LITMIR.BIZ

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the crime the shooter isn’t going to get away with a couple of years. Even if this is his first offence he’s still looking at ten years minimum.”

      “Ten years?” I whispered. And then, as if propelled by an outside force I shot out of my seat, my feet pounding into the thin gray carpet. “You think ten years are going to make up for this? Ten years can go by like that!” I snapped my fingers in his face. “Hell, I was graduating high school ten years ago and it feels like yesterday!”

      “Sophie, you graduated high school over ten years—”

      “Shut up! My alternative-reality high school will always be ten years ago. Don’t think you’re going to trick me into acknowledging my age just because I’m flipped out over what happened to my friend!”

      “I see,” Anatoly said slowly. “Then, by your reasoning, ten years is an eternity.”

      I hesitated and felt my lips coming close to what could have been considered a smile. “She’s my best friend, Anatoly,” I said, a slight quiver returning to my voice.

      “I know.” He stood up and took my face in his hands. Anatoly had wonderful hands, big, strong, and a little rough. I wanted those hands to hold me. I wanted them to rub up and down my back over and over again until my shivers finally went away.

      And then I wanted those hands to crush the shooter’s skull.

      “You want me to help you find this guy, am I right?”

      I nodded.

      “Fine. We’ll find him together. And when we do I will investigate every moment of his life. I’ll make sure the police not only have evidence enough to convict him of this crime but any other crime he’s even thought of doing since he reached adulthood. I’ll give the D.A. what they need to put this guy away for as long as possible, but that’s it, Sophie. There isn’t going to be any vigilante justice.”

      “But you will help me find out who did this and catch him, right?” I pressed. “We’re not just going to leave this up to the police?”

      “Yes, but I want to hear you say it, Sophie.”

      “Say what?”

      “You know what.”

      “Nope,” I said, casually looking down at my gladiator sandals. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

      “No vigilante justice, Sophie.”

      “You know, Robin Hood was a vigilante and everybody loves him.”

      “Robin Hood was a communist.”

      “Not in the Disney version of the story. Ask Monty, he’ll tell you.”

      Anatoly tightened his grip on my hands. “Sophie. Will you just promise not to kill anyone?”

      “I promise not to kill anyone…unless they try to kill me first.”

      “Everybody tries to kill you.”

      “Well, that’s not my fault, is it?”

      Anatoly groaned and turned away from me.

      I hesitated a moment and then sighed and rested my head against the back of his neck. “I’m not going to do anything illegal…at least not anything that’s likely to get me thrown in jail for more than a couple weeks.”

      Anatoly groaned again but I remained undeterred. “I know my being put away won’t do anyone any good, least of all Dena. If you promise to help me find out who did this then I promise to…well, to behave as well as I normally do.”

      Anatoly turned back to me. “That’s not saying a lot.”

      “It’s the best I can do.”

      “Sophie,” he said sharply. “You have to control your anger.”

      I opened my mouth to respond but as I did a middle-aged couple came into the room. They glanced in our direction and then found a place for themselves in the far corner of the room. We weren’t alone anymore.

      Anatoly and I sat down again. I squeezed my eyes closed and wrapped my arms around my chest. He was right of course. I did need to control my anger. But not get rid of it. I needed a controlled rage to get me through to the next day. And I needed it to drown out the screaming memory of Dena’s silence.

      CHAPTER 3

      Men are like rose stems in that rose stems of considerable length are nice but, ultimately, their size is not their most important attribute. What’s important is that the stem stays stiff long enough for your flower to hit full bloom.

      –Fatally Yours

      That night I dreamed of monsters. Before we had left the hospital the doctor had come out and told us that it appeared Dena’s surgery had been successful. That she should be able to walk again and that perhaps she eventually wouldn’t need a walker or braces in order to do it. He gave us a lot more details, but I didn’t hear them. All I heard were the lack of assurances. Their absence became a tangible thing that twisted itself into a multitude of awful images. Those images curled up in my mind only to uncoil in my sleep and attack my dreams. I hadn’t been able to see Dena either. Only blood relatives had been allowed admittance into her room. The rest of us had to wait for daylight hours.

      Anatoly had held me all night but for once his embrace didn’t lead to sex. Having sex while Dena was unable to felt wrong. Like starting a rock band on the eve of Elvis’s death.

      And now morning was here. My kitty, Mr. Katz, was rolled up in a ball by my feet and Anatoly still slept, understandable since it was only a little after 8:00 a.m. Last night we hadn’t even gotten home until almost 3:00 a.m. It was too early to go to the hospital; I certainly didn’t want to risk waking Dena. So where should I go? I couldn’t go back to sleep. There would be more monsters there.

      As if he sensed the question, Anatoly’s eyes flickered open and glided over to me. “What time is it?” he muttered.

      “Too early,” I answered.

      Anatoly turned to check the clock and then paused as he tried to figure out the significance of my being conscious at such an obscene hour.

      “I’m getting up,” I said.

      “I’ll cook you breakfast,” Anatoly offered. He pushed the covers off himself, revealing his state of undress. Nothing but his fitted Calvin Klein boxers. Normally that would be enough to get my endorphins moving, but not this morning.

      “I’m not hungry.”

      “You’re always hungry, particularly if I’m cooking.”

      “Today’s different.”

      We lay there in silence for a few moments as Mr. Katz stretched his legs and abandoned us in search of a more peaceful resting spot, neither of us wanting to be the first to name the tragedy that had taken away my appetite for sex and food.

      He sighed and pulled me into the crook of his arm. “Let’s stay here. We didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

      I smiled and kissed his chin. “Sleep then,” I whispered before freeing myself and getting to my feet.

      “Sophie—”

      “No, I mean it. Stay here. I need to…think. To drive and think.”

      “You’re sure you can’t think here in bed?” The red veins of exhaustion drew ragged lines across his eyes, making him look stoned and uncharacteristically vulnerable.

      I leaned down and gave him another kiss, this time on the mouth. I let my tongue dance across his lower lip as I savored the taste of him. “Sleep,” I said when I finally pulled away. “We’ll talk later.”

      Anatoly didn’t say anything as I pulled on my jeans and a T-shirt and brushed a thin golden layer of Bare Escentuals mineral powder across my face. I could feel him watching me

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