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He held up a hand, hoping to reassure her. Wishing the fear and hatred would leave her eyes. “I won’t try to take him from you, Andie. But I do want to be a part of his life. I’d like to get to know my son.”
Her spine stiffened. “I … I’m not sure how that will work. I’d need to talk to him first. To tell him you’ve returned.”
“You mean you didn’t tell him I was dead or something like that?”
“Of course not. Maybe that would have hurt him less, but it wasn’t the truth. I knew he’d find out eventually that you were alive.”
So his son believed his father had abandoned him. Filled with shame, Matt licked his dry lips. He could only imagine how Davie felt, missing his father. Wondering why his daddy never came home, read him stories, bought him gifts, played ball with him or tucked him in at night.
Matt’s respect for Andie grew. She could have taken the easy way out and just told Davie his father was dead. But she hadn’t. And Matt couldn’t help wondering if Davie hated him. Maybe death would have been a better option. Matt should have been the one to die in that last wildfire, not one of his crewmen. At least death was something they all could understand. But not this aching abandonment.
“Thank you, Andie.”
“For what?” She bit out the words, her eyes narrowed with anger.
“For having our child. It couldn’t have been easy, raising him alone. I can see you’ve done a great job with him. He seems like a wonderful kid.”
“He is. The best.” Tears filled her eyes and she blinked.
“Is he a healthy child? Is he smart?”
“He’s perfect. What other kind of child would we make?”
“With you as his mother, I’m not surprised.” He wasn’t sure if he saw doubt or gratitude in her gaze.
“Were you ever going to tell me about our son?” He couldn’t help sounding a tad combative. He had to accept responsibility for his part in destroying his family, but he also felt angry that Andie had kept his son from him.
“I didn’t see a need.”
Ah, that hurt. But he supposed he deserved it. If he didn’t think she’d tear his head off, he would have stood and taken her into his arms. Now wasn’t the time. After surviving the wildfire, he’d reevaluated his priorities. If anything, Davie gave Matt a stronger reason to live and to rehabilitate his injured leg.
“When can I spend some time with him?” Matt clamped an iron will on his patience. He wanted to see Davie right now, to study the boy’s facial expressions and learn his mannerisms. Matt felt like he’d just become a father. As though the amazing event had occurred only moments ago.
For him, it had. He couldn’t believe it. He was a dad!
“I’ll give you a call.” The angry lines creasing her mouth eased a bit, but the wall of tension remained.
Instinctively he knew if he pushed too hard, she could make it very difficult for him to ever see Davie. Matt wasn’t stupid. One claim that he’d abandoned Andie over five years earlier and had never seen his own child wouldn’t go over too well with a family-court judge. He didn’t want attorneys and visitation battles. He wanted his family back.
Matt reached inside his shirt pocket and pulled out one of his new business cards. He handed it to her and she took it reluctantly, letting it dangle from her fingers like a dead mouse.
“My home and cell numbers are on the back. Call me anytime, night or day. I’ll come running.” He indicated the cane. “Or I should say I’ll come walking as fast as I can.”
She didn’t smile at his attempted humor.
Taking up his cane, he stood and took a step, hoping he didn’t fall flat on his face. His left thigh muscle quivered as he put weight on it, but he forced it to endure. He’d returned to work too soon after the fire, but he couldn’t wait to see Andie. He looked at her now, letting his gaze feast upon her pretty face. Her blond hair seemed a bit longer, flipped back in soft waves he longed to touch. She looked down at his business card and her hair swung forward, hiding her profile. He fought the urge to reach out and brush it back. To cup her face with his hands and look into her blue eyes as he kissed her lips.
Words clogged his throat. So many things he wanted to say. So many apologies. But she wouldn’t believe him. Not yet. There was just one thing he needed to get off his chest right now. One thing he must say to her over and over again.
“I never should have left you, Andie. I wish I had stayed.”
She gave a harsh, disbelieving laugh. Her eyes looked so cold. Devoid of the warmth and joy he’d seen there when they’d first married. “I find that hard to believe.”
“I mean it.” He met her gaze without flinching, trying to convey the truth of his words with every fiber of his being.
She dropped his card on top of her desk and stood a bit too abruptly before stepping away from her chair. The anguish on her face reminded him of all the pain he’d caused her. He didn’t want to see her cry right now. Not when she still hated him.
He opened the door and smiled over his shoulder at her. “You take care of yourself. We’ll be in touch soon.”
Andie left the office as soon as Matt pulled out of the parking lot. After her encounter with him, she wanted nothing more than to see Davie and hold her son close. To know he was safe at home where he belonged.
Alone in her car, she refused to cry. She’d shed enough tears over this man. Why had Matt returned? She’d moved on with her life and didn’t want to resurrect the past.
As she pulled into the driveway of the white forest service house where she lived, she gripped the steering wheel, trying to settle her nerves. She didn’t want Davie to see her upset like this.
Susan came outside to greet her. When this ranger district had opened up, Andie had jumped at the job. Sue and her husband lived in Enlo, and Andie thought being near family might be good for both her and Davie. She’d been right.
Andie’s younger sister stood on the front step, resting one hand on the porch railing. The grave expression on Sue’s face told Andie of her concern. And yet, Andie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t understand this situation herself.
Taking a deep breath, Andie unbuckled her seat belt and stepped out of her car. She dodged the snow shovel lying on the front lawn.
Bless Sue. She was now a stay-at-home mom and spent her time tending to Rose and Davie and helping Andie get settled here in Enlo. If not for Sue and her husband, Brett, Andie didn’t know how she would have made it through the past years alone.
As Andie reached the covered porch, Sue stepped forward and handed her a warm sweater. Sue curled into a wicker chair and indicated Andie should join her. “The kids are fine. Let’s talk before I take Rose home.”
Andie glanced at the front door, noticing it stood ajar so they could hear the children. “Thanks, sis.”
“You okay?” Sue asked as Andie sat down.
Andie draped the sweater over herself. Freezing cold in spite of the warm day, she tried to feel something besides deep, abiding hatred. “I’m fine.”
Sue peered at her. “You don’t look fine.”
“Well, how do I look?” A gentle breeze pulsed around them, and she brushed the hair back from her face. She felt chilled and irritated and longed to get out of her uniform and into some comfortable sweats.
“You look pale and distressed.”
Andie shook her head, filled with disbelief. “Why did he have to come back? Why couldn’t he have stayed away?”
“I don’t know. The guy is bad news. What does he want?”