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      Thomas Page McBee was the ‘masculinity expert’ for VICE and has written the columns ‘Self-Made Man’ for the Rumpus and ‘The American Man’ for Pacific Standard. His essays and reportage have appeared in the New York Times, Playboy, The Atlantic, Glamour, Salon, and BuzzFeed, where he was a regular contributor on gender issues. Man Alive won the Lambda Literary Award and was named a Book of the Year by Publishers Weekly, Kirkus Reviews, NPR Books, and BuzzFeed. He lives in New York City, where he works as the editor of special projects at Quartz.

       www.thomaspagemcbee.com @thomaspagemcbee

      ‘McBee’s beautifully written story is engrossing

      and brave, and rings with triumph’

      BuzzFeed

      ‘A brilliant work of art. I bow down to McBee – his

      humility, his sense of humour, his insightfulness,

      his structural deftness, his ability to put into

      words what is often said but rarely, with such

      visceral clarity and beauty, communicated’

      Heidi Julavits

      author of The Vanishers

      ‘A story about patience, forgiveness, kindness

      and bravery . . . With this book, Thomas Page

      McBee has done exactly what we should all

      strive for: to tell our stories in ways that

      humanise rather than sensationalise’

      Lauren Morelli

      writer, Orange Is the New Black

      ‘Well aware that memory and identity rarely

      follow a linear path, Thomas Page McBee

      attempts to answer the question,

      “What does it really mean to be a man?”

      Weaving past and present to do so, the book’s

      journey connects violence, masculinity and

      forgiveness. McBee has an intelligent heart, and it

      beats in every sentence of this gorgeous book’

      Saeed Jones

      author of Prelude to Bruise

      ‘Exquisitely written and bristling with emotion,

      this important book reminds us of how much

      vulnerability and violence inheres to any identity.

      A real achievement of form and narrative’

      Jack Halberstam

      author of The Queer Art of Failure

Images

      A True Story of Violence, Forgiveness and Becoming a Man

      THOMAS PAGE McBEE

Images

      First published in Great Britain in 2017 by Canongate Books Ltd,

      14 High Street, Edinburgh EH1 1TE

       www.canongate.co.uk

      This digital edition first published in 2017 by Canongate Books

      Copyright © 2014 by Thomas Page McBee

      The moral right of the author has been asserted

      First published in the United States by City Lights Books,

      City Lights Bookstore, 261 Columbus Avenue,

      San Francisco, CA 94133

      British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available on request from the British Library

      ISBN 978 1 78689 088 7

      eISBN 978 1 78689 089 4

      This is a work of non-fiction, but it relies on memory and, as such, its attendant illusions, spectres and plays of light. It is the truth as I’ve lived it. Many names have been changed.

      For you, whoever you are.

      Contents

       About the Author

       Title Page

       Copyright

       Dedication

       Prologue South Carolina

       I Freeze

       1 Oakland

       2 Pittsburgh

       3 Oakland

       4 Pittsburgh

       5 Oakland

       6 Pittsburgh

       7 Oakland

       8 Pittsburgh

       9 Oakland

       10 Pittsburgh

       11 Oakland

       II Flight

       12 South Carolina

       13 South Carolina

       14 Oakland

       15 South Carolina

       16 Boston

       17 South Carolina

       18 South Carolina

      

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