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      Going Back to Basics

      The Dream Movement Series

      By

      Marcia Wieder

      America’s Dream Coach

      GOING BACK TO BASICS

      Preparing to look deeply at yourself, your life and how you want your life to be is a moment of truth. Although it can be done gently, it can never be taken too lightly. After all, this is your life and it should be lived to its fullest.

      Perhaps the biggest commitment we can make while pursu- ing all the things we want and need, is the promise to take care of ourselves first. Only then can we truly be there for the many others that depend on us. To fail at self-preservation leaves our minds and bodies stressed, exhausted and inca- pable of sustaining a meaningful existence.

      It is essential that your overall health is good and that your relationships are intact so you are really free to focus on you. This book will help you take a look at your relation- ship to yourself and to others in your life. It’s too easy to gloss over the basic premise and just assume you’ll some- how get to taking care of “you” later. But often that extra time never comes. When you do nothing, nothing happens. To expect otherwise is to live in a fantasy world, where you may end up with many disappointments and failed longings. Yet, that doesn’t need to happen. And it won’t as you focus, even a little, on making time for yourself first. The practice of really taking care of YOU; of identifying what your needs are and scheduling this time in first, can become a new way of living life.

      Are you the type that fills your calendar up with all the things you need to do, and if there’s an hour left over by Sun- day you treat yourself to something special: a movie, golf game or a late night bath? Or, rather than enjoying a simple pleas- ure does even that time get used up with scheduling the week ahead? Face it, laundry, dishes and errands are inevitable and endless. What will it take for you to slow down or to make quality time to tune into your needs? Are you waiting for something to happen to you or a loved one that will finally get you to stop “the runaway train?” You can plan better than that, and I’ll show you how.

      My mother and the parents of two of my closest friends, all had triple bypass surgery last year. Luckily, modern surgery could put them back together. However, we can’t let this become the norm. How we take care of ourselves on a daily basis will determine the quality of our health, our well-being and our lives.

      NOTICE WAKE-UP CALLS

      When I started running out of energy, I pushed myself hard- er. When I started gaining weight, I dieted. But when my stomach swelled up like a basketball and stayed that way, I knew something was wrong. I had a tumor on my ovary. I’m not sure anything short of a crisis would have really slowed me down. I hope you’re more sensible and responsive to your needs than I was.

      How often it seems to take some jolt to wake us up and say, “It’s time to make a change.” My surgery did just that. After five hours with my body cut open, I took a serious look at myself and how I was living my life.

      The operation really affected my self-esteem. My thoughts about myself and my entire perspective on life were turned upside down. I thought I was strong. I never expected my body to fail me. As a strong-willed person, I thought I could fix or make anything happen that I set my mind to. I was wrong, and unfortunately found out the hard way.

      I tried many alternatives to surgery. I felt such a sense of powerlessness that it made me quite humble. Finally, after much soul-searching, I succumbed to “go under the knife” and had the surgery I so desperately needed. The whole experi- ence helped me realize that I was a human being made of flesh and blood, doing the best job I could. I also learned to take help when I truly needed it. My pride had initially gotten in theway,buttheriskoflosingeverythingIhadworkedsohard for opened my eyes and heart to what had to be done.

      As we learn to ask for help from friends and family, we can begin to feel different about ourselves and about our worth as human beings. This insight allows us access to a whole new level of power; power born from vulnerability and the power to be ourselves, just as we are. From this place, we can begin to make important promises to ourselves.

      The biggest and most significant promise that I ask you to make is a tough one for many of us, especially if we’re always tak- ing care of, and giving to others. The opera singer Jessey Norman said, “Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need yourself.” I would encourage you to take care of yourself first, so that you have the resources to take care of and be there for others. Though initial- ly this sounds self-centered, it makes sense when you consider the alternative of becoming completely spent. That’s “spent” as in “chewed up and spit out.” Standing strong in the resolution to be true to ones self is non-negotiable. Backing out of it isn’t an option. Actually it’s an obligation worth fighting for, even at the risk of putting some things or people off. At least until you’re ready to consider adding more to your to-do list. But, before you agree to do another favor, task or project, consider starting every morning with the most wonderful question, of “What will honor me today?” You deserve that kind of self-respect.

      Faith Popcorn, a clever trend forecaster and the president of BrainReserve says, “After more than a decade of virtuous self-improvement, we’re sick of being good, eating less, drink- ing less, saving money. It’s time for safe indulgence, be it treat- ing yourself to expensive makeup or staying in bed late on Sunday instead of getting up early to go to the gym.”

      Sometimes your indulgence may be to go for a long walk or to have a cup of tea in the park. Sometimes it may be writing or reading poetry or a good novel. Sometimes it may be eating Bon-Bons, while watching a video as you lounge on your couch in your pajamas...at four o’clock in the afternoon.

      Ask, listen, and do what you need to do. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it takes guts. This is the practice of coming home or being at home with yourself, both literally and figura- tively. When you’re at peace with yourself, anywhere is home. Only then can you wholeheartedly give others what they need.

      Making and acting on agreements with ourselves is a criti- cal practice in building self-trust. The relationship that we have with ourselves is the single most important relationship we’ll experience in our lifetime. How can we know what our dreams are, much less how to make them happen, if we fail to know ourselves and our needs? It’s impossible.

      If we only focus on our goals and producing results, the achievement or failure of them will only develop our ego-needs. The real practice of connecting with our souls comes from hon- oring who we are and accepting life without so many limita- tions. This requires getting still, being silent and not doing anything for awhile, so we can fully open up and allow life in.

      On days when we feel scattered, or inadequate, how can we possibly be responsible or capable? I don’t think we can. What I used to do on the days when I was down was anything that would make me feel better. My personal list included eating lots of chocolate and going shopping. Although not horrible vices, they never sustained me. Well, I must confess, the chocolate did help for a little bit.

      CREATE DAILY PRACTICES

      I meet so many people who have developed simple daily regimes they follow to help keep them balanced, happy and focused on the things that really matter. They follow them not because they have to or because they should. They use these daily pleasures as a way to honor themselves; their bodies, souls, hearts and minds. I recommend you do this for one main reason: Honoring a simple regime and keeping your personal agree ments will help you feel good about yourself and keep you “pres- ent” in life. The opposite is to check-out, give up, give in or just not care. Being present and accounted for is how we demon- strate to ourselves that we are important, special and deserve the best. Think of it as a way to salute your place in the world, wher- ever and whatever it may be...it’s yours.

      Funny, as we treat ourselves this way, others begin to follow suit, treating us in a similar manner. It’s even possible to have this rub off on family and friends. We can experience the simple delight of taking good care of ourselves and notice that we actually

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