LITMIR.BIZ

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      He wanted her in ways that didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Which had to be why he was awake at some ungodly hour of the morning, trying to make sense of it all.

      Thankfully, Kate was still asleep. She lay curled against his side, her burgeoning belly nestled on his hip, her leg thrown over his. Her breathing was deep and regular, and every so often, she’d twitch a little in her dreams. He hoped they were good dreams.

      He gently stroked her hair and tried to think. In the midst of everything that had happened yesterday, Seth had almost overlooked one of the things his dad had said when he’d been telling Seth to man up.

      They were sending him to Shanghai in a matter of months, then maybe to India. Which was great. Seth loved to travel. He liked to see the sights and try new foods and...

      It wasn’t like he had misled Kate. Part of their conversation about him buying a home had revolved around the fact that he was not going to live in it year-round. But he hadn’t told her exactly what that entailed.

      It was one thing to live in LA for a year. Sure, it took a little while to get from LA to Rapid City and back, but it was doable. Seth had made it home for birthdays and anniversaries and holidays with a few more frequent flyer miles under his belt and a growing distaste for airport coffee.

      But Shanghai? Mumbai? Bangkok, maybe? Those weren’t quick trips home.

      It would be best for everyone, he reasoned, if the break was clean. He did not want to string Kate along. There was probably a great man out there who would appreciate everything she had to offer. Seth wouldn’t stand in the way of that by giving her false hope that whenever he made it home, they could pick up where they left off.

      Yes, a clean break was best. It just made sense.

      Kate stirred against him. “Seth?” Her voice was heavy with sleep. “What’s wrong?”

      “Nothing,” he told her, tightening his grip around her shoulders. “I’m just not used to the air mattress. Go back to sleep.”

      For a moment, he thought she was going to do just that. After all, he had run her all over God’s green earth yesterday—industrial sites, soccer fields, soul-sucking house closings—not to mention several rounds of explosive sex. Plus, she was pregnant and he hadn’t missed the yawns she’d hid behind her hands during the signings.

      But then she put her palm on his chest and leaned up on her elbow. The room was too dark to see her face, but he knew she was staring down at him. “What aren’t you telling me?”

      I love you.

      The words almost tumbled right off his tongue without his permission. He just managed to get his mouth closed around them before they complicated everything. Because if there was one way to make sure the break wasn’t clean, it was those three little words.

      “Seth?”

      “I’m going to Shanghai,” he told her, suddenly glad that they were having this conversation in the dark. He didn’t want to see the hurt in her eyes. “My dad confirmed it yesterday at the soccer game.”

      The silence was heavy. “When?”

      “After the holidays.” He ran his hand up and down her back, willing her to lie back down. He didn’t want to have this conversation about him leaving now. He didn’t want to have it ever.

      The realization was stunning. He loved her. When the hell had that happened?

      “How long will you be gone?” Just because he couldn’t see her face didn’t mean he couldn’t hear the sorrow in her voice. And that cut him deep.

      “I’m not sure. At least six months. Probably a year.”

      “Oh.”

      Suddenly, he was talking. He couldn’t let that one single syllable be the end of this. He couldn’t let this be the end.

      “I knew this was a possibility, I just thought we might have a few more months. The Boltons are all family men,” he explained. “Dad won’t leave the shop, anyway. Bobby would go, but he doesn’t like to be away from his wife and daughter very long and Stella doesn’t like to take Clara out of school. Ben’s a homebody and Josey wouldn’t leave her school for that long,” he explained, desperately trying to make her understand.

      “So it has to be you?”

      “It’s a family business. They made me part of their family.” When she didn’t reply right away, he added, “I owe them, Kate. You don’t know what it was like before they came into my life. Mom and I—we got by okay, but sometimes we were on welfare and in the winter, it got cold. She went to bed hungry so I’d have enough to eat, you know? She tried to hide it from me, always saying she’d eat after I went to bed, but I knew the truth. And I hated that she had to. I hated it.”

      His voice caught in his throat and it took a few moments before he could speak again. Kate didn’t rush into the silence, though. She waited.

      “I never wanted to see my mom suffer like that. And then, when Billy and Mom got together, that all went away like magic. Suddenly, we had plenty of food and I had my own room and clothes that fit—and I had a dad. I’d never had a dad before.” He could still feel the sense of awe he’d felt in court, when the adoption had been finalized. The entire Bolton clan and almost half the reservation had shown up. “I had a family.”

      She sat up, although she didn’t take her hand away from his chest. He clutched it, holding her palm over his heart. “I would never ask you to give up your family,” she said solemnly. “Not for me.”

      He rested his hand on her stomach. She had hardly started to show, although now that he had been sleeping with her for a month, he could see the small changes in her body. He was going to give that up, too. He was going to leave before she got to the end of her pregnancy. He wasn’t going to be there to see the baby born. He wouldn’t see how her body changed with motherhood.

      No, he knew that she would never ask. Because that wasn’t who she was and that wasn’t their deal.

      “Kate,” he said hoarsely, and then stopped because he couldn’t be sure what he was going to say next.

      She moved then, straddling him. The faintest glimmer of starlight came in through the bare windows—just enough that he could make out the generous swells of her breasts. His body responded immediately because he couldn’t get enough of her.

      He might never get enough of her.

      She took him into her body and set a slow, steady pace that heated his blood all the same. Nothing stood between them now. “I will miss you,” she whispered as he cupped her breasts and teased her nipples. She sank her hands into his hair and pulled him up. “God, how I will miss you.”

      She shuddered down on him, and he quit trying to fight it. He was lost to her.

      What could he offer her? A nice house? Financial stability? Great sex, definitely.

      But he couldn’t offer her himself. He couldn’t be there when she needed him. So instead of telling her that he loved her, that she was everything, he forced himself to say, “I will, too, babe,” because it was the truth—just not the one he wanted it to be.

      * * *

      “So this is it, then?” Seth asked as he looked over Bobby Bolton’s expansion plans for Shanghai.

      “This is it,” Bobby said, lounging in the chair in front of Seth’s desk. “Setting up the showroom in Shanghai, training the staff, making sure everything goes smoothly for the Asia launch. In a perfect world, it’ll take you six months.”

      “The world ain’t perfect,” Seth said, the sour feeling settling in his stomach. He didn’t speak Chinese. He wasn’t fluent in the local power structures. He needed to figure out his target market and the best way to reach them.

      Even assuming he found the right bilingual staff who understood motorcycles, Seth

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