LITMIR.BIZ

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sister’s shoulders. “Oh, Jill, I came early to tell you...I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to help you today. They want me to fly down to L.A. There’s just no way I can get out of it. I’ll be meeting with the editorial staff from Chicago and...”

      “Today?” Jill couldn’t stop the anguish from bursting out as she realized what this meant.

      Sara looked stricken. “It’s a really bad day, right?”

      “Well, I told you I’ve got a huge stack of orders and...” Jill stopped herself, set her shoulders and got hold of her fears. “No, no.” She shook her head. “No, Sara. It’s much more important for you to go do this, I’m sure.”

      Sara grabbed her hand again. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry, but I really can’t turn them down. They want to see how I handle myself with the visiting members.” She bit her lip and looked as though she was about to cry. A range of conflicting emotions flashed through her wide dark eyes and then she shook her head decisively. “Oh, forget it. I’ll tell them something has come up and I just can’t do it. Don’t worry. They’ll understand. I think.”

      Jill dismissed all that out of hand. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you have to go. This is your career. This is something you’ve worked so hard for.”

      “But I can’t leave you if you really need me.”

      “But I don’t.” Jill dug deep and managed a bright smile. “Not really. Trini will be here soon and we’ll be able to handle it.”

      Sara looked worried. “Are you sure?”

      “Positive.” She smiled again.

      “Because I can stay if you really need me. I can tell them...”

      “No.” She hugged her sister. “You go. You have to go. I will lose all respect for you if you let silly sentiment keep you from achieving your highest goals. Say no more about it. You’re gone. It’s decided.”

      “But...”

      “Come on. Do it for me. Do it for all of us. Make us proud.”

      Her smile was almost painful by now, but doggone it—she wasn’t going to stop. Sara had to go. No two ways about it. And she would just have to cope on her own. Thank God for Trini.

      * * *

      “So she’s really going?” Connor had watched Sara rushing off and then turned to see Jill come down from upstairs with a tense look on her face.

      “Yes. Yes, she is.”

      He noted that her hands were gripped together as though she could hardly stand it. He frowned.

      “Do you think you can do it without her?”

      She took a deep breath. “It won’t be easy. But once Trini gets here, we’ll put our noses to the grindstone and work our little tushes off for the next twelve hours. Then you’ll see.”

      He was bemused by her intensity. “What will I see?”

      She looked up at him wide-eyed. “That this is serious. Not just a hobby job. It’s real.”

      He frowned. He wanted to tell her that he respected her immensely and that he was impressed with what she was attempting to do here, but before he could get a word out, she went on, pacing tensely as she talked.

      “You know, I thought I had everything pretty much under control. My life was running on an even keel. I was beginning to feel as though I might make it after all.” She stopped and looked at him with a sense of foreboding wonder. “And then you hit town. And everything went to hell.”

      She was trying to make it sound like a joke, but there was too much stress in her voice to carry it off. He winced.

      “So you blame me now?”

      “Why not? There’s nobody else within shouting distance. You’re going to have to take the fall.” She tried to smile but her mouth was wobbly.

      He looked at her, saw the anxious look in her eyes and he melted beyond control. “Jill...” He took her hands in his and drew her closer. “Listen, why don’t I stay? I could help you with the boys. I could run errands, answer phones.”

      She was shaking her head but he didn’t wait to hear her thoughts.

      He pulled her hands up against his chest. “I want to help you. Really. I know you’ve had a lot of setbacks lately and I want to help smooth over some rough spots if I can. Come on, Jill. Let me stay.”

      Her lower lip was trembling as she looked into his eyes. He groaned and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against his body. She felt like heaven and he wanted the moment to go on forever, but she didn’t let it happen. She was already pulling out of his embrace, and he could have kicked himself for doing it.

      Too blatant, Connor old chap, he told himself ruefully. You really tipped your hand there, didn’t you?

      “No, Connor,” she said as she pushed him away.

      She looked at him, shaken. She’d wanted to melt into his arms. She still felt the temptation so strongly, she had to steel herself against it. She knew it had to be mostly because she was so afraid, so nervous about her ability to meet her challenges. If she let him hold her, she could pretend to forget all that.

      And then there was the fact that it had been so long since a man—a real man, a man that she liked—had held her. Karl didn’t count. And she hungered for that sort of connection.

      But not with Connor. Not with Brad’s best friend.

      “No. It’s sweet of you to offer, but I really can’t let you stay. We are going to need to focus like laser beams on this task and having you here won’t help.” She smiled at him with affection to take the bite out of her words.

      He stepped farther from her and avoided her eyes. The sting of her rejection was like a knife to his heart. “Okay then. I guess I’d better get going.”

      “Yes. I’m sorry.”

      He started to turn away, then remembered. “Hey, I didn’t fix the door I kicked in last night.”

      She shook her head. “Don’t worry. I’ve already called a handy man I use.”

      “Oh.” He hesitated, but there didn’t seem to be much to say. He was superfluous, obviously. Just in the way. Might as well get the hell out.

      “Okay. It was good to see you again, Jill.”

      She smiled at him. “Yes. Come back soon. But next time, don’t stop off to see Brad first.”

      He nodded. “You’ve got my word on that one,” he said. He shoved his hands down into the back pockets of his jeans and looked at her, hard.

      “What?” she asked, half laughing.

      “I just want to get a good picture of you to hold me over,” he told her. “Until next time.”

      The look in her eyes softened and she stepped forward and kissed his cheek. “Goodbye,” she whispered.

      He wanted to kiss her mouth so badly, he had to clench his teeth together to stop himself from doing it.

      “Goodbye,” he said softly, then he turned and left the house.

      * * *

      Outside, he felt like hell. He’d had hangovers that hadn’t felt this bad. Everything in him wanted to stay and he couldn’t do it. He looked down at the ferry dock. There was a ferry there now, loading up. He’d catch it and then it would be all over. How long before he saw her again? Who knew. He would probably go back to Singapore. At least he knew where he stood there.

      Swearing softly with a string of obscenities that he rarely used, he slid into the driver’s seat and felt for the keys.

      “Goodbye to all that,” he muttered, then turned on the engine.

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