LITMIR.BIZ

      Nathan sent Anna upstairs to get changed into some clean clothes that didn’t smell of donkey and farm. Then he headed into the kitchen, switching on the kettle and sinking into a chair as he waited for it to boil.

      What the hell had he done?

      Something crazy—something not him—had somehow slipped through his defences and he’d found himself taking hold of Sydney’s hand, staring into her sad grey eyes. And he had been about to kiss her!

      Okay, so he’d been fighting that urge for a while, and it was hardly a strange impulse, but he had thought that he’d got those impulses under control.

      Standing there, looking down into her face, at her smooth skin, her slightly rosy cheeks, those soft, inviting lips, he’d wanted to so badly! And she’d wanted him to do it. He’d wanted to, but…

      But Anna hadn’t been far away, and he’d suddenly heard that horrid voice in his head that still sounded remarkably like Gwyneth, telling him that no one, and especially not Sydney, would want him. Not with his faulty, failing body. Not with his bad genes. Not with a child who wasn’t hers…

      How could he ask her to take on that burden—especially with the threat of his MS always present? He knew the chances of the MS killing him were practically zero. Okay, there would be difficulties, and there would be complications—there might even be comorbidities such as thyroid disease, autoimmune conditions or a meningioma. But the MS on its own…? It was unlikely.

      But it had been enough to make him hesitate. To think twice. And once he’d paused too long he’d known it was too late to kiss her so he’d stepped away. Had called out to Anna…said they needed to go.

      Sydney deserved a strong man. A man who would look out for her and care for her and protect her. What if he couldn’t do that?

      Fear. That was what it had been. Fear of putting himself out there. Of getting involved. Of exposing himself to the hurt and pain that Gwyneth had caused once. How could he go through again? How could he expose Anna to that now that she was older? She would be aware now if she grew to love someone and then that someone decided it was all too much and wanted out.

      Anna being a baby had protected her from the pain of losing her mother. And today he had saved himself from finding out if he could be enough for someone like Sydney. Gwyneth had made him doubt what he had to offer. She had probably been right in what she’d said. He didn’t know what his future would be like. He couldn’t be certain, despite trying his best to remain positive. But it was hard sometimes. Dealing with a chronic illness…sometimes it could get to you.

      The kettle boiled and he slowly made himself a cup of tea. He heard Anna come trotting back down the stairs and she came into the kitchen.

      ‘Can I have a biscuit, Daddy?’

      ‘Just one.’

      She reached into the biscuit barrel and took out a plain biscuit. ‘I loved riding Bert. He was so cute! I love donkeys. Do you love donkeys, Daddy?’

      He thought for a moment. ‘I do. Especially Bert.’

      She smiled at him, crumbs dropping onto the floor. ‘And do you love Sydney?’

      His gaze swung straight round to his daughter’s face. ‘What?’

      ‘I think you like her.’

      ‘What makes you say that?’ he asked in a strangled voice.

      ‘Your eyes go all funny.’ She giggled. ‘Joshua in my class—he looks at Gemma like that and he loves her. They’re boyfriend and girlfriend.’

      Nathan cleared his throat. ‘Aren’t they a little young to be boyfriend and girlfriend?’

      Anna shrugged, and then skipped off into the other room. He heard the television go on.

      She noticed quite a lot, did Anna.

      Curious, he followed her through to the lounge and stood and watched her for a moment as she chose a channel to watch.

      ‘Anna?’

      ‘Yes?’

      ‘If I did like Sydney…how would you feel about that?’

      Anna tilted her head to one side and smiled, before turning back to the television. ‘Fine. Then you wouldn’t be all alone.’

      Nathan stared at his daughter. And smiled.