LITMIR.BIZ

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can’t live in a city.’

      ‘And I refuse to commute to Yorkshire. It’s impractical.’ If she wanted to play hardball, Luiz thought, then he would play hardball, too.

      ‘Why do you have to be unreasonable?’ But was he? How many men would have risen to the occasion with equal unstinting generosity? He hadn’t asked for his life to be derailed by circumstances beyond his control and yet he was willing to assume his responsibilities whatever the cost to the future he had had neatly laid out in front of him. In return, all she could think about was her own past hurt and emotional wounds that were still raw and bleeding. She sighed and slumped. ‘I can’t move to a city—what about my animals?’ she asked in a small voice.

      ‘This can all be worked out.’ He refused to yield to her drooping, forlorn body language. ‘I’ll be out of the country for the next week. You can use the time to think about it. You seem to think that nothing will change—everything will.’

CHAPTER SIX

      AFTER THE DRAMA of London, returning to the tranquillity of the countryside failed to deliver the peace Holly had banked on. She had too much on her mind. Her thoughts were all over the place. She wanted to be honest with herself, yet found it impossible to leave her bitter grievances behind. She told herself that she hated Luiz and yet she knew that she was still as fiercely attracted to him as she had been in the thick of their relationship. There was no way that she could ever turn the clock back and love him… Yet a demanding voice inside her insisted that, if she didn’t still have feelings for him, then why was it that she couldn’t accept his marriage proposal which was fair and made sense? Surely if she wasn’t emotionally invested then, like him, she would be able to deal with the situation in a detached, pragmatic and sensible manner?

      She could reluctantly see that her location would not be convenient for him. She didn’t want to leave her friends and her sanctuary behind, yet the need for compromise weighed heavily on her shoulders.

      ‘You should just marry him,’ Andy told her bluntly when she offloaded all her thoughts on him the evening after she had returned to her cottage. They were at her kitchen table and outside the greyest of days had slipped into starry night. Through the kitchen window, with the curtains open, a full moon illuminated the fields and open countryside. In the depths of winter, these same fields could be snow-covered for days on end… How on earth would Luiz be able to get up to see his child? For an hour or two? Sometimes, the sanctuary could be cut off for a week… longer… then what? Would she find herself in the constant line of fire for failing to compromise?

      ‘Let’s think pros and cons. He’s dishy, he’s the catch of the century… Frankly, my dear, if you won’t have him, then I will.’ Andy sniggered at his own joke. ‘But, seriously, having a kid… it’s not ideal in a place as remote as this, sweetie. Think illness and having to get hold of a doctor. Think having friends over after playschool; what do you do with them when it’s time for them to go and it’s started snowing—stash them in with Buster the donkey?’

      ‘You’re supposed to be on my side,’ Holly grumbled.

      ‘I don’t think anyone wins medals for being stubborn.’

      ‘I’m not being stubborn.’ For ‘stubborn’ Holly read ‘selfish’. ‘I have a right to a life here, where I know everyone. I have my livelihood here. What would happen to this animal sanctuary if I left?’

      ‘I don’t think the animals would all pack their bags and leave home,’ Andy told her with brutal honesty. ‘It’s a very viable proposition. You would be able to sell it, along with the cottage and the land, and you’d get a good price for it. And there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…’

      Holly looked at him warily. He had changed out of his grubby work clothes into a clingy checked top and black jeans. She didn’t like the way he was scrupulously inspecting the tips of his cowboy boots, avoiding her eyes.

      ‘Remember Marcus?’

      ‘How could I forget your broken heart?’ Holly asked wryly.

      ‘He’s back from Toronto,’ Andy said sheepishly. ‘We’ve been emailing. I didn’t want to make anything of it in case it didn’t work out but he’s packed in the job over there and has taken up a residency at Guy’s Hospital in London.’

      ‘And…?’ But Holly already knew what he was going to say. Andy and Marcus had been an item before Marcus had relocated to Toronto, on his own, because Andy had refused to go with him. Now he was being given a second shot at the relationship and he was going to move to London.

      She would be on her own. She listened, smiling and nodding encouragingly as Andy told her all about his plans. They had seen a house. It would be perfect and he was thinking of teaching as a career. Her mind was suddenly in a daze. Without Andy, the sanctuary just wouldn’t be quite the same, yet she refused to see capitulation to Luiz as the only option.

      If she removed that awful, swoony feeling she got whenever she was in his presence, then what was she left with? A man who was prepared to ‘do the right thing’. She couldn’t help but wonder, if she married him, how long he would carry on being prepared to do the right thing. He didn’t love her, so how on earth could he ever hope to remain faithful to her? Would part of any union between them be the tacit understanding that he could continue seeing other women, women like Cecelia, just as long as he didn’t flaunt his infidelities? Did he imagine that a sham marriage was better than no marriage at all?

      Andy’s imminent departure seemed to raise more questions about her own situation than she felt she could reasonably deal with and she spent a restless night, only managing to fall properly asleep in the early hours of the morning and awakening, muddle-headed, to the sound of the dogs going wild in their compound.

      In fact, hurriedly getting dressed and heading down the stairs, it dawned on her that the commotion went beyond the barking of dogs. Flinging open the front door, she was confused to see three cars parked at haphazard angles in front of the enclosures. Andy was not yet on the scene, but Claire and Sarah, two of the girls who helped out, were and they seemed to be in awkward conversation with a handful of men. Altogether, it was a bewildering scene, and as Holly remained in the doorway, trying to assimilate what was going on, she was spotted.

      Like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a speeding car, she froze to the spot. Her sluggish brain computed that two more cars were speeding up the winding drive, doors opening even before the cars had pulled to a stop. She had no idea what was going on. Claire and Sarah were running full tilt towards her.

      ‘You dark horse!’ Claire was laughing. ‘You never told us that you were getting married to a billionaire!’

      It dawned on Holly what was going on pretty much when the questions started being shouted at her, intrusive questions bombarding her like bullets fired from a gun. She yanked Claire and Sarah into the house, slammed the front door and got on the phone to Andy. She told him he wasn’t to come in; there were reporters everywhere.

      He was thrilled, Holly a lot less so. Even Claire and Sarah, once she had briefed them on the situation, fell into a subdued silence. The cottage felt as though it was under siege. Holly drew the curtains in the sitting room so that the three of them were huddled like fugitives in the semi-darkness. Had they got the message and left? Or were they lurking outside like Rottweilers, ready to pounce? She didn’t know.

      She had never experienced anything like this in her life before. Doing a full day’s work was out of the question. Never before had she questioned the origins of all those intrusive pictures she had seen in tacky magazines, where celebrities were caught in their least favourable moments. Now, experiencing the horror of the paparazzi in full pursuit, she felt a grudging sympathy for them.

      Frustrated and angry, she left Claire and Sarah gossiping in the sitting room and headed for the kitchen, where once again she had to drop the roller blind before she could be guaranteed privacy for the phone call she had to make.

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