LITMIR.BIZ

      Regan was oblivious to the subtleties of adults. He took every question about Lien at face value and blurted out answers left, right and centre.

      Joe sat quietly cringing. The only thing was, he couldn’t help but smile. He could read his mum and dad like a book and shook his head at a few of their more inquisitive comments, pretending he hadn’t even heard them.

      Eventually, he grabbed Regan and pulled him onto his lap. ‘Say goodnight to Grandma and Papa. It’s time for bed.’

      His mother pulled a face and started to blow kisses. Then, just as they were about to disconnect, his father shot in a quick comment. ‘Love to Lien!’

      Joe was sure the second the connection ended they’d be hugging each other. He spent the next half-hour settling Regan into bed and making up some story about pirates, before making his way back to turn out the lights. ‘Not as good as Lien,’ Regan murmured in a sleepy voice.

      Joe left the room smiling and glanced out of the window. The pale lilac door was taunting him. Begging him to knock on it.

      None of this had been planned. When Lien had appeared at the door it had seemed only natural to call her over to say hello to his parents. He’d half hoped it might give them some reassurance that he and Regan had actually settled in.

      Instead, it had opened a whole new can of worms.

      He felt his phone buzz and pulled it from his pocket. A text from his mother. Three words.

      We love her.

      Nothing else.

      Guilt swamped him. What was he doing? As soon as Lien had sat down she’d fallen into the family conversation with no problems and been an instant hit with his parents.

      He couldn’t pretend that hadn’t pleased him. He’d liked the way they’d exchanged glances of approval and joked and laughed with her.

      But it also—in a completely strange way—didn’t please him.

      Part of him still belonged to Esther. Always had. Always would.

      He’d found love once. He’d been lucky. Some people would never have what he and Esther had.

      How dared he even contemplate looking again?

      His mother had pushed him here to start living again. Not to find a replacement for his wife.

      The thought made his legs crumple and he slid down the wall, his hands going to his hair. For a few seconds he just breathed.

      He was pulling himself one way and another. Guilt hung over him like a heavy cloud.

      He knew why he was here. He knew he’d been living life back in Scotland in a protective bubble. It was time to get out there. That was why he’d accepted the tickets and climbed on that plane.

      But what he hated most of all was that he did feel ready to move on. He was tired. He was tired of being Joe the widower. It had started to feel like a placard above his head.

      But part of him hated the fact he wanted to move forward. He was tired of being alone. He was tired of feeling like there would never by anyone else in his and Regan’s lives. He was tired of being tired. Of course, he had no idea about the kind of person he was interested in. The truth was, the few little moments that Lien had caused sparks in his brain had bothered him.

      It had been so long and he couldn’t quite work out how he felt about everything yet. Of course he’d want someone who recognised that he and Regan were a package deal. He’d want someone who could understand his usual passion for this work. These last few weeks had mirrored how he’d been a few years before. Every day there was something new to learn. Someone new to help. It was what had always driven him, and he knew that, for a while, he’d lost that. But Vietnam was reawakening parts of him that had been sleeping for a while.

      He lifted his head and peeled his damp shirt from his back and sighed. Too much thinking wasn’t good for a man.