodding her head, her beads rustling in her hair. “I have to admit, once we worked it out, he’s pretty sympathetic about the weekend time. He has alternating shifts, too, so we try to give Vanessa time with each of us on our weekends, but we try to give each other a free weekend now and then. We’ve been able to reduce day-care time for Vanessa, which is great. Not that it was easy to get it worked out.” Tanisha was shaking her head vehemently now, lending emphasis to her words, the beads increasing their gentle rhythm.

      Rachel had never pressed Tanisha for the details of the situations, grateful that Tanisha had never pressed her either. Frankly, she was reluctant to risk asking anything that would change that. Rachel had never been inclined to complain about what life had thrown her—living it was all she could do. She assumed Tanisha had a similar philosophy.

      Always, it had been enough that they were both single mothers of young daughters, doing their best. In that, they had much in common.

      However, Rachel now considered the possibility that knowing how someone else had coped might be valuable information. Comforting, even. It was the reason for support groups, she reasoned.

      Suddenly Rachel wanted to know more about Tanisha’s details. “How did you work it out?”

      “Well—” Tanisha pondered a minute “—first, I had to let go of Wayne, I guess. I had to accept that he didn’t want to be married, or at least not to me. But he did want to be a father. Once I got used to those basic facts, things went a lot better.”

      “He didn’t want to be married?”

      “No. Well…I mean, I didn’t either, exactly. We were just, you know, seriously seeing each other, not dating anyone else. But we sure were not thinking about making babies. Then, when I realized that we were making a baby, whether or not we planned to be, well, that’s when we got married. No argument on that. But after a couple years, it was pretty obvious that Wayne really didn’t want to be married. I fought that. I didn’t want to give up, you know? I thought a marriage, no matter how bad, was better than no marriage. And I didn’t think ours was that bad. So, eventually he was moving out and filing for divorce and I was a nutcase over it. I was not—” she emphasized the word with a severely arched eyebrow “—very nice about it.” Tanisha shrugged, exchanging her harsh expression for a relaxed one. “But eventually I admitted to myself that it was losing the marriage that upset me, not losing Wayne. I liked him well enough, but—” she shrugged again “—I was not consumed with love for the man. Passion, oh, yeah. That part we did right, which is what got us together in the first place.”

      She punctuated her story with a laugh. “But I wasn’t in love with him. He wasn’t in love with me. That was never really part of our marriage. So I finally let go. And now Wayne and me, we’re friends. I would have never believed it, but we are. And that’s the best we can do for Vanessa, which is the important thing, anyway.”

      “Do you ever miss it? Being married, I mean?” Rachel wasn’t sure where the questions were coming from.

      “Lord, yes, I miss it. I don’t miss Wayne, mind you, not anymore. But I miss being part of a couple. I’d like to have that again. You know what I’m saying?”

      “Sí, sí, I think I do know.” Rachel nodded. “I’d say I miss being part of a couple, too. I guess some people see freedom in being single, but for me, to always be making decisions by myself, to never have anyone to share things with, good or bad…that gets old.”

      “I hear that,” Tanisha said in agreement, her ebony eyes watching Rachel, missing nothing. “And that’s the weird thing with Wayne now. We are both so much parents. If it has to do with Vanessa, I’m not alone. We are totally, completely partners as parents. I just can’t believe it sometimes.” Tanisha raised her eyebrow meaningfully, signaling her upcoming questions. “What about you? Do you have someone to parent with you now?”

      Rachel gave a start, surprised by Tanisha’s inquiry. “You mean…Lucas?”

      “Is that the man’s name? I always wondered.” Tanisha was nodding, her hair beads rustling again.

      “Sí, his name is Lucas.” Rachel sighed deeply.

      “And how did your meeting go?”

      “You know about that?” Rachel had told very few people about this morning’s meeting. She couldn’t remember discussing it with Tanisha. It had been arranged quite suddenly.

      “Oh, yeah. Your mamá and me, we talk.”

      “Ah, bueno. I see.” Rachel smiled, then sighed again. “I guess it went well.”

      “He’s going to help?”

      “Mmm-hmm. At least, he’s going to be tested. This afternoon. I just have to hope he’ll be compatible. And then that he won’t chicken out, once he knows what he’ll have to do.”

      Tanisha regarded her friend, noticing how pale she looked, seeing the signs of strain in her face. “And how is the mamá—you, that is—how are you doing?”

      “Me?”

      “Yes, you.” Tanisha laughed, pointing her index finger at Rachel, her sparkling burgundy fingernail the perfect complement to her mahogany skin. “I have to think it was not the easiest way to spend your morning.”

      “That’s true enough,” Rachel said, a weak smile touching her lips. “I’m okay, I guess. Very anxious about the testing. And, yeah, as you said, I have definitely had more fun.”

      “Was he nasty to you?”

      Tanisha’s insight startled Rachel into honesty. “Sí. At first. Then again, this was the first he’s ever heard of us having a daughter, so he was bound to have a strong reaction.”

      Tanisha raised her eyebrow again, Rachel’s admission not being what she had expected. “So…Lucas, is that his name? He didn’t know about Michaela?”

      Rachel shook her head.

      “Lord, girl, you did drop a bomb on the man,” Tanisha said, chuckling briefly. “Does that mean…the two of you haven’t seen each since…how long?”

      “Five years, basically.”

      “Mmm-hmm.” Tanisha pondered this, then looked directly into Rachel’s face. “So, how are you, then? Really?”

      Another long sigh escaped Rachel. “I’ve been better. It wasn’t exactly my best day.”

      “Well then, it’s a good thing I came over and gave you a decent meal. You have to go back in and face this man, right?”

      “¡Dios mio!” Rachel exclaimed, standing abruptly. “What time is it? He’s got a three-o’clock appointment. I’ve got to get back to the hospital! I need to spend some time with Michaela!”

      “It’s two, Rachel, you’ve got plenty of time if you go now.”

      “Are you sure? This—” she motioned toward the kitchen table “—needs cleaning up.”

      “Go, you,” Tanisha said smiling. “I’ve been here more than you lately anyway. Your house knows me. I’ll clean up, lock your door. Take any decent food home with me. You

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