Tri-level Identity Crisis - Группа авторов

Скачать книгу

children usually experience a sense of lack of clear direction and ambition in terms of who they are, what they want to do with their lives and who they look up to for inspiration.

      Spiritual Dissonance

      The first generation immigrant parents who have grown in contexts where religion totalized their entire being—thinking, meaning making, behavior and choices—engender the same perspective as they bring up their children. However, their children are growing in a context where the religious and the secular are intentionally separated. The child is learning from school, teachers, sport coaches, friends, church and politics to live in a world of spiritual/secular dualism. When confronted by syncretism, the child is left in confusion and does not understand why the issues in discussion which seems purely an issue of logical analysis, bears a religious conviction in the mind of the parent. The child cannot understand why the parents are stressing so much on a choice that rests on their own logical analysis and conclusion. Meanwhile, the parent is stressing not because they do not see the logic of the child but because the issue at hand does bear a sacred significance and can have far-reaching consequences for the child and the whole family. Such misunderstandings can become a significant issue between parent and child when the child knows they can put up a logical argument about why they should be allowed to do what they wish as long as it is not harming another. For the parent, such insistence is perceived as defiance, and in many cases, moves against the religious foundation of obeying and seeking guidance of parents. One child, sharing with me their dilemma with parents stated, “I am twenty-two and an adult. Yet you have no idea the kind of guilt I feel every time I go to buy a beer!” This I believe is not an action that any Western young adult would have dilemma and dissonance over because it would not be an issue that has been communicated to them with sacred connotations. However, it is talked about by most immigrant families and this is exacerbated if the child is still living at home with the parents, a norm among immigrant families.

      In a similar way, immigrant parents have been known to interpret disobedience, and the embrace of what they consider as immoral values, not just as defiance but also as the influence of an external entity. In Africa as well as some Asian cultures, such would be easily characterized as the influence of an evil spirit. This may sound very strange to non-western parents because it almost sounds like a parent is pronouncing their child as evil. Far from it! It has more to do with the religio-cultural intertwinedness of religion and culture in interpreting life events as already discussed than it has to do with a negative perception of their child. For most non-western cultures, that which cannot be explained rationally, the default is to go to the religious spiritual world. The irony of this situation is that the more the child of first generation immigrant parents struggle to find their identity in a unique emotional wrangling crisis, the more their parents become convinced that they are under the influence of an evil spirit. The more the parents insist on perceiving the child’s behavior and choices as influenced by an external entity, the more the propensity of the child to engage in the undesired behavior as they experience isolation, dissonance and even show signs of mental illness.

      Conflicting Stages of Rites of Passage

      One of the most recurring patterns we find across cultures is the difference between parents and children in how developmental stages are perceived. While not necessarily unique to immigrant families, it seems more pronounced because of cultural differences. Take for instance the year sixteen, popularly referred to in the West as “sweet sixteen.” What makes this “sweet” for many western kids is that they can now apply for an interim driver’s license, some get their first cars, others can now begin to date, go to their first prom, and given extended curfew hours to hang out with friends, etc. The prom (which comes with being spoiled with an expensive dress and a dance,) becomes part of the rite of passage for this stage. These are experiences many western parents look back with some nostalgic feelings.

      Posing these sentiments to a non-western parent and asking them what “sixteen” meant in their experience growing up, many would venture that it was anything other than “sweet!” If they were living in a refugee camp, it meant greater responsibility to help parents care for the younger siblings or find work to help support the family. If they were young girls in the developing world, age sixteen might signify that they had become marriageable and under pressure to find a suitable partner to help escape the poverty at home. Where dowry is practiced, a poor family may look at their daughter’s marriage as a potential source of monetary income. For others, this age brings them to a rite of passage whereby males (or in some cases females) might be circumcised and secluded to be given specific instruction of what it means to be a young adult woman or man and the responsibilities of raising a family.

      Age eighteen is another good example to show the disparity in cultural markers. In the Western world, turning eighteen means that legal and social support systems now regard you as an adult. At this age, young adults can now buy controlled substances like tobacco; they can file their own taxes; they can differ with the wishes of their parents—and the legal system will recognize their wishes. They can drive with full license; they can even marry. While some of these same realities may be true in the non-western world, eighteen is not the magic bearer of adulthood; rather, it is the manifestation of responsibility. This adult responsibility is measured by relational rather than independent standards such as: respect shown to others in society, logical thinking that takes into account the well-being of the family or community, proper communication of feelings including respect for those older than oneself, fair treatment of the opposite gender during conflict, initiative in education and future vocation. These are the markers of adulthood for most non-western communities. If a teen is not exhibiting these or other traits that the community upholds, they are not considered to be an adult ready to face the world or raise their own family. Age is nothing but a guide signaling around when these real indicators should be attained.

      Movement through these ages creates a growing source of anxiety and conflict among children and parents of immigrant families. Each passage may involve numerous negotiations in the family with frequent fall outs and the felt impact exacerbated if it is perceived that these are relatively easy transitions for American families. Indeed, the mere act of argument with parents at this age may be deemed as a sign of immaturity and a lack of readiness for adult privileges and responsibilities!

      Though presented here as a source of dissonance both for the children and the parents due to their differing perspectives of the developmental stages, we believe that rites of passage have the power to help the child and parents integrate the two words amicably. They are therefore the focus of chapter nine as an effective mode of intervention among immigrant families.

      26. Cross, Negro to Black Conversion Experience, 13–17.

      27. Winnicott, Transitional Objects and Transitional Phenomena.

      28. Sue and Sue, Counseling the Culturally Diverse.

      29. Mbiti, Introduction to African Religions, 108.

      30. Kohut, Analysis of the Self, 41.

      31. Agwu, Acculturation and Racial Identity Attitudes.

      II

      Case Studies and Research

      Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

      Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».

      Прочитайте

Скачать книгу