LITMIR.BIZ

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Rafael even accept her comfort? What was between them now? What could be between them?

      ‘Hey.’ Her voice sounded scratchy and she licked her dry lips. She must have become a bit dehydrated out in the hot sun.

      Rafael looked up, his bloodshot eyes widening at the sight of her. ‘You’re awake. Here.’ He reached for a pitcher of iced water and poured her a glass, holding it to her lips.

      ‘Thank you,’ Allegra murmured, and drank. She scooted up in bed, pushing her tangled hair out of her face as she noted the haggard lines of his face, the bleak set of his mouth. ‘I’m okay, Rafael,’ she said quietly, and to her shock his face crumpled almost as if he might weep. ‘Rafael...’ she whispered, reaching out one hand, and even more to her shock he took it, his fingers interlacing with hers.

      ‘But you could have so easily not been.’ His voice was a ragged whisper as he clung to her hand.

      ‘I behaved foolishly,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’

      Rafael shook his head, the emotion reined in now but still visible in the lines of strain on his face. ‘I am the foolish one. You wouldn’t have gone off like that if I hadn’t driven you to it. If I had been more reasonable.’

      ‘You shouldn’t blame yourself...’

      ‘But who else am I to blame?’ Rafael returned starkly. ‘I am responsible for you, Allegra, and for our child, whether you like it or not. I cannot shirk or ignore that responsibility. I did once before and I will never do so again.’

      ‘When...?’ The word was a breath of sound. She realised she wanted, needed to know what drove Rafael. What made him the man he was. She wanted to know so she could understand him, but also so she could comfort him. So she could help. The strength of her own feeling surprised her, but she didn’t back away from it. This was too important. They were too important. At least she hoped they were.

      ‘My mother,’ he said after a moment. ‘My sister, in a different way.’ He pressed his lips together. ‘I lost them both, when it was my sacred responsibility to care for them. I failed them, failed my entire family.’ He looked away, blinking fast. ‘If I seem too controlling, it’s because I can’t contemplate the alternative.’

      Allegra felt tears sting her eyes at the pain she saw in Rafael’s face, heard in his voice. She didn’t understand everything but she knew he was hurting. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, reaching up to brush her hand against his cheek. ‘For all you’ve suffered.’

      Rafael closed his eyes, leaning into her brief caress, and then he pulled away. Opened his eyes and didn’t look at her. ‘In any case,’ he said, a stiffness entering his voice, ‘I will relax some of the measures I put in place.’

      ‘That still makes me sound like a prisoner.’

      ‘You’re not a prisoner.’ Now his tone was touched with impatience. Their moment of bonding was well and truly over. ‘You’re living in the very lap of luxury. I hardly see any reason to complain.’

      Allegra tried to tamp down on the frustration she felt rising again. ‘Don’t do that,’ she pleaded.

      Rafael looked startled. ‘Do what?’

      ‘Change. One minute you’re all solicitude and tenderness and the next you’re acting as if you can’t spare two minutes to talk to me. It makes my head spin. And it reminds me—’ She broke off, biting her lip, and Rafael’s eyes narrowed.

      ‘Reminds you of what?’

      ‘My father,’ she said after a moment. She leaned her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes. If he’d shared something of his past heartache, then so could she. ‘My father because...because after he divorced my mother I never saw him again, as you know.’ Her throat thickened and she swallowed hard. ‘And before the divorce...he loved me. He acted like he loved me, anyway. He called me his little flower. He tickled me, he tossed me in his arms, he gave me presents and tucked me in at night...’ She gave a trembling laugh and brushed at her eyes. ‘To have his love, to feel so important, and then to be cut off completely...it was awful, Rafael. The worst thing that ever happened to me.’

      ‘The loss of a father is a very hard thing,’ Rafael said after a moment.

      ‘How did you lose yours?’

      ‘He... An accident.’ He looked away. ‘A terrible accident.’

      Allegra wanted to ask more, ask about the history between their fathers, but in that moment she didn’t dare.

      ‘Your father left you that necklace in his will,’ Rafael said after a moment. ‘He must have cared, at least a little.’

      ‘Yes, but I don’t even know why he gave it to me.’ Allegra smiled sadly. ‘There was a note...he asked for my forgiveness, saying he’d cared more for his reputation than for me. But I don’t understand that at all.’

      ‘Who can say?’ Rafael answered. His voice was guarded, his jaw bunched. Allegra wondered what he knew and wasn’t telling. Or was she being paranoid?

      ‘I keep telling myself he really did love me. He must have loved me, but something happened...something that made him act the way he did, cutting us off. But I can’t imagine what it was.’

      ‘And I remind you of him.’ Rafael sounded cautious and diffident, and realisation scorched through Allegra.

      ‘Only because you keep changing,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s not as if—You don’t need to worry, Rafael, I’m not going to fall in love with you or something like that.’ She felt herself blush hotly as Rafael jerked back, almost as if she’d slapped him. Clearly the prospect of her falling in love with him was horrifying. Allegra rushed to fill the ensuing taut silence. ‘I’m not looking for love,’ she hastened to explain. ‘I’m not interested... I mean, any...relationship between us wouldn’t have to have that. I wouldn’t want it to have that. I want us to get along, of course, but... I’m not looking for love, not from you, not from anyone.’

      She finally, thankfully, managed to make herself stop speaking. Rafael had sat back in his seat, his expression terrifyingly inscrutable.

      ‘Why not?’

      ‘Because love hurts,’ Allegra said simply. ‘Doesn’t it? To let someone matter that much to you. To let them hold your heart...because hearts can break.’ She let out a shaky laugh. ‘I sound fanciful, I know, but the truth is I don’t believe that old adage about it being better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’

      ‘So you’ve never been in love? Romantic love?’

      ‘No.’ She drew a quick breath. ‘Surely you realised that, considering...considering I was a virgin.’

      ‘There’s a difference between sex and love.’

      ‘Yes.’ Although for her she wasn’t sure there was. Her one experience with sex had been far too intense and emotional.

      Rafael fastened his resolute gaze on her. ‘In any case, we will have a proper marriage.’

      A flush swept over her at the thought of what a proper marriage would look like. Feel like. Could she keep herself from loving Rafael, loving the tender, caring man he could be when he wanted to, if she gave her body to him again and again? ‘I haven’t actually agreed to marry you,’ Allegra reminded him.

      ‘Yes, but it’s only a matter of time. For our son’s sake, Allegra.’

      He was so aggravatingly arrogant. Allegra closed her eyes, overwhelmed by it all. ‘I asked you to give me time to get to know you,’ she said. ‘And for you to get to know me. But we can hardly do that when you hide away in your study all the time.’

      ‘I’m not hiding,’ Rafael snapped.

      Allegra opened her eyes. ‘Rafael, as soon as you’d brought me here you disappeared. I don’t care how busy you are, that’s

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