LITMIR.BIZ

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I was on his back. I took him by surprise, and worked him quite into gentleness and obedience. Oh, I was a real master of horsemanship! But I wanted to show this to the ladies, you see. I forced the horse to leap in at one of the open windows of the tea-room, walked round several times, and at last made him mount the tea-table. It was exceedingly pleasing to the ladies, for the horse walked amazingly well, and did not break either cup or saucer.

      It placed me so high in their opinion, and so well in the opinion of the noble lord, that, with his usual politeness, he begged me to take this young horse. It was the noble lord’s present.

      It was a very agreeable present – a horse so gentle, so spirited, and so fierce! It was my best friend during the Turkish war.

      One day the Turks were coming against me in a cloud of dust. I was rather uncertain about their actual numbers and real intentions. The fight was terrible, but we broke them entirely – made a terrible havoc amongst them, and drove back to a walled town in their rear.

      The swiftness of my horse enabled me to be the first in the pursuit. I decided to stop in the market-place, and I walked my horse to a well in this market-place, and let him drink. It drank uncommonly, and was not satisfied. Why? I looked round, and what did I see, gentlemen? The hind part of the poor creature – his croup and legs were missing. The horse was cut in two[19], and the water ran out as it came in. The water did not do my horse any good! How it happened was quite a mystery to me. I returned with him to the town-gate. There I saw, that when I rushed in with the flying enemy, they dropped the portcullis (a heavy door, with sharp spikes at the bottom, it prevents the entrance of an enemy into a fortified town).And it cut off the horse’s hind part, so it still lay on the outside of the gate. I took it immediately and brought to the doctor. He sewed them up with sprigs and young shoots of laurels that were at hand. The wound healed, and the sprigs took root in the horse’s body.

      Baron Munchausen Rides a Cannon Ball[20]

      During the war, I was able to ride not only horses, but also cannon balls. One day we were besieging a Turkish city, and our commander wanted to know if there were some guns in that city. But in all our army there was not a single brave man who could sneak into the enemy’s camp.

      I was the bravest one, of course. I stood next to a big cannon that was firing. When the cannon ball flew out, I jumped on top of it and dashed forward. Everyone exclaimed:

      “Bravo, Bravo, Baron Munchausen!

      At first I flew with pleasure, but when the enemy’s city appeared in the distance, I became uneasy. How to get out of there? The enemies will catch me as a spy. No, dear Munchausen, you must go back before it’s too late!

      At this moment the Turks fired a counter-ball[21]. It was flying past me. So I got on it and flew back. Of course, during my flight, I carefully counted all the Turkish guns and brought our commander the most accurate information about the enemy’s artillery.

      Baron Munchausen Pulls Himself out of a Mire by His Own Hair

      Oh yes, during this war I had a lot of adventures. Once I was escaping from the Turks. I tried to jump over a mire on horseback. But the horse was not successful in it, and we fell down into the mire.

      We began to sink. There was no escape. The mire sucked us deeper and deeper with terrible speed. My horse’s body disappeared in the stinking mud, my head was sinking as well. And only my pigtail was seen.

      What to do? You know, gentlemen, about the amazing strength of my arms. I’m a strong man, indeed. I grabbed myself by this pigtail, and pulled up with all my strength. I pulled both myself and my horse out of the mire. I held my horse tightly with both feet, as if with tongs.

      Yes, I lifted both myself and my horse, and if you think it is easy, try it yourself!

      The Baron On The Moon

      I was not always successful. I had the misfortune to be a prisoner of war; and, what is worse, I was sold for a slave. My daily task was not very hard and laborious, but rather irksome. It was to drive the Sultan’s bees every morning to their pasture-grounds, to attend them all the day long, and at night to drive them back to their hives.

      One evening I missed a bee. Two bears caught it to tear it to pieces for the honey it carried. I had nothing in my hands but the silver hatchet, which the Sultan’s gardeners and farmers possessed. I threw it at the bears, with an intention to frighten them away. But the hatchet flew upwards, and continued rising till it reached the moon. How could I recover it? How could I fetch it down again?

      I recollected that Turkey-beans[22] grow very quick, and run up to an astonishing height. I planted one immediately; it grew, and actually fastened itself to the moon. I climbed up by it into the moon, where I safely arrived, and found my silver hatchet. I found it in a heap of chaff and chopped straw. I was about to return: but, alas! The heat of the sun dried up my bean; it was totally useless for my descent.

      I began to twist a rope of that chopped straw. This I fastened to the moon, and slid down to the end of it. But the rope was short. The earth was far away. So I held myself fast with the left hand, and with the hatchet in my right, I cut the long, now useless end of the upper part. I tied it to the lower end, and it brought me down to the Sultan’s garden. I was four or five miles from the earth at least when it broke. I fell to the ground with such amazing violence, that I found myself in a hole nine fathoms deep at least. I did not know how to get out again. However, I dug steps with my finger-nails, and easily accomplished it.

      A Balloon Over Constantinople

      When I was in the service of the Turks, one morning, as I was admiring the beauty and serenity of the sky, I observed a globular substance in the air. It was about the size of a twelve-inch globe. I immediately took up my largest and longest barrel fowling-piece. I never travel without it. I charged it with a ball, and fired at the globe. Nothing happened. The object was at a great distance. I then put in a double quantity of powder, and five or six balls. This second attempt succeeded. All the balls tore one side open, and brought it down. Judge my surprise[23] when a most elegant gilt car, with a man in it, and part of a roasted sheep fell within two yards of me. What a strange aerial traveller!

      I took him on board (he was French). He was incapable of speaking; but after some time, however, he told me: “It began seven or eight days before, I cannot tell you exactly. I ascended from Cornwall, in the island of Great Britain, in the car, suspended from a very large balloon, and took a sheep with me – just for fun. Unfortunately, the wind changed within ten minutes after my ascent. I intended to land in Exeter, but I was driven towards the sea.

      The hunger was terrible. On the third day, I killed the sheep for food. At that time I was above the moon, and the sun scorched my eyebrows. I placed the sheep in that part of the car where the sun had sufficient power. It was well roasted in about two hours. This was my food.”

      Here he paused. When I told him the city before us was Constantinople, he seemed exceedingly affected.

      “The cause,” added he, “of my long flight was the failure of a string which was fixed to a valve in the balloon. I did not let out the inflammable air. But you, my dear Baron, fired at the balloon, and I was saved.”

      A Carriage in a Narrow Road

      Peace was soon concluded with the Turks. I gained my liberty and left St. Petersburg. The winter was then so uncommonly severe all over Europe, that ever since the sun seems to be frost-bitten. I found myself in a very narrow lane. I asked the coachman to give a signal with his horn, that other travellers could see us in the narrow passage. He blew with all his might; but his endeavours were in vain. The horn was silent, which was unaccountable, and rather unfortunate. Soon after we saw another coach. It was coming the other way. However, I got out of my carriage, and placed it, wheels and all, upon my head. I then jumped over a hedge about nine feet high (which was rather difficult) into

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