LITMIR.BIZ

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you know…?”

      “How else? Meredith, who knows all and tells all.”

      He smiled. “She doesn’t know all, I guess, since Beth and I broke up a couple of weeks ago.”

      So that was why he was leaving. “I’m sorry, Nathan, but you might be able to work this out. Sometimes things seem bad—”

      “Beth’s not the reason I’m leaving.” Except that his very lack of feeling for her had proved he had to get away. “I just need to go,” he said firmly.

      “You’ve got your house up for sale.” Mariah worried her lip.

      “Yeah. I figure I’ll find a place in southern California when I’m out there for the conference.”

      “You’re moving to California without a job? With housing prices the way they are? That’s not very sensible.”

      He shrugged. “I’ll play it by ear.”

      “This doesn’t sound like you. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” She pretended to check his forehead for a fever.

      He braced himself against the sweet brush of her fingers and managed a smile. It was out of character, but if he didn’t break out, do something different, he’d never stop clinging to the impossible.

      “The kind of life you’re thinking about is not as romantic as it sounds. It’s uncertain and kind of scary.” She slid closer to him on the couch. “Believe me. I’m living it.”

      Her lips were so red, so inviting…. After that first kiss eight years ago at the dry creek make-out spot, he’d have done anything for more of that mouth.

      “Definitely not you,” she concluded, shaking her head.

      “That’s the point. I’ve had enough of being me.” He wasn’t about to explain that she was the reason he needed to escape. “And how is it you know what’s me anyway? We haven’t seen each other for eight years, when you ran away from me.” He gulped. He hadn’t meant to go there.

      “I wasn’t running from you. I was running for me,” she said. “Besides, at the time I thought you were doing the same thing, remember?” She smiled wistfully, laughed a little.

      “Of course I wasn’t doing that. I—”

      “I know, Nathan,” she interrupted. “Drunken bachelor party, rocks in the wheel, slow ride with Farmer Jim, everything. It’s fine. We were just lucky my mom made that remark about my Pop Tart in the toaster.”

      “Your what?” What was she talking about?

      “Never mind. I just mean my mom did us a favor by telling me you thought I was pregnant.” She seemed troubled by what she’d said, so she glanced away from him, out the window. “Oh, look, there are some baby quail under that mesquite.” She rushed to the window carrying her wine, clearly wanting to change the subject.

      “They were born in the yard a couple weeks ago,” he said, following her to the window. “You should hear their parents squawk them into line.”

      She was silent for a moment, watching the birds. She spoke, still looking out the window. “You were marrying me under false pretenses, Nathan.”

      He had the insane desire to take her by the shoulders, turn her and tell her the truth. I wanted you no matter what. Pregnant and all. I loved you. I still do.

      As if she’d read his mind, she turned to face him. Maybe she felt the same.

      His heart stopped and he held his breath, waiting for her to say it.

      “We would have made each other miserable,” she said with a short laugh.

      His heart started up its slow, sad rhythm and he released his breath. “Yeah,” he said, swallowing hard. “Miserable.”

      “Thank God we’re past all that.” She lifted her glass to clink against his. “It was for the best.”

      He clinked back and managed a smile, but he couldn’t echo her toast. “So, now I’m taking a page from your book. Hitting the road, being free. You should be happy for me.”

      “Freedom’s not good for some people.”

      “Thanks a lot.”

      “No offense, but how could you give up all this?” She indicated his living room.

      “Would you want to live here?” he asked.

      “Not me!” She stopped. “Sorry, I just mean, this is you.”

      Maybe, but he figured turning his life upside down would keep him too busy to mope about her.

      “It looks like you’re serious about leaving.” Mariah sighed as she headed back to the couch. “So, what should we do about my parents?”

      “They’ll be fine,” he said, but guilt tightened his gut. He did hate hurting Abe and Meredith. They’d been like parents to him—or at least the way he thought parents were supposed to be. His mom had been more like an older sister, way too relaxed about her motherly duties. Abe and Meredith counted on him and now he was letting them down. He wished he could fix that.

      And then, looking into Mariah’s face, the solution came to him. It was a long shot, but it would give him a way to keep Mariah too busy to poke around in his motivation for leaving. “If you’re really worried about them, why don’t you stay?” he said. “You could take over for me.”

      “Are you out of your mind?” Her glass sloshed.

      He caught it before anything spilled. “Not at all. You’ve had business experience. You managed a restaurant and a boutique, didn’t you?” The idea was sounding better and better, except for the horrified look on her face, which made him want to grin. He hadn’t wanted to grin in a long time.

      “I was a waitress and sold jewelry on consignment. Like I said, Mom tends to exaggerate.”

      “You learn a business from the ground up anyway. If you’re smart and motivated, the sky’s the limit.”

      “Tell that to the Caravan Travel Agency. I motivated them right into a three-month slump with a couple of my out-of-the-way trip ideas. Turns out there are reasons some places are out of the way—like ankle-eating fleas and no flush toilets.”

      He shrugged. “I could teach you all you need to know before I leave. You said you’re between jobs. Maybe you need to try stability on for size—changing jobs can be a rut, too.”

      “I could never stay here. My mom’s probably already picking out paint to redo my room and signing me up to sing in the church choir. It would be crazy.”

      “No more crazy than asking me to stay.”

      She gave him a long look. “I suppose so.” She paused. “When do you leave?”

      “In two months, when I go to the conference. How about you? How long will you be in town?” He hope he didn’t sound too interested.

      She didn’t answer immediately, and he could practically see her mental gears whirring through their calculations. “I’ll stay until I figure out what to do about my parents. And you.” She gave him a Cheshire cat grin he’d never seen before. Eight years ago, she’d been too uncertain to act mischievous around him. What the hell was she cooking up? The prospect of finding out made him happier than he’d been in a long, long time.

      “SO HOW WAS NATE?” Nikki asked Mariah the next day when she called home.

      “Great,” she said.

      “Nate the Great. Poetry. How did he look?”

      “Great.”

      “If you don’t give me details right now I’ll go moshing in your Madonna bustier and get it all sweat-stained.”

      “Okay, okay. He looked the same. Better.

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