LITMIR.BIZ

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many of them involved coaxing his wife out of the shell she had built around herself.

      His own problems would be dealt with as they arose. He meant to conquer the first one today. He walked out from the house, choosing a stouter walking stick than usual, in case he became unsteady. Though he tired easily, and had to rest once on his way, there were no instances of imbalance. While he did not feel as strong as a bull, he could almost forget that he had recently been an invalid.

      His nose pricked at the scent of hay and horse, growing stronger with each step. Justine would laugh at him, should he tell her that the smell of manure was its own sort of cure. But it reminded him of how he felt in the saddle, riding a beast that was the epitome of strength and freedom. He paused at the doorway, offering a brief prayer, should anything remain of the spirit of his faithful Jupiter. If there was a heaven, Will’s place there must have a stall for Jupe.

      He paused again, staring into the barn and allowing his eyes to adjust to the dim light within. Then he ignored the sadness and carefully searched his heart for any signs of fear. He had been telling himself it was his own foolhardiness that had nearly killed him. A weaker man might have blamed the horse that failed him. Of course, a stronger man would have had the sense not to take a jump. Could he really trust his own mind at all?

      ‘Hello, my lord,’ the stable master said.

      ‘Hello, Jenks.’ Jenks was technically a servant of the duke’s, but he had been with the family since Will and Adam were boys. The man had taught him to ride. Who better to understand the problems that might occur today? ‘I suppose you heard of my accident?’

      ‘Yes, my lord. We were all most concerned for you.’

      ‘I cannot remember much of what happened.’ It was a lie. But it was too painful to own the total blank of the incident. ‘It seems I lost my mount as well.’

      ‘A shame, my lord.’ There was no censure in the voice, even though he deserved it. ‘Are you planning a trip to Tattersall’s?’

      Will sighed. ‘I do not know if I am ready to purchase another. But I must get a horse under me, sooner rather than later. If there is a problem with my judgement...’ For instance, if he collapsed in terror before taking the saddle. He had known of a man so shaken after a little tumble that he had sold his hunter and now travelled in nothing more exciting than a barouche with full livery.

      Jenks nodded again. ‘It is widely said, sir, that when one falls, one must get right back on.’

      ‘It is almost a cliché,’ Will agreed, ‘but very true. What do you have ready in the stalls for me? I fancy a gentle ride about the property.’ He had emphasised the word gentle, but just the sound of it depressed him.

      ‘If you wish a gentle ride, I have a mare right here, ready to saddle.’ Jenks patted the neck of a nearby grey and her head swung round slowly to look at them.

      Will had expected fixed feelings, when the moment came to ride again. Perhaps he would not experience outright terror. At least there would be some trepidation at mounting. However, at the sight of the horse Jenks suggested, he felt nothing but scorn. ‘You might as well put a saddle on Penny’s pet terrier. It would have more spirit than this beast.’

      There was a sparkle in Jenks’s eye, as though he had meant the first choice as nothing more than a joke. He walked down the row of stalls, and stopped before a chestnut gelding. ‘Perhaps Aries will suit you better. Sound legs. A good chest. Not prone to starts or skittishness. He is a fine horse, my lord.’

      ‘True.’ He could handle the beast easily. But somehow, the thought of riding did not excite him as it once did. He glanced down the row at the largest stall, a place of honour in the centre of the stable. ‘Do you think my brother would mind if I borrowed Zeus?’

      Jenks started in surprise. ‘He would not mind, for the beast needs exercise. But do you think it wise?’ Zeus was black as Satan and notoriously bad tempered. But he shared a sire with Jupiter and was as close as Will was likely to get to his old friend.

      ‘It is probably not the best decision,’ Will admitted. ‘But I would like to try. Keeping control of him will teach me to be alert, when in the saddle.’

      ‘Of course, my lord.’ Jenks gave him a doubtful look, but set about saddling the horse. And, as Zeus was wont to do, he spat out the bit, blew out his stomach to fight the saddling and danced in the stall, making it as hard as possible to accomplish the task.

      The sight should have worried him. If he had nearly split his head after a ride, shouldn’t such a spirited animal worry him? Instead, when he looked at Zeus, he felt excited and eager to ride. It had been too long since he had felt a horse under him. When Jenks finally got control of the stallion and led him out of the stable, Will practically itched with the desire to mount.

      It was not as easy as he’d hoped. His legs were still weak and he had to resort to a mounting block to get a foot into the stirrup. But once he was astride, the problems were minimal and he set out from the stable at a walk.

      It was good to feel the wind in his face again and good to see the family lands from the accustomed combined height of man and animal. He glanced back at his house, hoping that Justine was not too near any of the windows, as he did not want to frighten her, then nudged the horse to a trot. There was still no sign of the fear he had expected to find in himself. Other than the strangeness of a new mount, there was nothing exceptionable about the ride.

      He experimented with cantering, and even galloped for a short stretch with similar results. Zeus seemed more bothered by the outing than he, he recognised that the commands he was given were not from his true master and was still trying to decide whether he needed to obey them. But Will kept a firm hand on the reigns and tightened the grip of his thighs which, if truth be told, were still not strong enough to take too much more of this.

      One last test and he would go back to the stables. He turned the horse towards a low fence at the bottom of the pasture. There was no risk in it. He had been jumping that particular obstacle since he was a boy and the horse was familiar with it as well. As they approached, he felt nothing but pleasant anticipation of both man and beast, for the moment of weightless flight as they passed over it. And they did, with ease.

      It was then that Zeus chose his moment for rebellion, landing hard, dipping his head and digging in his feet to send Will over his neck and to the ground with a thump. His moment of triumph was immediately followed by the air being jarred out of his lungs and the warning snap of large sharp teeth beside his ear.

      ‘You dirty bastard,’ he wheezed, rolling out of the way.

      ‘My lord!’ Jenks was rushing to his side to take the reins and help him to his feet.

      Will held up a hand to signify that all was well and managed a weak laugh. ‘Nothing to worry about, Jenks. I have not cracked my pate, or damaged anything but my dignity.’ Hardly even that. The fall had been tonic, just as the ride had been. He had not feared the jump or the fall. His riding clothes were stained with mud and he smelled of grass and dried leaves. But he had not shattered as he’d feared he might. His mistake had been in taking his brother’s miserable horse out in the first place. But there was nothing particularly fragile about him that might prevent such rides in the future.

      He thanked Jenks for his help and promised to visit again soon and choose a more manageable horse. Other than that, the day had been a success. Yet it did not fully content him. Would he never regain anything from the time before the accident?

      It was sad that he could not remember his wife. But how near to death did one need to go to erase even the fear of falling from one’s mind? He had been half-expecting that an innocent tumble would knock the memory back into him. He would see a flash of that time, on a different horse. Perhaps Jupe had startled at the sight of a rabbit, or stumbled on a hole. He had sent Will sailing through the air with the knowledge that the landing was likely to be a bad one, ending in pain and darkness.

      Still, there was nothing. His mind was as smooth and as blank as a block of ice, with the things he wanted frozen for ever inside. He would find Justine and beg

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