LITMIR.BIZ

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up trouble for yourself, Lucinda. When he knows you’ve deceived him he will be angry.’

      ‘I do not wish to hurt my husband,’ Lucinda said. ‘He was angry with me when I told him why I left that day, though he insists that our marriage must continue.’

      ‘What do you want?’

      ‘I…love him,’ Lucinda confessed, her voice breaking. ‘At least, I love the man he was when we married. He seems so harsh now, but I know that is my fault for hurting him. Nanny, it is so hard, so very hard. I love them both. How can I choose one or the other?’

      ‘Perhaps it would not be necessary if you told him the truth?’

      ‘He would not accept her—how could I expect it?’ Lucinda asked, blinking back the tears that threatened. ‘It would break my heart to leave him and yet I must see her every day—I must!’

      ‘Well, there is nothing to prevent you while I am able to care for her—but that may not be forever. I am nearly sixty and she will need a home until she is old enough to care for herself.’

      ‘In time I shall try to make other arrangements, but for now I must leave her in your care.’

      ‘And you may do so safely,’ Nanny promised. ‘I love her as if she were my own, just as I loved you.’

      ‘Yes, I know, that is why I came to you.’

      ‘Where is your husband now?’

      ‘He went to London on business. I think he hopes that a little time apart will be healing for us both. The revelation I made was a terrible shock for him.’

      ‘How much worse might it be if he learned that you had a child—that you had lied to him? You must be careful when you come here,’ Nanny said and looked doubtful. ‘But we shall say no more. Play with the child while you have the chance. In time she will get used to your coming and going.’

      ‘Yes, of course. She must. Even if she lived with me I should only be able to see her a few times a day.’

      ‘Children belong in the nursery until they are older. It is the way of things amongst your class, Lucinda. It is just that at the moment she is fearful that she will be taken back to that dreadful woman,’ Nanny said. ‘That will not happen while I have breath in my body. If I had my way, that woman would be thrown into prison and left there to rot—and others like her who exploit children.’

      ‘How fierce you are, dearest Nanny,’ Lucinda said and laughed softly. ‘I see that I do not need to worry for Angela while she has you.’

      Lucinda was conscious of the housekeeper’s curious looks as she returned to the house later that day. Clearly the woman thought it strange that she had been gone for such a long time.

      ‘I should like some tea,’ she said. ‘It was such a lovely day that I walked farther than I knew. I will take tea in the small parlour at the back of the house, please.’

      ‘Yes, your Grace.’

      ‘Please, Mrs Mann, I would rather you called me “ma’am” or “my lady.” I am not used to such a grand title.’

      ‘As you wish, ma’am. I shall bring your tea at once.’ The housekeeper started to walk away, then stopped and looked back. ‘Miss Lanchester called earlier. I told her you had gone for a walk.’

      ‘Oh, how unfortunate,’ Lucinda said. ‘I should have liked to see her.’

      ‘Miss Lanchester asked if you would take tea with her this afternoon?’

      ‘Yes, I think I shall. I shall change my gown and you may have the carriage sent round. Please do not bother with the tea. I shall wait and take a dish with my friend.’

      ‘But you must be famished, ma’am. You’ve had nothing since breakfast.’

      ‘Oh…I took one of my breakfast rolls with me. I like to go for long walks and seldom need much in the middle of the day. You may tell Cook to give me an extra roll and biscuits in the morning—or a croissant or two. Also fruit, if we have apples or soft fruits that I may carry with me to nibble as I walk.’

      ‘Yes, my lady. If it is your wish.’

      Clearly Mrs Mann thought it a very odd request. Ladies in Lucinda’s position did not spend hours walking about the countryside alone and they certainly did not eat in public.

      Amused by the housekeeper’s ill-hidden disapproval, Lucinda went up to change for the afternoon. Angela had cried and clung to her when she left her and that had made Lucinda reluctant to leave, but Nanny told her the tears would stop as soon as she had gone.

      ‘Children often cry when their mothers leave them, but they soon get used to it. Angela will settle to a routine. I shall begin easy lessons soon and, as she begins to want to learn, she will not miss you so much.’

      Lucinda accepted her word. Nanny had had a great deal of experience of such things. Besides, Lucinda could not spend all her time with her daughter.

      Nanny had brought some books and toys with her, but she would need more as Angela grew. There must be a nursery here at Avonlea House, but as yet Lucinda had not visited it. She made up her mind that she would ask Mrs Mann about it that evening and then she would see what she could find that might be useful. All nurseries had old books and toys pushed away into cupboards; they would not be missed and she could take them to her daughter.

      Feeling much better about her situation, Lucinda hurried to change into a fresh gown. She did not think she would disclose her secret to Jane just yet, though she might have done so the previous day if Jane’s brother had not arrived at the wrong moment.

      Her thoughts turned to Justin and she wondered what the business was that had taken him to London. Was it important—or simply an excuse to put some distance between them?

      The meeting with his lawyer took longer than expected. It was late in the afternoon when Justin left his office and began to walk towards his club. He was feeling thoughtful, reflecting on the scene with Lucinda the night before he left her. She’d looked so beautiful when he went into her bedchamber and the scent of her had made him weak with longing. He’d known a fierce desire to sweep her into his arms and make love to her. It was merely his foolish pride that had kept him from making up their quarrel instantly.

      A quarrel of his making! Lucinda had not quarrelled at all. It was he that had driven a rift between them with his foolish pride. Now that he’d had leisure to reflect, he knew that she’d been placed in an intolerable position and he was angry, not with her, but himself for not being more understanding, and with all the people who had hurt her.

      He understood her father’s anger when her condition became known, but if she had been raped Mr Seymour’s anger ought to have been directed at the man who had taken such foul advantage of her.

      The past three days had given Justin time to come to terms with the shock and to reason things out in his mind. Lucinda had not set her cap at Justin. Indeed, she had given him no encouragement at the start, as if she felt herself unworthy or unfit for marriage. His persistence had brought her to a change of heart. While she ought to have told him the truth, he could understand her fear—especially if her heart was touched.

      If she loved him, as she professed, she would have feared his rejection. Yet she ought to have known that he cared for her and would listen to her story with sympathy.

      It was not her secret that had hurt him so much as her lack of trust, Justin thought. However, she had told him the truth now and he must respect her for that because…he did not wish to lose her. He was not certain why he disliked the idea of an annulment; it was not fear of scandal, though he would be loath to sully his family’s good name. No, it was more—an odd feeling that his life would become an empty wasteland if Lucinda were no longer in it. During the time she was missing he’d never allowed himself to consider his own feelings, but he’d never given up hope that she would be found.

      To throw away all the good that could come from his marriage

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