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      Healing Broken Hurts

      Growing Through Divorce

      Rev. Nelson M. Chamberlin

      Copyright © 2013 Nelson M. Chamberlin

      No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior consent of the publisher.

      The Publisher makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any commercial damages.

      2013-04-18

      Dedication

      Dedicated to my wife (LaDonna Chamberlin) who co-anchored and counseled with me in each of the 44 Divorce Recovery Workshops we conducted over the years touching the lives of more than 800 hurting people

      And to all those participants of our Workshops who contributed to our understanding of the trauma of divorce and who offered helpful suggestions that enhanced our program

      Acknowledgments

      Lori Fisher —

      (Placement Director at Indianapolis International Business College) who designed my book cover and guided me into the book publishing business

      Audi Cathcart —

      (Clinical Consultant with ProActive Medical Review) who advised me as to the content of this book

      Monte Chamberlin —

      (Founder and Owner of Cost Stewardship Company) who has been my advisor in all things financial

      A Wake Up Call

      In 1975 I was assigned as minister of the Fishers United Methodist Church in Fishers, Indiana. My District Superintendent approached me with a deal I could hardly afford to turn down. He informed me that the Rev. Robert Schuller at the Crystal Cathedral Church in Garden Grove, California must be doing something right. He was conducting a Seminar for Successful Ministers and I was invited to attend with the idea of discovering some of the secrets of successful ministry. My Superintendent offered to help pay some of the expenses for that trip if I would in turn report to him what I had discovered.

      I flew out to Los Angeles and attended the five-day seminar. I discovered many ideas I could utilize back in my church at Fishers. I was impressed first with his Drive-In Worship Service. They had installed individual outdoor movie-type sound receivers for each car to be placed on their windows. Individuals from the church were there to welcome them and direct them to their places for worship. Their setting was picturesque and the quality of their presentation of worship was impressive.

      I returned to Fishers and started the first Drive-In Worship in the Indianapolis Area. We had four loud speakers installed on the roof of our church building that could “blow” sound for five miles (if we wanted them to). We built an outdoor brick pulpit and lecturn stand near the entry doors in the South Parking Lot, wired it for sound, and we were in business.

      Our local Boy Scout Troop 109 was enlisted to help us in every service. They welcomed the Drive-In Worshippers, passed out bulletins and hymnals and collected them when the service was over. They passed the offering plates through the congregated cars and delivered the gifts to our church treasurer when finished.

      We pre-recorded the piano accompaniment for the hymns we sang and played them through the loudspeakers while the people sang in their cars. This service was appealing to many of our worshippers. Some were handicapped and could not get out of their cars to worship in our sanctuary. Others had physical problems like i and felt they would not be comfortable in a crowded sanctuary. There were some who had small children and they could bring them to the Drive-In Worship in their pajamas. We had worshippers who rode their horses to the services, and others who rode their bicycles ten miles to worship in the outdoors.

      We had a great following in this early 8:30 a.m. service and had nearly 125 regular worshippers there (in addition to the regular services in the sanctuary). Our church grew exponentially in those days, and we soon had to add to our physical plant.

      We upgraded our musical program and brought in nationally known vocalists (some of whom came from the Garden Grove Community Church, others from famous choirs like the Purdue University Glee Clubs).

      But the thing that was most impressive to me about the Crystal Cathedral (and the thing that completely altered my ministry) was the Divorce Recovery Workshop that continued for a few days after the Successful Church Leadership was concluded. THAT WAS MY REAL WAKE-UP CALL!

      The Rev. Jim Smoke was minister of Single Adults there at Garden Grove. He had 1200 single adults among their congregation. For several days I listened to him and these hurting people pour out their hearts, sat with them in restaurants hearing what it was like to have gone through a devastating divorce, and I was moved profoundly by that experience.

      I came home to discover 82 single adults in our congregation. Basically as a congregation we were saying to them, “You are welcome here, but sit back over there in the corner and don’t make much noise. We don’t want to be bothered by you.” I know why many churches won’t deal with single adults in a meaningful way. Those congregations are filled with many people whose marriages are shaky and they see single-adults as “foot-loose and fancy-free,” a threat to their weak marriages.

      I did not want our church to be like that. So I said to my wife (LaDonna), “Honey, I think we are going to start a Divorce Workshop here.” She looked at me with an incredulous look on her face and said, “How in the world are we going to do that? How will we know what to do?” I read over fifty books on divorce and single adult life. Finally I went to my Administrative Board and proposed that we be given permission to do this kind of ministry, and they agreed. (Not fully understanding the need for this), but since they were used to me starting new “weird” things by now, they approved what was to be the changing event in my life.

      My wife and I conducted 44 Divorce Recovery Workshops ministering to over 800 people up to and past our retirement. It has been the absolutely most rewarding experience we have had in all of our ministry! Others have taken cues from our experiences and have designed Divorce Recovery Workshops of their own. One of my associates at Fishers went from here to the largest United Methodist Church in the South Conference and built a large single adult fellowship that touched many people.

      Because of that WAKE UP CALL, I am now sharing some insights in this book that I hope will inspire other individuals and congregations to reach out and touch their friends whose lives have been broken and need help.

      Getting Started

      Of all the more than 50 books I read on the subject of marriage and divorce, Jim Smoke’s book “Growing Through Divorce” was the most influential to me. I borrowed heavily from his book to organize our program. You may find it helpful as well.

      To begin … we discovered that the place for meeting was better suited outside of the church building. Some participants may be reluctant to set feet inside a church. We conducted our workshops in a comfortable setting of sofas, chairs, tables, and a fire place in our own home (basement Great Room). We had a person ready at the front door to greet them and direct them to the place where we were meeting. We had a place to put their coats (on our pool table) where they could readily identify them when they were leaving. We noted where the restroom facilities could be located.

      We served refreshments each night toward the end of the session when participants were encouraged to remain and share their thoughts and concerns with each other and with us. We promised that we would not conclude any session until the last person was ready to leave.

      Paper plates, paper cups, paper napkins and plastic silverware were made available.

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