LITMIR.BIZ

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Lilly was not bothering with me as much as she had used to. By the beginning of November, I decided I had enough of this, and I determined to find Lilly during lunch recess outside in the schoolyard. On a cloudy and breezy Tuesday after having lunch with Margie and Thomas, I marched outside and saw Lilly sitting at one of the picnic tables as she wrote feverishly in her notebook.

      I sat down beside her, and then suddenly, Beck himself came rushing over to us from the school cafeteria. We looked up at him in unison as he neared us, and it seemed he had seen a ghost as his face was ashen and pallid. “Girls, please don’t take this so bad.” My heart immediately dropped to my feet, but he continued without pausing. “Nicole saw two soldiers at Dale’s house this morning on her way to school. Thomas got a pass to go pay a visit to Dale’s parents, and they told him the news. Dale was killed in battle last week!”

      Lilly and I shrieked out in horror, and Margie came running over to us. Immediately, she burst out in tears and grabbed hold of Lilly as if she knew what happened. Beck took me by the hand and asked if I was all right. I heard Lilly saying “Dale,” and then Margie herself screeched out horribly. Suddenly, everyone came running toward us, and we were surrounded by our classmates crying and screaming. It was all so bizarre to me, and as I tried consoling Lilly, I just knew in my heart that Mac was okay. I don’t know how I knew, but I just knew. The rest of the week was grave, and everybody seemed to remain desperately quiet.

      We all attended the memorial service for Dale on Friday afternoon at the church. To tell the truth, I did not want to go. Any reminder of death, with Mac being so far away from me, was unwelcome even though I knew I had to attend. The service was both beautiful and yet extremely somber, and Dale’s entire family, including his father, cried throughout the entire occasion. I could not look at the photo of Dale, which was up by the podium, even though I am sure he looked handsome and dignified in his uniform. After the service, we all sat out in the backyard of the church where the ladies had prepared some food and drinks. At some point after conversing with most of the others, Margie and I sat together on the swing beneath the cotton tree. She had seemed preoccupied to me, and after a while, she looked me sternly in the eyes and said, “I don’t know if it’s my place, Corda, to bring this up, but I figure you need to know, and it’s now or never!”

      “Whatever could you be talking about, Margie? You’re frightening me!”

      “Well, you know how Lilly and Beck have been getting close, and how you’ve felt that they aren’t so close to you anymore?”

      “Well…yes, I suppose.”

      “Lilly had confided in me the week Chester had been called to serve. The reason for the two of them behaving as they’ve toward you is that Beck had fallen hard for you! He couldn’t understand why you kept on waiting for Mac to come home without even giving him a chance.” She paused, but as I was about to speak my mind, she went on. “Without even knowing it, you hurt him bad, Corda, and Lilly was there to pick up the pieces, so to speak. It’s not that she was being cruel, it’s more like she really fell for him when she saw how broken he had become over not being able to be with you.”

      I nodded, feeling both a bit confused and a little flustered. “Well, of course I was waiting for Mac and staying true to him. He’s my man, Margie! I thought everybody knew it. Why would Beck ever think I wouldn’t wait for him?”

      Margie blinked at me three or four times. I guess she was adjudging where my mind was at. “Look around, Corda. They’re dropping one by one. I know it sounds tough, but it is a hard-hitting fact, and I mean you no harm in the matter. I mean you to be prepared if it happens, that’s all. You’ve given the last three years of your life away to a man who hasn’t been here. Think about it. For me, it’s all right, because I’ve prepared, and I am quite flexible. I love Chester, as I had loved Dale, but I am a much more resilient and realistic girl than are you. And I don’t mean that as way of comparison, Corda. I mean that as a way of my love and friendship for you.”

      I stood up and knew I couldn’t stand hearing one of my closest friends question my behavior. Before the tears came flowing, I knew I must leave at once, and so I marched out to the street and all the way home. I had become so angry that I knew my only recourse was to write Mac. I would not share any of this negative news with him, as I knew he needed to be hearing about only the happiest of things from back home. As I wrote, I kept on thinking about tomorrow, knowing that I had a very busy morning planned, and then Mother and I were going to Mac’s house for dinner. I put Margie’s words out of my mind, and I set my sights on only that and nothing else.

      November 13, 1943

      Saturday night

      Corda Johnson

      815 N. Mont Clair

      Dallas 11, Texas

      TO: 1st Lieutenant Harold McSwain 01298898

      Company F 351st Infantry

      APO 88

      c/o Postmaster

      New York, NY

      My dearest Mac,

      I received the sweetest letter from you today, four pages. I didn’t think I was going to get one from you today, but the five-thirty brought me one.

      I started this over at your house, but they were talking about you, so I had to stop and listen. Here I am now in the kitchen with mother and the time was 12:30. Mother and I went over there about seven and just got back. Mac, I just love to go over there and be with your folks. I can’t hardly wait until Mrs. Lackie comes home. I miss her so much.

      All day today, I have looked for you. I knew you couldn’t come, but somehow, I was looking for you. My nose has been itching all day. My nose is a storyteller, isn’t it, darling?

      I met Herman’s wife today; she seems to be very nice. But of fun too. These Lackies are killing me, but I love them.

      This morning, I got up early and cleaned up the house for Mother. You should have seen it, it sparked everywhere. When I was in my room, I took up your picture and talked to you awhile. Really, I am not crazy, I am just in love.

      Went to the Lanoke Avenue Studio to tape my voice. Song I’m learning “Dearest Believe.” I couldn’t think of a word of it. She looked at me kinda funny and asked me, “Okay, Sue (she always calls me by my middle name), let’s hear about him.” So I told her about you, but I didn’t tell her you were married. I want you to meet her at Christmas; she’s very sweet to me.

      This afternoon about three-thirty, I went to a wild west show. My darling, it was exciting. All I did I just thought of you, how I wish you were sitting here by me holding my hand as you usually do.

      Mac, when I go over to the house, all Myrtle and I do is talk about you. I want to learn everything about you. I think I know almost everything. I wish I could tell you in letter just how I feel about you and how much I want to become your wife forever. Mac, I do love you very much, and if something should happen, I honestly believe I’d die it would hurt me so badly. When you do love a person as much as I love you, you don’t want anything or anybody else, you just want to be with that person all time, to know he is your very own to cherish and to love whatever might happen. Please, Mac, I don’t want you ever think I don’t want you, to ever think I don’t love you, or I’m just trying to play you as a sucker. I never have and I never will as long as I know you love me as much as you say you do. I want to always trust you in everything you ever tell me, and I will do you the same. I could talk to you much easier, but I do hope, Mac, you can see how I feel toward you. All the months you were gone, I tried to dislike you, but something just wouldn’t let me. Yes, I have cried over you many and many a night and just wondered if you if you ever thought of me and if you were really telling me the truth when I first met you. I don’t know why I bring things up like this, but somehow, they seem to be in my mind.

      Dad jut came in from work at 5:30 p.m. and wanted to know if we’d gone crazy. I have a crazy love with a Master Sergeant.

      Really, my love, I must get some shut eye so be very sweet and think of me often, for I love you so very much.

      Yours,

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