LITMIR.BIZ

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was a trained firefighter. He went head-to-head with death all the time. He could handle being in a room with her. It was just another fire he had to get under control. No big deal.

      Just avoid touching her, brushing up against her, standing within two feet of her and looking at her.

      Yeah, no big deal at all.

      He had upset her when he brought up the dreams. He shouldn’t have said anything. It really wasn’t any of his business.

      A week ago, they hadn’t had any secrets between them. At least none that he knew about. She told him everything. It just further proved his point—that kiss had already done damage to their friendship, and he couldn’t risk any more.

      “Have you given the tattoo any more thought?” he called out as she placed the dirty dishes in the sink.

      “Yes. How serious are you about that, anyway?”

      “I’m always up for some new ink. What about you? Have you changed your mind?”

      “Well, I’ve been thinking about it...”

      “And?”

      “I think I know what I want to get if I decide to do it.”

      Suddenly images of a tattoo on her flawless skin came to mind. Why exactly had he brought up this subject?

      “Oh, okay. So if we do it, what are you going to get done?”

      “Well, when I was going through those letters from Drew the other day I noticed something. He always signed his letter with a heart. Do you remember ever seeing it?”

      “Me? No. He didn’t sign his letters to me with hearts. Or even write me letters. Now that I think about it, I’m kind of upset by that. I feel a little unloved.”

      “Ha. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up a sore subject.” She patted him on the knee. “Anyway...it was a unique heart. He did it in one stroke and looped the bottom where it came to a point.”

      “Okay, so you want to get this heart as a tattoo?”

      “Yes. I want it to be something small that won’t hurt me too much.”

      “Oh, don’t be a baby about it.”

      She swatted at him, the palm of her hand hitting him in the middle of his chest. “I’m not. Plus, I want something that is personal to me and isn’t so obvious to other people, like having his name engraved on my body.”

      Micah didn’t move her hand. He looked down first at her hand, which rested over his racing heart, then up to find her eyes on him. How had he let her get so close?

      Desire swept through his veins, forcing every cell in his body to zone in on the small, delicate hand that held him spellbound. She began to move it. He inhaled sharply and held his breath. Her hand made a torturous and slow glide from his chest and over his abdominal muscles as they contracted underneath her hot touch.

      Slowly, she broke the moment as she pulled her hand back, formed a fist and rested it across her waist. He could hear her inhale as she took a deep breath. “So...when are we going to do this? Obviously, I’m free since I quit my job.”

      “Oh, that’s right. How about later this week?”

      “It’s a date.”

      * * *

      Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

      Micah was so mad at herself. For years she had lived in blissful ignorance. Denial was a wonderful thing. Or it had been.

      Now it was just bothersome and made her angry.

      She had this plan in place, a set of rules to follow to finally put Drew’s memory to rest. He was no longer allowed to dominate her mind. Which was all well and good, but somewhere along the way Drew went out and Josh came in.

      And if she wasn’t thinking about Josh, then she was thinking about Drew.

      It was infuriating.

      And Josh! Seriously?

      They had been friends for twelve years now, and sure, there had always been an underlying attraction, but never something as crippling and all encompassing as it was of late.

      Why did this have to come about now? Years ago would have been different. But now? It was an impossibility now. You couldn’t go from being best friends for over a decade to this. It just didn’t happen.

      And the fact that she was even wasting time thinking about it now angered her the most. She would never, ever be capable of being the kind of woman he was attracted to.

      Frustrating. Simply frustrating. But did that stop her? Nope.

      At night she was tortured by thoughts of Drew, and during the day it was thoughts of Josh that threatened her sanity. She couldn’t take any more.

      For a girl who hadn’t been on a serious date in years, she sure did have a lot of guy problems.

      * * *

      The night air was brisk; the sky was dark and gray. The unmistakable scent of fall surrounded her. Drew pulled her in close to his side as he whispered in her ear and charmed her with his sweet words. She turned to him, lifting her face to meet his lips in a kiss. Suddenly, he was gone and she was back in her room.

      “Micah...”

      She turned at the haunting sound of her mother’s shaky voice. It caused her to sit up with a start in her bed, knowing immediately something was wrong. Her father was there, too, clad in a robe and slippers. They both sat down next to her on the bed, pulling her into their embrace. Her father’s arms held her in a viselike grip, his breaths coming in quick succession. A feeling of trepidation coursed through her. Rapid thoughts of what could have happened raced through her mind.

      “What? What happened? Is it Grandma?” Her mother shook her head, telling her without words that it was not her grandmother. Tears fell from her mother’s face.

      “Grandpa?”

      “No, honey.” Her mother could barely get the words out.

      Her father was holding her so tight she could barely breathe, rocking her back and forth as her mother quietly sobbed next to her. Neither spoke for what seemed like forever. The silence was deafening.

      “Baby, I’m so sorry. Drew...”

      No!

      “...Drew’s gone to be with Jesus.”

      Micah’s world collapsed. Her father held her tight as the gut-wrenching sobs took over. She felt robbed of air, robbed of thought. Robbed. It couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be happening. He was just with her. He had just kissed her good-night a couple hours ago.

      It was all a lie! This was not happening! It couldn’t be true. It was his birthday! People weren’t supposed to die on their birthdays. Eighteen-year-olds weren’t supposed to die, period.

      No. No. No. No. No. This couldn’t be real.

      Micah jolted awake, sweat forming on her brow. She reached for her teddy bear, drawing comfort from it as the tears began to fall. Crying was her only way to release all of the emotions she still felt so vividly. No one would ever understand it. Even she didn’t understand how after years without Drew, the pain could just return with such vengeance.

      Her mother had told her that grief was a unique emotion, that everyone’s experience was different. Some lasted longer than others. It was obvious the plan wasn’t working. Josh had been right. She had no way to control the dreams, and as long as the dreams kept coming the pain would never fully go away.

      “Oh, Drew. Why do you keep doing this to me?”

      She couldn’t handle it anymore. She desperately wanted to move on. It was only bringing up more pain and it hurt too much. She was drowning here, drowning in painful memories.

      

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