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      The Beautiful Disappointment: Discovering Who You Are Through the Trials of Life

      Copyright ©2008 Colin McCartney

      All rights reserved

      Printed in Canada

      International Standard Book Number: 978-1-894860-35-2 (paperback edition)

      International Standard Book Number: 978-1-894860-67-3 (electronic edition)

      Published by:

      Castle Quay Books

      1-1295 Wharf Street, Pickering, Ontario, L1W 1A2

      Tel: (416) 573-3249 Fax: (416) 981-7922

      E-mail: [email protected]

       www.castlequaybooks.com

      Copy editing by Janet Diamond

      Cover photo by Jimmie Hepp of JIMMIE4ART

      Cover design by Essence Publishing

      Printed at Essence Publishing, Belleville, Ontario

      This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form without prior written permission of the publishers.

      Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

      McCartney, Colin, 1964-

      The beautiful disappointment : discovering who you are through the

      trials of life / Colin McCartney.

      ISBN 978-1-894860-35-2

      1. McCartney, Colin, 1964- 2. Life change events--Religious

      aspects--Christianity. 3. Self-perception--Religious aspects--Christianity.

      4. Spirituality. 5. Christian life. I. Title.

      BV4509.5.M3435 2007 248.4 C2007-905205-3

      Acknowledgements

      My life would never be as joyful and wonderful as it is without my beautiful wife Judith. She is God’s best gift to me. He has made us one and I am so glad to be one with you.

      To my children, C.J. and Victoria. You are my delight and joy. I am a very blessed father to have children like you. The future is yours—go God’s way.

      To my publisher, Larry Willard, and my editor, Janet Diamond, and Castle Quay Books. Thank you so much for your gracious touch that is felt in every page of this book.

      I also want to personally acknowledge all of my family and friends who were there for us in our time of crisis. Thank you. To my UrbanPromise family, what a journey we live. I also want to say a very warm aloha to the wonderful friends, doctors, specialists and nurses we met at Maui Memorial Hospital, who were so wonderful to our family. We will always be grateful for the wonderful care we received. Mahola.

      To the families in UrbanPromise who were affected deeply by the tragedies in this book and to all of us who will face more trials in the future. Jesus walks with us!

      Finally, but most importantly, to my heavenly Father who is always present with exceeding amounts of comfort and grace. Life would be empty without You.

      ~ ~ ~

      “We can rest contentedly in our sins and in our stupidities, and everyone who has watched gluttons shoveling down the most exquisite foods as if they did not know what they were eating, will admit that we can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

      – C. S. Lewis,

      The Problem of Pain

      Introduction

      In our lifetime, we will all experience an assortment of trials, both large and small. At times, come to us mysteriously, quietly dropping with a whisper into our subconscious. At others, they confront us with a loud scream. Often they invade our minds through the radio while driving to work. Or they can take on profound personal significance in a variety of shapes and sizes:

      •A phone call informing you that a beloved family member is ill.

      •Your boss telling you that your services are no longer needed.

      •A letter outlining why you were not accepted into that college at which you were hoping to study.

      •Your doctor’s voice suggesting that surgery is needed immediately.

      •Your spouse telling you that it is over.

      •Your teenaged child’s behaviour, changed from a pleasant presence into a bitter and depressed person whom you do not recognize.

      This list can go on and on, testifying to the unavoidable reality that trials and tribulations are here to stay. We have all faced them. Many are dealing with them right now. We can all expect them in the future. Life truly is a struggle.

      As I get older, I find that I am forced to deal with more and more trials. It seems that I am increasingly shaped by the struggles I face. However, as I stumble through life, tripping over many obstacles and making far too many mistakes, I have discovered a wonderful and comforting secret. I am beginning to understand that these trials are opportunities for personal growth. Though I am no longer a child, I now realize that I never stop growing as an adult, and the main instrument God uses to shape my being are His tools of trials and tribulations. My problems, in the hands of God, are mighty instruments He can use to refine me into becoming progressively more what He created me to be. I have discovered the truth of James’ words when he wrote:

      “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” (James 1:2-4, The Message)

      God is at work in me, freeing me to be all that He created me to be. The same can be said for you. This is why we can take comfort in knowing that every trial and tribulation we face opens the door to the possibility of being released from all the encumbrances and dross that has prevented us from becoming the incredible people God already sees us to be. He has created us with immense value, purpose and ability. However, the reason the “real us” hasn’t been loosed is because we have imprisoned this true self in a hard shell of pride, weakness, selfishness and fear. Through life’s struggles, God slowly chips away at these prison bars. Tribulations can become His hammer that breaks the chains and bars we have erected, keeping our very souls in captivity.

      This book is about discovering the real you through the trials of life. As you read it, it is important to know that it is based on truths experienced in the fiery furnace of life. It is a challenge for you to accept the inevitability of suffering and to allow it to shape who you truly are deep within your soul. Though this book documents my real-life tragedies, it is an encouragement and demonstration of the love of God as evidenced in how He is involved in shaping our lives. We are not yet a finished product. Far from it. However, we are getting closer to completion because of the trials that we experience.

      Great wisdom is often birthed from tragedy. It seems that God allows us to learn His most precious truths only from the depths of our own personal despair. In these pages, I share insights that I discovered during the darkest period of my life in which my family and I faced three seemingly insurmountable tragedies within nine months. The timeline of this book begins with the first two tragedies, and ends with the catastrophe that took place when we were on a sabbatical in Hawaii. It was in a state of complete physical, emotional and spiritual brokenness that I was able to invite God into my situation and into my year of heartbreak. From this vantage point, I was able to reflect on the past and was forced to meet with God in solitude. It was there that God impacted my life like never before.

      It

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