LITMIR.BIZ

       CHAPTER FOUR

      ‘I SHOULD HAVE paid way more attention in science class,’ Freya said a few hours later as she woke to the thought of his last word and the feel of her loose, relaxed body in his arms as he spooned in behind her.

      ‘Oh, I’ll make you pay attention,’ he said low and deep into her ear. ‘Happy New Year.’

      ‘And you,’ Freya said.

      ‘It already is.’

      Last night he’d barely been able to get the words out to his mother, knowing how pointless they were, but now Zack was happy, indulging in one of his passions.

      The other was work and that was so intense that he lived for escapes like this.

      ‘Were you going to come to my room?’ he asked. ‘Honest answer.’

      ‘I was thinking about it,’ Freya said. ‘I wasn’t having the best night.’

      ‘What did you say to that guy?’

      Freya frowned.

      ‘The one who walked off just before you saw me...’

      ‘Oh, that was Edward—’

      ‘No names,’ he interrupted, and Freya lay there, feeling his fingers gently kneading her stomach.

      Freya wanted to know his name, she wanted to know more about him, and yet he’d reminded her that there would be no exchange of names. But as she lay there, enjoying the gentle massage of his fingers, and thought about it, she realised that it was actually quite freeing. There would be no I’m Freya Rothsberg. Yes, Aubrey St Claire and Michael Rothsberg are indeed my parents. And if he recognised the name, then he’d know about their messy divorce. And there would be no I’m thirty-one, single, perfectionist, infertile but trying not to be, recovered anorexic. She didn’t have to say she was a big shot in PR. Or that she was stressing about taking on the charity side of her brother’s medical centre. Or that, though she’d pushed James to let her, really she wanted to use her psychology degree.

      No names didn’t mean no past but it meant she didn’t have to reveal anything that she didn’t want to.

      Who was she without all of that? Freya lay there and pondered.

      She.

      The woman in his arms, and that was enough for him.

      He.

      Freya understood now the bliss of no names.

      ‘He’s an ex.’ Freya answered the question after a very long pause. ‘And he tried it on last night. Several times.’

      ‘I’d try it on again with you...’

      ‘He’s married.’

      ‘Bastard,’ Zack said. ‘Did you know that he was when you were together?’

      ‘He wasn’t married then,’ Freya said. ‘From the way we broke up it would seem he wanted a wife and children. He’s got what he wanted but his wife wasn’t there last night. He said he wanted to bring in the New Year with me up in his room.’

      ‘What did you say to him?’

      ‘I told him I hadn’t enjoyed sex with him the first time around and that I felt sorry for his short-suffering wife.’

      He laughed.

      ‘You’re not married, are you?’ Freya checked.

      He could lie, she guessed, but she felt he wouldn’t.

      There was no point in lying.

      ‘Oh, no,’ Zack said. ‘And I have no intention to ever be. This is absolutely guilt-free sex, baby...’

      Freya doubted this encounter would be entirely guilt free, no doubt she’d be crawling with shame a few hours from now, but that was her.

      ‘Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?’ he asked.

      ‘Many,’ Freya said. She had pored over them for hours and had them all written out.

      ‘Such as?’

      They were mostly the same as every other year—unlike other people, who seemed to swear to go on a diet or exercise, Freya’s resolution was to not embark on a sudden diet or obsess over exercise. Not that she told him that.

      Neither did she tell him about the baby she wanted and her dream of having her own little family.

      Nor did she tell him that she was over men. Though perhaps not completely over them, given where she was.

      So she just lay there, overthinking but oddly lulled by the soothing stroke of his hands and the nudge of his erection behind her. No, there was no need to tell him about the career she wanted to tackle but had been avoiding doing so.

      ‘I made my list of resolutions yesterday after my run,’ Freya said.

      ‘Do you run a lot?’ he asked, his fingers examining her slim, toned body.

      ‘On alternate days,’ Freya said.

      ‘And what do you do on the other one?’

      ‘I go for a walk,’ Freya said, and the threat of tears was back but she held them in, although she did admit a truth she would never dare to another. ‘And I try not to run.’ She was more honest with a stranger than the people closest to her and his response was kind.

      He gave a light kiss to her shoulder.

      ‘It’s okay.’

      He could feel her near to tears and he got that.

      Anonymity at times came with deep trust, for you were at your most bare.

      ‘I ran,’ Zack said. ‘Well, I’m not a runner but I ran from all that was expected of me and I’m still running.’

      She couldn’t imagine him running from anything.

      He was so confrontational to all of her senses she could not imagine there were things he might not be able to face.

      ‘So what list of resolutions did you make?’ he asked.

      She smiled as he ran a lazy hand down her body and pulled her into him.

      ‘Making more time for the things I like.’

      ‘And me,’ Zack said, and he started to kiss her neck.

      ‘Try new things...’ Freya said, and the arm under her moved and fingers came to her small breast and stroked it.

      ‘I like that one too.’

      He pinched her nipple and she properly understood what he’d meant about him picturing her undoing his button flies because in her mind’s eye she could see those brown fingers squeezing her hard. Instead of slapping him away, she took a shaky breath as he squeezed it tight again and she felt like a bud bursting.

      He took her hand and put it between her legs and then, still tweaking her breasts, his other hand met hers between her legs and they explored her.

      ‘Not that one,’ Freya said, and he laughed into her shoulder.

      ‘I’m just feeling you all over,’ Zack said. Working out boundaries had never been more fun. ‘I want to taste you all over.’

      ‘I don’t like oral,’ Freya said.

      God, this was freeing, just to say it outright! To declare her needs and to state what she didn’t want.

      ‘You

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