LITMIR.BIZ

       Chapter Four

      Tessa closed the book, finishing what must have been the dozenth one she’d read. In an instant another landed in her lap as a young boy handed her a Berenstain Bears book.

      “Another?” she questioned, having already read two tales of the bears’ exploits.

      “Uh-huh.” He nodded his head earnestly.

      “Time to get to sleep,” Cindy said over her shoulder. “Miss Tessa is spoiling you to pieces.” There was fondness in her voice.

      “I think word got out that I read more than one book each,” Tessa admitted.

      “I think you’re right.” Cindy laughed, not sounding a bit tired despite the hours she’d spent organizing, cooking, playing, reading, supervising and getting children ready for bed.

      Pitching in, Tessa hadn’t felt tired. Usually at the end of the day she was exhausted. The result of depression, she suspected. She’d done enough reading on the subject to recognize the symptoms. But today, tonight, reenergized, she felt she could easily go on for another eight hours. The young boy snuggled down after she read him another story.

      The McNabs, the couple who lived at the house and worked full-time for the Children’s Home, had returned from a weekend away. Most of the volunteers worked daytime hours. A few could be counted on for occasional night shifts but the bulk of that time was covered by the paid staff.

      Tessa pulled the blanket up over the boy’s arms. So sweet. He had been relentless during dinner, teasing the girls. Now, though, there was something about the peacefulness of a sleepy child... Swallowing, Tessa abruptly stood. Out of nowhere her breath caught, coming with difficulty. Everything was suddenly too much. Too close.

      The boy’s hand tugged hers. “Are you coming back tomorrow?”

      Tessa tried to sound normal, not as though she felt pinched from the inside out. “I’m not sure.”

      Cindy apparently recognized her discomfort. “We can finish up. The McNabs have everything under control.”

      “Good.” Tessa nodded. “Yes.”

      Cindy took her elbow, guiding her to the stairs. “It’s been a long day.”

      Tessa swallowed, hating that the hurt was attacking in waves. She’d conquered it for hours. It had even seemed to go away. But now every poignant moment was an assault.

      Blindly, she navigated the stairs. Cindy was close behind, grabbing their purses from the hall tree. She didn’t really remember how, but she was in the car, Cindy driving.

      “Would you like to stay over?” Cindy was asking. “Tomorrow we could have a nice breakfast before church.”

      Tessa shook her head, knowing instinctively that she needed to be alone.

      “Okay, well, I’ll take you home. But if you change your mind I can be over in a tick. It’s no trouble.”

      Sanity returned. “You’ve been gone from your family all day. You really don’t have to babysit me.”

      Cindy took her gaze from the road for a moment, staring. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just that you don’t have to be alone. We’re here for you.”

      “I know. And it’s truly appreciated. But I need to be able to handle an evening alone.”

      “I shouldn’t have thrown you into the middle of the kids,” Cindy fretted.

      “I volunteered,” Tessa reminded her.

      “Yes, but I know it’s a tender subject. I wasn’t thinking.”

      Seemed they were each determined to take the blame.

      Tessa dug deep and found a tiny smile. “At least we’re not blaming each other.”

      Cindy saw the smile and laughed. “I have days when I feel that I’ve jumped in the deep end before I learned to wade in the shallows.” She turned, heading toward Morgan’s home, which was close. “Will you promise me something?”

      Tessa took a deep breath, still feeling the twitchy beat of her heart. “Depends on what it is.”

      “If you’re lonely or just bored, call me. If you don’t feel like coming over or having company, we can talk on the phone.”

      “I can’t promise to do it every time,” Tessa replied truthfully. Most days she felt she used up all her words during working hours and had few left for anything else. It was why her cupboards were relatively bare, her cottage virtually unchanged since she moved in. Talking required an energy that she couldn’t seem to sustain. Her parents had commented on her sparse communications. Tonight’s pain was subsiding, nearly extinguished. Suddenly exhausted, she rubbed her eyes. It seemed as if years had passed since her divorce.

      “Okay,” Cindy conceded. “I hope you’ll feel like going to church tomorrow.”

      “I’ll see.”

      Sensing Tessa’s reluctance, Cindy was silent as she drove the short remaining distance.

      Morgan’s broad driveway was empty, all the cars enclosed in the garage, so it was difficult to determine just who was home. But it didn’t matter. After saying goodbye to Cindy, all Tessa wanted to do was disappear into her cottage. Skirting the front of the house, she took the shortcut that led her past the rose arbor.

      “You’re home early for a Saturday night,” Morgan spoke from the darkness.

      Startled, she jumped.

      “Sorry. Thought you saw me.”

      “No, I wasn’t looking out into the yard.” Tessa collected herself, gazing into the night, finally seeing that he sat on a curved stone bench. What is he doing out in the dark alone? Should she ask? Undecided, she hesitated.

      “The smell of the roses,” he explained, apparently sensing her curiosity. Morgan stood, moving into a patch of moonlight. “It’s more distinct at night when it’s still. The heat of the sun brings out the aroma and the cooler air seems to capture it.”

      It was a romantic notion, one she hadn’t expected of him. “Oh.”

      “Did you have a good time?”

      “A good time?” she echoed. “It wasn’t exactly that kind of day. I was having tea with Cindy when she got called to the Children’s Home. Wound up working there this afternoon...well, and this evening.”

      “What did you do there?” he questioned.

      “Cooked, read stories. Stuff with the kids.”

      “Oh.” He looked perplexed.

      She wondered why. “Is that so amazing?”

      “You don’t have kids.”

      Tessa stiffened. “No, I don’t.”

      He held up one hand. “It wasn’t an accusation. Just seems like an unlikely way to spend a Saturday.”

      “Don’t you want to spend Saturdays with Poppy?”

      “I do as often as I can. Not as often as I want.”

      The day’s ventures emboldened her. “Why not?”

      “My job doesn’t end at five o’clock

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