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The Playground Mafia. Clare Christian
Читать онлайн.Название The Playground Mafia
Год выпуска 0
isbn 9781782199731
Автор произведения Clare Christian
Жанр Биографии и Мемуары
Издательство Ingram
This book belongs to
……………………………………………..
For my parents, who often braved
The Playground Mafia on my behalf to give me time to write this book. CC
For all my teacher friends, who are valiant in their dealings with The Playground Mafia each and every day. EK
CONTENTS
1 TITLE PAGE
2 DEDICATION
3 INTRODUCTION
4
5 HOT MUM
6 SPORTY MUM
7 HELICOPTER MUM
8 OFSTED MUM
9 MIDLIFE CRISIS DAD
10 CHAV MUM
11 TITTLE-TATTLE MUM
12 WANNABE WAG MUM
13 EARTH MUM
14 TOYBOY DAD
15 DEEPLY DISSATISFIED MUM
16 MISTRESS MUM
17 PUSHY MUM
18 SNOOTY MUM
19 ONE-SON MUM
20 SPORTY DAD
21 FLAKY MUM
22 FLIRTY MUM
23 MARY POPPINS MUM
24 PTA MUM
25 HOT DAD
26 CORPORATE MUM
27 BOHEMIAN MUM
28 DRAMA MUM
29 GODFATHER MUM
30 HARASSED WORKING MUM
31 COMPETITIVE MUM
32 NAUGHTY CHILD MUM
33 SWINGER MUM
34 LIKE-MINDED MUM
35
36 THE PLAYGROUND MAFIA COCKTAIL PARTY
37 COLLECTIVE NOUNS FOR THE PLAYGROUND MAFIA
38 THE PLAYGROUND MAFIA SCOREBOARD
39 A FINAL WORD
40 COPYRIGHT
Few people in life are lucky enough to escape the clutches of The Playground Mafia, and if you’re reading this book the chances are you’re not one of them. Instead, like us, you will be more than familiar with the delights of Flaky Mum, Hot Mum and Midlife Crisis Dad and you will almost certainly have spent hours and hours wishing that there was a handy spotter’s guide available so that you could identify and record the many stereotypes to be found in your playground.
And those hours were not wasted for, as if by magic (if magic is purchasing a book), here it is! The only guide you’ll ever need to spot the different parental stereotypes inhabiting your playground.
Although we know it’s not very politically correct to put people into boxes (yawn), you have to admit it is quite fun. And when there are chocolatey prizes on offer, too*, then anything is justified, no?
So you may be wondering which particular box the authors of this book fit into. Well, modest as we are, we didn’t include an Utterly Perfect Mum category, but if there was one that would be us, right in the middle of that very small box.
We joke of course. Just like everyone else we’re a mix of many – some good and some not so good. But on the whole we hope we fit into the Like-Minded Mum category you will find at the end of this book. The amount of wine we two have drunk and cake we have eaten together means we tick a couple of the boxes at least.
So, whether you’re a bit Flirty, a bit Flaky, a bit Earthy or a bit Competitive, we hope you enjoy meeting The Playground Mafia here.
Especially Hot Dad. You’re going to LOVE him!
Clare and Elisabeth
www.theplaygroundmafia.co.uk
* Log on to the website to win chocolatey prizes!
LIKELY TO WEAR: Hot clothes.
WHEN NOT IN THE PLAYGROUND YOU ARE LIKELY TO FIND HER: Surrounded by husbands.
IF SHE WERE A COCKTAIL, SHE WOULD BE: Sex on the Beach (of course).
IF SHE WERE A MEAL, SHE WOULD BE: Oysters and champagne.
IF SHE WERE IN A BUILDER’S MERCHANTS, SHE WOULD BE: Penetrating Spray 400 ml.
Not to be confused with any of the many menopausal mums in the playground, Hot Mum may be the cause of hot flushes but she certainly doesn’t have them.
She sashays into the playground, all tight clothes and perfect curves, tailed by her pretty daughter and handsome son. Always in heels or FMBs to accentuate her never-ending legs, a hush falls upon the playground as she enters and the grumpy caretaker tuts as he once again has to clear up the small stream of dad-dribble that trickles towards the gate.
She does a marvellous impression of being unaware of her hotness, but as she flicks her sexily tousled hair suggestively and uses picking up the lunchboxes as an excuse for wiggling her pert bottom in the direction of poor old Midlife Crisis Dad, we can see through her as easily as we can see through that shimmery white top she wears.
You may think that she is effortlessly hot, but in fact that kind of sex appeal takes a lot of work – work that her husband is only too glad to support, knowing the envious glances he will get at the next company dinner. So, the only work Hot Mum ever has to do is on herself, and she does it well.
She is never caught out by the weather; festival wellies on and Joules Chase wax coat fitted neatly over her slim hips on rainy days. At the annual inter-schools rugby tournament she jiggles appealingly with excitement and the dads pray for more tries and the boob-wobbling that will follow as she cheers – even if they are supporting the opposite team!
She will be at every evening event that the school puts on, as this allows her to wear clothes that even she wouldn’t wear to the playground. While Like-Minded Mums are straightening their frizzy hair and rolling around on the floor trying to get their rarely-worn going out trousers done up, she is slipping on a gorgeous sheath of silk and strappy heels just for the PTA quiz night.
The other mums spit their disapproval