LITMIR.BIZ

      ISBN 978-5-0053-3450-3

      Created with Ridero smart publishing system

      Foreword

      This book is about two astronauts from a distant future. So distant that everything is different in it. It’s so utterly different that it’s very much familiar. In the far-off future, as one may expect, the word “okay” will finally be wiped out of all vocabularies. They will stop using it ever since! Indeed, why would anybody use this unnecessary word given that the good has finally triumphed over the evil! And it certainly will! There will be so little left of the latter that it will be deliberately grown in special pots so as not to forget what it looks like and what it is for. Evil will be so rare, and therefore so valuable, that everyone will want to grow a few of it to sell it later when it becomes even rarer and dearer.

      Meanwhile our astronauts move in completely outer space, carrying out missions for the System, keeping in mind their own interests and their flight safety at the same time. With every step they make they are threatened by cosmic dangers. But our friends always overcome them only to face some others, because they know where to look for them. But they never lose their hearts. That’s all because they studied well, helped the elders, did not harass the younger, helped the younger and did not harass the elders. They also helped the younger ones not to harass the older ones, and vice versa! To make it more pleasant for them to help each other, the System helps them too. The system helps everyone, even if it’s not asked for it. Because the System knows, the System remembers! And so well and so systematically everybody helps each other, that it just smokes everywhere! Astronomers mistake that smoke for nebulae, scattered in the Universe in cosmic disorder.

      The name of the younger astronaut is Hans. He’s recently graduated from the Academy of Navigators. He, like any young man, has a boss, a captain, whom Hans calls sir, because of the higher rank and age of his superior. The captain is rather a positive character! He is so positive that everything negative is attracted to him! However, he is good and he is kind somewhere out there, in another galaxy. But Hans is not as naive as one might think, (sometimes one needs to think, you know). The brave astronaughty boys also have robots, all kinds of other things and what not on their ship! And if you, dear reader, have reached this line, may I congratulate you on your good senses and wish you a cheerful mood to go on reading!

      Voyager

      – What The Heck is this, Hans, why have we stopped?

      – Probably the Russians, sir!

      – What kind of Russians can do that? We are in another galaxy! What is it in your hands? What sort of pathetic space junk?

      – I do not know, sir, it crashed into the board of the ship, we are losing air!

      – Give it to me! There it is! Quite strange! It is in our language: “As the Secretary General of the United Nations organization, blah-blah-blah, I’m sending greetings on behalf of the people of our planet…"… So, we’ve got the greetings from their planet, hooray! Another greeting like that, Hans, and we’re getting home no longer!

      – Yes, sir!

      – Come on, do something, we are returning to the base.

      – May I use this golden disk to patch the hole, sir?

      – That’s the best thing you can do with it, Hans! And shove their greeting there too!

      – There are funny drawings on the back of the disk, sir!

      – No time to laugh, Hans! We’ll rejoice when we reach the base.

      – Shall I request boarding with repair, sir?

      – I wonder, how could one be that smart, Hans!

      Password

      – Your password is incorrect, enter your password.

      – Hans, What The Head! I can’t enter the damned password into the system.

      – You changed it yesterday, sir!

      – Did I? What for?

      – I don’t know, sir, probably it has expired. Or you were in the mood for changing passwords.

      – Was I? And how am I going to operate the ship now?

      – We will request support from the base!

      – You’re out of your mind, Hans, we are in another galaxy!

      – Then I’ll drive the ship, sir!

      – But you don’t have access to the accelerator, and without that we will be stuck in space for thousands of years!

      – Try to recall the password, sir!

      – I’ve already tried it! “Genitals123” is not working.

      – This is your old password, sir.

      – When we return to the base, I’ll resign to hell and to its mother, if, of course, we ever return…

      – Try “Genitals234”.

      – It worked! You’re a genius. I declare gratitude to you for your extraordinary resourcefulness! With an entry into the register of the System!

      – Serving the System, sir!

      – How did you find out my passwords?

      – I peeped, sir!

      – Good boy!

      Avatars

      – What The Helix, Hans! We’re flying the wrong way!

      – I’ll correct the course in a minute, sir!

      – Hans, have you got a girlfriend?

      – Yes, sir!

      – Is she waiting for you?

      – I believe so, sir!

      – How do you know?

      – I text with her!

      – You’re out of your mind, Hans! We are in another galaxy! It takes light millions of years to get there! The same for the information!

      – Sorry, sir, my avatar corresponds with her. Rather, with her avatar.

      – Your avatar communicates with her avatar?

      – Yes, sir!

      – Directly or through hyperspace?

      – Directly through hyperspace, sir!

      – When your avatars have children, will you call one of their avatars by my name?

      – Sure, sir!

      Lonely

      – Hans, have you ever got lonely?

      – Sometimes it happens, sir!

      – And what do you do then?

      – I read the charters!

      – The charters?

      – Yes, sir!

      – You Read the Funny Manuals?

      – Yes, sir!

      – And does it help?

      – Yes, sir!

      – But how? How can this crap possibly help? I mean, in your case.

      – I think about all those people who wrote those instructions for us, who thought about us so that we are not lost somewhere in the void, that is, they took care of us, and I console myself that I am not alone in the Universe.

      – You do? Give me one of your charters! If there’s nothing else available…

      – Not at the moment, sir!

      Not flying

      – Hans, do you know where we are heading?

      – Sure, sir!

      – Where?

      – Sector

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