LITMIR.BIZ

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bought some coffee since he’d walked out.

      He wrapped his arms around her and Freya let herself be wrapped in them.

      ‘Any bleeding?’ he asked.

      ‘None.’

      ‘How do you feel?’

      ‘Better,’ Freya said.

      She couldn’t give a completely honest answer—that the world felt safer just for the fact that he was next to her now. Freya knew she pushed too hard, pressed for too much, and so she held it back.

      Last night he had taken such precious care of her and she let herself be grateful for that.

      And so, getting into separate cars, they both waved to Red and then headed into work.

      Today would be a day that Freya found out how strong she was. Maybe pregnant, maybe not, and with her love life in shreds because Zack was probably thinking what hell was he going to have to co-parent with after her outburst last night.

      And yet she could put it aside.

      Not too far aside, because her issues came with her, and they were needed today.

      For a long time Freya had doubted if she was the right person for this role, whether she had healed herself enough to offer advice to someone going through what once she had.

      Now, though, she knew it was a lifelong journey and she had learned so much on this path.

      ‘Thank you for seeing me,’ Emily said.

      They sat in her new consulting room and Freya told Emily she was her first client and then she told her a bit about herself. Emily said nothing at first, but when Freya mentioned her food diaries Emily got out her phone and Freya looked through it.

      It was like looking back on her own life.

      The exercise, the obsessions with food, the waiting till someone left the room so you could do a hundred more sit-ups. The agony of a cruel disease. Emily wasn’t dangerously thin but, Freya knew, the real battle was in her mind.

      They went way over time and Emily laughed at the end when Freya said, ‘You’re far more honest than I was.’

      ‘There’s no point lying any more,’ Emily said. ‘I just want to get well.’

      Emily would do well, Freya was sure.

      They made another appointment for Thursday.

      ‘Just to let you know,’ Freya said, ‘that I might be having a small procedure during the week, so if I have to reschedule, that’s why.’

      ‘I’m sorry to have messed up your Sunday.’

      ‘You didn’t,’ Freya answered. ‘It’s good to get things under way.’

      Emily left and Freya knew that she felt better and so too did she. It had been right to come in today and it was time to get something else under way. Freya was ready to know now if she was pregnant or not so she called Hilary.

      ‘Hi, Freya.’

      ‘Sorry to call on a Sunday,’ Freya said.

      ‘I doubt you would without reason,’ Hilary said. ‘What’s happening?’

      ‘I got a positive pregnancy test, I think I’m eight weeks,’ Freya said, ‘but then last night I bled.’

      ‘Are you still bleeding?’

      ‘No.’

      ‘Any pain?’

      ‘No.’

      And Hilary asked some more questions just as calmly as Zack had. ‘Do you want to come in today?’ she offered.

      ‘On a Sunday?’

      ‘Babies keep their own schedules,’ Hilary said. ‘I tend to write off uninterrupted weekends, that’s why my vacations are taken overseas.’

      As Freya walked out she stopped at James’s office. He was a complete workaholic and catching up on some files.

      ‘Hi,’ Freya said.

      ‘Freya.’ He gave her a nod. ‘How was your first client?’

      ‘It went well,’ Freya said. ‘It was helpful to me too. Thank you, James, for all you did for me back then.’

      ‘I’m your brother,’ James said. ‘Freya, are you okay?’

      ‘I am,’ Freya said.

      She was.

      However it all unfolded, Freya knew now she would be okay.

      ‘Are we talking?’ Freya checked.

      ‘Not really,’ James said.

      But he was still her brother.

      He gave her a smile and Freya headed off, alone, to find out about the baby.

      She loved Zack and however he felt about her, or them, she could handle it. That he wanted the baby meant the world. If they got the chance to be, they would be good parents. Possibly unconventional ones, with a father who drifted, but when he was there, Freya knew that he’d be the best dad in the world.

      Freya sat in her car for a moment before going in and when tears came she shed them.

      She just let them happen for the first time as she acknowledged she wanted this baby so much.

      This father.

      This miracle.

      This life and this world.

      And so in she went.

      Hilary didn’t care a jot about Freya’s leaking eyes, she was more than used to them.

      And then, just as Freya thought she had everything a little more under control, the most appalling thing happened, and she found out she really had no control.

      ‘I feel sick,’ Freya admitted, as her green breakfast rose in her stomach, and her eyes scanned the room for an exit, because, in her head, no one could see her do that.

      ‘Are you going to throw up?’ Hilary asked.

      Absolutely she was.

      In front of another person!

      And there was no chance of being tidy and hidden any more.

      ‘Feel better now?’ Hilary asked a few minutes later as she calmly took away the little dish she kept for these moments.

      Freya did.

      She had cried, she had thrown up, she’d had a cuddle from Zack and had seen her first client, and she was being open and honest and vulnerable.

      It was the oddest of days, the scariest of days, but it felt like the nicest too.

      ‘I’m nervous to find out.’

      ‘I know,’ Hilary said. ‘Have you had a lot of vomiting?’

      ‘Loads,’ Freya said. ‘And I got dizzy after my run. Should I have run?’

      ‘Do you run regularly?’

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘Then that’s fine. Just keep hydrated. You know your body.’

      ‘Sex?’ Freya asked.

      ‘Well, that’s how babies get there in the first place!’

      They talked. Hilary knew already about Freya’s past medical history and after answering some of Freya’s questions Hilary had a few of her own.

      ‘I admit that I’m confused. I’m looking at your notes and we were talking sperm and egg donors the last time I saw you.’

      That seemed like such a long time ago.

      ‘Do you know who the father is?’ Hilary asked, and Freya laughed at the directness

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