LITMIR.BIZ

      But the principal failing occurred in the sailing,

               And the Bellman, perplexed and distressed,

      Said he had hoped, at least, when the wind blew

                                                                      due East,

               That the ship would not travel due West!

      But the danger was past – they had landed at last,

               With their boxes, portmanteaus, and bags:

      Yet at first sight the crew were not pleased with the view,

               Which consisted of chasms and crags.

      The Bellman perceived that their spirits were low,

               And repeated in musical tone

      Some jokes he had kept for a season of woe —

               But the crew would do nothing but groan.

      He served out some grog with a liberal hand,

               And bade them sit down on the beach:

      And they could not but own that their Captain

                                                              looked grand,

               As he stood and delivered his speech.

      “Friends, Romans, and countrymen, lend me your ears!”

               (They were all of them fond of quotations:

      So they drank to his health, and they gave him

                                                                  three cheers,

               While he served out additional rations).

      “We have sailed many months, we have sailed

                                                                    many weeks,

               (Four weeks to the month you may mark),

      But never as yet (’tis your Captain who speaks)

               Have we caught the least glimpse of a Snark!

      “We have sailed many weeks, we have sailed many days,

               (Seven days to the week I allow),

      But a Snark, on the which we might lovingly gaze,

               We have never beheld till now!

      “Come, listen, my men, while I tell you again

               The five unmistakable marks

      By which you may know, wheresoever you go,

               The warranted genuine Snarks.

      “Let us take them in order. The first is the taste,

               Which is meagre and hollow, but crisp:

      Like a coat that is rather too tight in the waist,

               With a flavour of Will-o’-the-wisp.

      “Its habit of getting up late you’ll agree

               That it carries too far, when I say

      That it frequently breakfasts at five-o’clock tea,

               And dines on the following day.

      “The third is its slowness in taking a jest.

               Should you happen to venture on one,

      It will sigh like a thing that is deeply distressed:

               And it always looks grave at a pun.

      “The fourth is its fondness for bathing-machines,

               Which it constantly carries about,

      And believes that they add to the beauty of scenes —

               A sentiment open to doubt.

      “The fifth is ambition. It next will be right

               To describe each particular batch:

      Distinguishing those that have feathers, and bite,

               From those that have whiskers, and scratch.

      “For, although common Snarks do no manner of harm,

               Yet, I feel it my duty to say,

      Some are Boojums —” The Bellman broke off in alarm,

               For the Baker had fainted away.