LITMIR.BIZ

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“Just not enough to call him up and dredge up the past.”

      He misses you, Mom.

      Avery let that sink in. She rarely thought of Jack in any real sort of romantic sense. She had told the truth, though: She did miss him. She missed Jack’s weird sense of humor, the way his body always seemed just a little too cold in the mornings, how his need for sex was almost comically predictable. More than anything, though, she missed watching him be an excellent father. But that was all gone now, part of a life that Avery was trying very hard to put behind her.

      Still, she couldn’t help but wonder what might have been, realizing that she’d had the chance for a great life. A life with picket fences, school fundraisers, lazy Sunday afternoons in the backyard.

      But the chance for that was gone. Rose had missed out on that perfect picture and Avery still blamed herself.

      “Mom?”

      “Sorry, Rose. I just don’t see your dad and I mending things, you know? Besides,” she added, and took a deep breath, bracing herself for Rose’s reaction, “maybe you aren’t the only one that’s met someone.”

      Rose turned to her, and Avery was relieved to see her smile. She looked to her mother with the sort of devilish grin girlfriends might share over cocktails while talking about men. It warmed Avery’s heart in a way she was not prepared for, nor could she explain.

      “What?” Rose asked, feigning shock. “You? Details, please.”

      “There are no details yet.”

      “Well, who is it?”

      Avery chuckled, realizing how silly it would seem. She almost didn’t say it. Hell, she had barely even told the guy how she felt. To voice it in front of her daughter would be a bit surreal.

      Still, she and Rose were making progress. No sense in stifling it because of her own embarrassment of having feelings for a man that was not Rose’s father.

      “It’s a man I work with. Ramirez.”

      “Have you guys hooked up?”

      “Rose!”

      Rose shrugged. “Hey…you wanted an open and honest relationship with your daughter, right?”

      “Yes, I suppose I do,” she said with a smile. “And no…we have not hooked up. But I’m sort of falling for him. He’s nice. Funny, sexy, and has this sort of charm to him that used to annoy me but now…it’s sort of appealing.”

      “Does he feel the same?” Rose asked.

      “He does. Or…he did. I think I blew it. He’s been patient but I think his patience ran out.” What she kept to herself was that she had made the decision to tell Ramirez how she felt but had not yet summoned up the nerve to do so.

      “Did you push him away?” Rose asked.

      Avery smiled.

      “Damn, you’re observant.”

      “I’m telling you…it’s genetics.”

      Rose grinned again, seeming to have forgotten about unpacking for the moment.

      “Go for it, Mom!”

      “Oh my God.”

      Rose laughed and Avery soon joined in. It was easily the most vulnerable they had been with one another since they had started working toward repairing their relationship. Suddenly, the idea of taking a step back from Homicide and taking some time off from work seemed like a necessity rather than just a hopeful idea.

      “Are you doing anything this weekend?” Avery asked.

      “Unpacking. Maybe a date with Ma – the guy who shall remain nameless for now.”

      “How about a girls’ day with your mom tomorrow? Lunch, a movie, pedicures.”

      Rose wrinkled her nose at the idea but then seemed to seriously consider it. “Do I get to choose the movie?”

      “If you must.”

      “Sounds like fun,” Rose said with an edge of excitement. “Count me in.”

      “Great,” Avery said. She then felt a prompting – a need to ask something that felt weird but something that would be pivotal to their relationship going forward. Knowing what she about to ask her daughter was humbling but also, in a very strange way, freeing.

      “So you’d be okay with me moving on?” Avery asked.

      “What do you mean?” Rose asked. “From Dad?”

      “Yes. From your dad and that whole part of my life – the part of my life that made things rough for all of us. A big part of me moving on from that is not being chained by the guilt of what might have been. And I have to move away from your dad for that. I’ll always love him and respect him for raising you while I wasn’t there but he’s a big part of the life that I need to get away from. Do you get that?”

      “I do,” Rose said. Her voice had gone soft and vulnerable again. Hearing it made Avery want to go over to the couch and hug her. “And you don’t need my permission, Mom,” Rose continued. “I know you’re trying. I can see it. I really can.”

      For the third time in fifteen minutes, Avery felt herself inching toward tears. She sighed, and pushed the urge to cry away.

      “How’d you turn out to be so good?” Avery asked.

      “Genetics,” Rose said. “You might have made some mistakes, Mom. But you’ve always been kind of a badass.”

      Before Avery had time to even form a response, Rose stepped forward and hugged her. It was a genuine embrace – something she had not felt from her daughter in quite a while.

      This time, Avery let the tears come.

      She could not remember the last time she had been quite this happy. For the first time in a very long time, she felt as if she were truly taking steps to escaping the mistakes of her past.

      A big part of that would be talking to Ramirez and letting him know that she was done with hiding what had been growing between them. She wanted to be with him – whatever that looked like. Suddenly, with her daughter’s arms around her, Avery could not wait to have that discussion with him.

      In fact, she hoped it went far beyond a discussion. She hoped they’d end up doing much more than simply talking, finally letting the tension that had been building between them have its way.

      CHAPTER TWO

      She met with Ramirez three hours later, just after his shift had ended. He’d answered her call eagerly enough but had sounded tired. That’s why they had elected to meet alongside the Charles River, on one of the many benches that overlooked it from the walking paths around the eastern lip of the river.

      As she strolled up to the bench they had agreed upon, she saw that he had just gotten there. He was sitting down, looking out across the river. The tiredness in his voice showed on his face. He looked peaceful, though. She’d noticed this about him on numerous occasions, how he would get silent and introspective whenever presented with a scenic view of the city.

      She approached him and he turned to her when he heard her footfalls. He flashed his winning smile and just like that, he no longer looked tired. One of the many things Avery liked about Ramirez was the way he made her feel whenever he looked at her. It was clear that there was more than simple attraction there; he looked at her with appreciation and respect. That, plus the fact that he told her that she was beautiful on a routine basis, made her feel safer and more desired than she could ever remember feeling.

      “Long day?” Avery asked him as she joined him on the bench.

      “Not really,” Ramirez said. “It was filled with busy work. Noise complaints. A fight at a bar that got a little bloody. And I shit you not, I even got a call about a dog that had chased a kid up a tree.”

      “A kid?”

      “A kid,” Ramirez said. “The glamorous life of a detective when the city is quiet and

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