LITMIR.BIZ

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still, sir!

      – Mind! Our mission is not biological, historical or social!

      – Yes, sir!

      – Watch the screens, Hans!

      – Yes, sir! But look, here on the screen, we are surveying the planet! What a funny fluffy character is running. So cute with long ears! Its tail glimpses…

      – Sure! And there is another character after it, even more remarkable: shaggy, with teeth and claws. It is about to catch up! Jumped! Ugh! Turn it off immediately! Any more questions?

      – This is horrible, sir!

      – I told you, let’s fly on!

      Envelope

      – Permission to speak, sir?

      – Come on, Hans, what have you got?

      – We are flying and flying again…

      – Of course, we’re flying, what else can we do in another galaxy…

      – But we’re flying somewhere, sir?

      – Of course, somewhere! Everyone is flying somewhere, even not knowing about it – the Universe is expanding!

      – That’s not what I meant, sir. We probably have a mission, an assignment…

      – Of course, we do, Hans! We have it inscribed in a specially sealed envelope, in classified file, in closed access. It’s top secret!

      – Can we open it, sir, and see?

      – And what do you wish to see exactly?

      – Like, where we are flying…

      – What’s the difference, Hans? It’s the same everywhere! Galaxies, stars, nebulae. Besides, the envelope cannot be opened just like that without a reason.

      – It cannot, sir?

      – Of course, it can’t! It will self-destruct! We’ll be stuck in space during the whole trial, while they’ll investigate why we violated the instructions! And we’ll be either destroyed for a crime of the first category like spying and treason, or we will manage to shake off our accusations. In which case another sealed envelope will be teleported to us – exactly the same as the one we’ve tried to open! This envelope can neither be opened voluntarily nor destroyed.

      – Have you tried, sir?

      – Sure, I have, that is… Leave the talk!

      – Serving the System, sir!

      – Go on with that!

      Snake

      – Hans, look! Why do I see a snake? Am I dreaming or what? It looks like I see it in front of my eyes!

      – But sir, I can also see it!

      – What can you see?

      – A snake, sir, I guess, it is a green mamba, very poisonous and agile! I wonder how could it sneak here?

      – What The Heap! Checkup if it’s on the list of experiments; it might have crawled out of the vivarium!

      – We don’t have a vivarium on the ship now! I mean, on this mission, sir.

      – Where did it come from then?

      – Maybe it was teleported to us instead of some zoo by mistake, or it crawled into the transfer device by itself, sir!

      – You’re out of your gourd, Hans! We are in another galaxy! We haven’t entered the zone of possibilities for at least four weeks!

      – In other words, it is hungry, sir! So, it may be aggressive. If I were you, sir, I wouldn’t be waving my arms like that… It’s pretty close to you…

      – What The Helm! That’s the last thing I was dreaming about: to be bitten by a snake in space! Do something, Hans! After all, you’re a biologist!

      – In a jiff, sir. We’ll have to cool the room to eight degrees.

      – What for?

      – This will reduce its activity, sir. And then I’ll carry it to the cargo hold. I think I saw mice there.

      – Have we got mice, too?

      – Could be, sir, but don’t you worry, the snake will gulp them all down. And when we come by the zone of possibilities, we may teleport it somewhere.

      – Good idea, Hans. I think I even know where!

      – Where, sir?

      – You don’t need to know yet! It will be a surprise to the host…

      Doubling

      – Sir, sir, let me ask you something, ask you something?

      – What is it, what is it, Hans?

      – I have everything doubling-doubling, in my eyes, my eyes and everywhere-everywhere!

      – Like doubling? Doubling?

      – That’s right, that’s right!

      – What did you eat today? What did you eat?

      – I reckon, the same as you, as you, sir!

      – What did I eat, did I eat, Hans?

      – Same as me, as me, sir!

      – Hans! We entered the Singer-Singer resonance, resonance, urgently come on, come on, write a message, a message to the center! To the center! We have a problem, resonance-resonance, everything doubles, doubles, more pathos-pathos and words in reverse, esrever ni. Repeat eevveerryy lleetteerr ttwwiiccee! Let them teleport us immediately somewhere, somewhere or elsewhere, preferably closer to the sea and beer, before we get out of the zone of opportunity! The ship can explode to hell any minute! Don’t write to them about the beer, and the sea either! Now substitute “hell” with “uncharted horizons” and send!

      – It seems to have stopped, sir!

      – Don’t wait for it to repeat, to repeat, Hans-Hans! It may come back, come back any minute, any minute!

      – Serving the System, sir!

      – You can say that again!

      Spider

      – Hans, I think I’ve seen this nebula in reverse before.

      – I don’t quite dig it, sir!

      – Well, yesterday it was like that, but today, it is as if it was turned from left to right…

      – I’m afraid you’re right, sir!

      – What happened?

      – We passed that nebula, we now have it on the other side, sir.

      – What? But how did it happen, Hans? Did you slip through the rabbit hole? You can’t go there! It is strictly forbidden!

      – Yes, sir, but we’re on our way back already.

      – But how did you get there?

      – Due to a spider, sir!

      – What spider?

      – I let it out for a sec so that it could catch the fruit flies. Remember that experiment we did last week? The flies almost all survived, and some even got out of the container.

      – Hans, but they were infected with a virus.

      – True sir, that’s why I released a spider on them, I thought it would be easier to catch the spider after it had caught the flies…

      – Now you have to set a bird on it…

      – A bird, sir?

      – Well,

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