LITMIR.BIZ

      Of all the ships upon the blue,

      No ship contained a better crew

      Than that of worthy CAPTAIN REECE,

      Commanding of The Mantelpiece.

      He was adored by all his men,

      For worthy CAPTAIN REECE, R.N.,

      Did all that lay within him to

      Promote the comfort of his crew.

      If ever they were dull or sad,

      Their captain danced to them like mad,

      Or told, to make the time pass by,

      Droll legends of his infancy.

      A feather bed had every man,

      Warm slippers and hot-water can,

      Brown windsor from the captain’s store,

      A valet, too, to every four.

      Did they with thirst in summer burn,

      Lo, seltzogenes at every turn,

      And on all very sultry days

      Cream ices handed round on trays.

      Then currant wine and ginger pops

      Stood handily on all the “tops;”

      And also, with amusement rife,

      A “Zoetrope, or Wheel of Life.”

      New volumes came across the sea

      From MISTER MUDIE’S libraree;

      The Times and Saturday Review

      Beguiled the leisure of the crew.

      Kind-hearted CAPTAIN REECE, R.N.,

      Was quite devoted to his men;

      In point of fact, good CAPTAIN REECE

      Beatified The Mantelpiece.

      One summer eve, at half-past ten,

      He said (addressing all his men):

      “Come, tell me, please, what I can do

      To please and gratify my crew.

      “By any reasonable plan

      I’ll make you happy if I can;

      My own convenience count as nil:

      It is my duty, and I will.”

      Then up and answered WILLIAM LEE

      (The kindly captain’s coxswain he,

      A nervous, shy, low-spoken man),

      He cleared his throat and thus began:

      “You have a daughter, CAPTAIN REECE,

      Ten female cousins and a niece,

      A Ma, if what I’m told is true,

      Six sisters, and an aunt or two.

      “Now, somehow, sir, it seems to me,

      More friendly-like we all should be,

      If you united of ’em to

      Unmarried members of the crew.

      “If you’d ameliorate our life,

      Let each select from them a wife;

      And as for nervous me, old pal,

      Give me your own enchanting gal!”

      Good CAPTAIN REECE, that worthy man,

      Debated on his coxswain’s plan:

      “I quite agree,” he said, “O BILL;

      It is my duty, and I will.

      “My daughter, that enchanting gurl,

      Has just been promised to an Earl,

      And all my other familee

      To peers of various degree.

      “But what are dukes and viscounts to

      The happiness of all my crew?

      The word I gave you I’ll fulfil;

      It is my duty, and I will.

      “As you desire it shall befall,

      I’ll settle thousands on you all,

      And I shall be, despite my hoard,

      The only bachelor on board.”

      The boatswain of The Mantelpiece,

      He blushed and spoke to CAPTAIN REECE:

      “I beg your honour’s leave,” he said;

      “If you would wish to go and wed,

      “I have a widowed mother who

      Would be the very thing for you—

      She long has loved you from afar:

      She washes for you, CAPTAIN R.”

      The Captain saw the dame that day—

      Addressed her in his playful way—

      “And did it want a wedding ring?

      It was a tempting ickle sing!

      “Well, well, the chaplain I will seek,

      We’ll all be married this day week

      At yonder church upon the hill;

      It is my duty, and I will!”

      The sisters, cousins, aunts, and niece,

      And widowed Ma of CAPTAIN REECE,

      Attended there as they were bid;

      It was their duty, and they did.

      List while the poet trolls

      Of MR. CLAYTON HOOPER,

      Who had a cure of souls

      At Spiffton-extra-Sooper.

      He lived on curds and whey,

      And daily sang their praises,

      And then he’d go and play

      With buttercups and daisies.

      Wild croquêt HOOPER banned,

      And all the sports of Mammon,

      He warred with cribbage, and

      He exorcised backgammon.

      His helmet was a glance

      That spoke of holy gladness;

      A saintly smile his lance;

      His shield a tear of sadness.

      His Vicar smiled to see

      This armour on him buckled:

      With pardonable glee

      He blessed himself and chuckled.

      “In mildness to abound

      My curate’s sole design is;

      In all the country round

      There’s none so mild as mine is!”

      And HOOPER, disinclined

      His trumpet to be blowing,

      Yet didn’t think you’d find

      A milder curate going.

      A friend arrived one day

      At Spiffton-extra-Sooper,

      And in this shameful way

      He spoke to Mr. HOOPER:

      “You

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