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isn’t any,” said the March Hare.

      “Then it wasn’t very polite of you[109] to offer it,” said Alice angrily.

      “It wasn’t very polite of you to sit down without invitation,” said the March Hare.

      “I didn’t know it was YOUR table,” said Alice; “it’s laid[110] for much more than three.”

      The party sat silent for a minute. The Hatter spoke first. “What day of the month is it?” he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it, shaking it, and holding it to his ear.

      Alice thought a little, and then said “The fourth.”

      “Two days wrong![111]” noted the Hatter. “I told you butter couldn’t help!” he added looking angrily at the March Hare.

      “It was the BEST butter,” the March Hare replied. He took the watch and looked at it unhappily: then he put it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could only repeat, “It was the BEST butter.”

      “What a funny watch!” Alice remarked. “It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell the time!”

      “Why should it?[112]“inquired the Hatter. “Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?”

      “Of course not,” Alice replied readily: “but that’s because it stays the same year for a long time.”

      “So does MINE,[113]” said the Hatter.

      “I don’t quite understand you,” Alice said, as politely as she could.

      “Well, you know, we quarreled with Time last March – just before HE went mad – ” (pointing at the March Hare,) “ – it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts where I had to sing.[114] I hadn’t finished the first part of the song when the Queen shouted: “He’s murdering the time! Off with his head![115]”

      “Oh, how cruel!” exclaimed Alice.

      “And since that,” the Hatter went on sadly, “it’s always six o’clock now.”

      A bright idea came into Alice’s head. “Is that why so many tea-things are here?” she asked.

      “Yes, that’s it,” said the Hatter with a sigh: “it’s always tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the things.”

      “Then you move round all the time, I suppose?” said Alice.

      “Exactly so,” said the Hatter.

      “But what happens when you come to the beginning again?” Alice decided to ask.

      “Let’s change the subject,” the March Hare yawned. “I think the lady will tell us a story.”

      “I’m afraid I don’t know any,” said Alice.

      “Then take some more tea,” the March Hare told Alice very seriously.

      “I’ve had no tea yet,[116]” Alice replied in an offended tone, “so I can’t take more.”

      “You mean you can’t take LESS,” said the Hatter: “it’s very easy to take MORE than nothing.”

      Alice helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter.[117]

      “I want a clean cup,” suddenly said the Hatter: “let’s all move one place on.[118]”

      He moved on, and the Dormouse moved on too: the March Hare moved into the Dormouse’s place, and Alice unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. But only the Hatter had a clean cup. Alice got the plate and the cup after the March Hare.

      She didn’t like it at all, so she stood up, and walked away; the Dormouse fell asleep, and nobody called her back. When she turned to look at them she saw that they were trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.

      “I’ll never go THERE again!” said Alice as she was walking through the wood. “It’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!”

      Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door in it. “That’s very curious!” she thought. “But everything’s curious today. I think I will go in at once.” And she went in.

      Once more she was in the long hall, and near the little glass table. “I’ll do better this time,” she said to herself, and first took the little golden key and unlocked the door into the garden. Then she nibbled at the mushroom a few times (a piece of it was in her pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the little corridor behind the door: and THEN – at last she was in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.

      Chapter 8. The Queen’s Croquet-Ground

      A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses were white, but there were three gardeners painting them red. Alice thought this was very curious, and she went nearer to watch them. They were quarrelling. Suddenly one of the gardeners noticed Alice who was standing and watching them. The others saw her too and all of them bowed low.

      “Would you tell me,[119]” said Alice, a little timidly, “why you are painting those roses?”

      One of the gardeners whose name was Two[120] explained: “It must be a RED rose-tree but we planted a white rose-tree by mistake. If the Queen knows about it we will all have our heads cut off.[121] So we are doing what we can before she comes…” At this moment the gardener whose name was Five cried: “The Queen! The Queen!” and the three gardeners fell down onto the ground. Alice heard the sound of many footsteps and looked round to see the Queen.

      First came ten soldiers who looked like the three gardeners, with their hands and feet at the corners; next were the ten courtiers ornamented with diamonds. Then came ten royal children; they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it didn’t notice her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts,[122] carrying the King’s crown on a cushion; and last came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.

      Alice stood still and waited. When the procession came near her, they all stopped and looked at her.

      “What’s your name, child?” the Queen asked turning to Alice.

      “My name is Alice, your Majesty,” said Alice very politely. And she added to herself, “They’re only a pack of cards. It’s stupid to be afraid of them!”

      “And who are THESE?” said the Queen, pointing at the three gardeners lying round the rose-tree.

      “How can I know?” said Alice, surprised at her own courage. “It’s no business of MINE.[123]”

      The Queen became red with anger and screamed “Off with her head! Off – ”

      “Nonsense!” said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.

      The King put his hand upon her arm, and timidly said “My dear, she is only a child!”

      “Can you play croquet? Скачать книгу