LITMIR.BIZ

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To hold him or her in your arms for the first time? She never gave much thought to it, afraid she wasn’t capable of being a good mother. Her own mother had taken her to Los Angeles when she’d left her father, but had been quick to hand her back when the new man in her life said he’d marry her as long as Kris wasn’t part of the package.

      The man’s wealth spoke strongly to her mother’s lifelong fear of ever being poor again, and Kristina had been returned to England and her other parent, who’d immediately deposited her in boarding school because he’d been too busy to be there for her.

      A sharp cry from Marjali and a tiny new life with the cutest face and a smattering of tight curls was delivered with one final push.

      ‘Oh, he’s beautiful.’ Kristina’s eyes moistened as she cut the cord and took the baby to check his temperature and general appearance before placing him on the scales attached to the nearby wall. Back home, with a weight of two kilograms, he’d have been admitted to the neonatal unit. Here all they could do was get nutrients into him so he might put on a gram or two before leaving. It could’ve been worse given the circumstances. Laying baby across his mother’s tummy, she said, ‘You made it look easy.’

      Zala looked perplexed. ‘Women have babies. It’s normal.’

      ‘You’re right.’ Again she wondered about the odds of having her own baby. Strange how she was thinking about this. She hadn’t found a man to love her no matter what, let alone have a baby with, a man who wouldn’t leave her to fend for herself while he went off to follow his own dreams. That should be enough to knock her attraction to Chase out of the paddock. Since joining this ship she’d seen him playing with some of the youngsters who came on board, laughing with them, chasing a football and making sure each kid had a turn at scoring a goal. He understood them, enjoyed them, so why not want a family?

      Crossing to a cupboard for cloths to clean Marjali, she passed Chase. ‘All done. One new little man has arrived in the world.’

      ‘That was fast. Does the baby appear healthy? In as much as you can tell without doing tests?’

      ‘A bit underweight.’

      ‘We’ll keep an eye on him while he’s with us.’ That was Chase-speak for making sure there were extra rations for Marjali over the coming days. What happened after she left the ship was out of their hands. Their job was to deal with these people for the time they were in their care, and then move on to the next intake.

      ‘Life’s so complex, yet Marjali makes this seem simple,’ she sighed, watching the woman cradling her son. Zala sat cross-legged, still talking non-stop, reaching out to touch the tiny bundle pushing into his mother’s breast, not knowing what to do when he found a nipple. But his mother did. Soon he was suckling. Whether he was getting anything nutritious was unlikely given Marjali’s malnourished condition.

      ‘Very unlucky for some,’ Chase said. Then looked directly at her, stealing her breath. ‘Sorry if that sounds simplistic.’

      ‘A lot of how our lives turn out comes down to where we are born, doesn’t it?’ There were the wild cards that life dealt when a person wasn’t looking but luck did contribute to how and where he or she sorted out those problems.

      ‘You think?’ His eyes sparkled and his mouth lifted into a weary smile.

      ‘I do.’ She smiled back, enjoying the connection without her hormones doing their dance. Then her back gave a stab of pain, and she tightened up, held still.

      ‘Hey, you okay?’ His instant concern could undo her resolve not to give in to the attraction between them. ‘You seem to be hurting more than usual.’

      He noticed that pain struck her sometimes? ‘I’m good. An injury I received in the army is playing up, that’s all.’ She gasped. She never, ever mentioned that, not even light-heartedly.

      His concern deepened. ‘Are you serious? Is that why you got out?’

      She shook her head, wanting to deny the truth. But she couldn’t lie. ‘I took an honourable discharge. My back acquired a dislike to humping around overweight packs and war gear.’ She’d tried for light and friendly, thought she’d succeeded until she saw something in Chase’s steady gaze that said he wasn’t fooled. Something that drew her to tell him, ‘I took a severe wound to my thigh and twisted my back. It’s taking time but I’m coming right.’ She turned towards her patient, needing to shut down this conversation.

      Chase said softly, ‘Glad to hear that, Kris.’

      Her eyes closed and her head dipped. ‘Kristina.’

      He chuckled. ‘Kristina.’

      ‘You...’ she spluttered as she turned back to him. ‘You’re deliberately winding me up.’ She laughed, for real this time.

      ‘Worth it to see your eyes widen as though I’d swiped one of your chocolate biscuits when you weren’t looking.’

      Which he had a penchant for.

      As Kristina absorbed Chase’s presence, her feet once again glued to the floor, the sparks that had flickered on and off between them since they’d met over Antoine suddenly became a raging fire in her veins. Worse, Chase was recognising her reaction.

      Definitely time to put any dumb ideas about letting this attraction rule her head into the recycle bin. The only way to do that was to front up and explain she wasn’t interested. In other words, lie her heart out. Tonight she’d do something about it, despite Chase never acknowledging the magnetism hovering between them. There were moments when he looked at her as though he wanted her. That was when her body really hummed; and her mind argued with it. Tonight she would not go to her bunk the moment she’d eaten dinner to get some sleep before the next draining shift began. No, she’d face up to Chase and deal with this annoying interference that crossed her day too often, sending her into an uncontrollable tailspin.

      * * *

      ‘Hey, Reid, how’s things?’ Chase settled his butt against the bulkhead of his private corner and stared out to sea, the phone hard against his ear.

      ‘I’m good. You?’

      Chase let out a long, satisfying breath. ‘Another day almost done; more people helped, saved, fixed.’ The relief was immense. He could rest easy—until the next day got under way. Ethan would understand where he was coming from. ‘Not sure you’re aware you left your tablet on board. I can send it out on the helicopter and have them courier it to you.’

      ‘Keep it there till I come back. I don’t need it for the next couple of weeks. Claire doesn’t leave me time for reading.’ Ethan chuckled.

      ‘Glad to hear she’s keeping you on your toes.’ Chase grinned, and couldn’t deny the envy sweeping through him. ‘You decided where you’re going to look for work after you finish with us?’

      ‘I’ve been talking to the local refugee centre. If there’s a vacancy coming up in Marseille then I want my name on it.’ Ethan filled him in on what he’d been doing since he and Claire had left SOS Poseidon.

      Chase listened avidly, enjoying the camaraderie—something he hadn’t known since he’d withdrawn from getting close to people after the loss of Nick. He was still hesitant about letting loose and talking about anything and everything, but every day over the past six weeks when Ethan had worked on board they’d inched closer and the tension had eased somewhat. He still wasn’t ready to let go the guilt about not saving Nick. And until he did that Reid would never get close.

      For a span of time, standing here in his own small zone, letting Reid in, he could almost accept he’d made up for the past, could almost believe he deserved a chance at a future. Almost. Until he hit the pillow and the memories came knocking, and Nick appeared in his head. Then he’d have to get out of bed to start over.

      ‘Anyone special in your life?’ Ethan asked. When Chase growled, he added sadly, ‘Just learning about you. You know?’

      Yeah, he knew.

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