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      BEING IN hospital can make things very public, as Hilary found: ‘It was awful, that first time. I felt like I was on show, like everyone was watching me. I’m sure they weren’t, they were all too busy with their own nappies, but it was a very testing time. And I felt like Lucy was made out of china. I didn’t want to fasten the nappy too tight, so it fell off, and then I did it too loose and it leaked. Mind you, you get used to it very quickly.’

      Sometimes no knowledge can be a good thing, says Chloë: ‘Nobody ever came along and told us what we had to do or should be doing, because once he was born, they just left us on our own for the rest of the day and then we came home that same evening, so nobody was there to guide us. So that evening we thought we’d better change him and it was … I found it very exciting. It was very frightening, too, that first time, because he had meconium and I was worried in case he was suffering, and I kept thinking, “Is this normal?” But the most important thing was the excitement. I felt very excited to have him home and very happy. I wanted it like that.’

      John reckons it’s often the simple tasks that worry you most, in the beginning: ‘There were obvious things I didn’t know. Like, I didn’t know what the cream was for. I didn’t realise it was a barrier cream. It’s obvious now but I didn’t realise then, so I put as little of it as possible on and he got very bad nappy rash. So I could have done with a bit more guidance in those early days.’

YOUR BABY’S TEMPERAMENT

      ONE THING that will determine how tough or how easy you find the transition to parenthood is your baby’s temperament. Some are easier than others. Some babies actually seem to like being babies, and thus help make their babyhood a more enjoyable experience for all concerned, too; other babies seem to actively dislike being a baby. There are sighs of relief all round when they sit up, or walk, or turn into a toddler, whichever great achievement they seem to have been pining for.

      Wakeful

      IF YOU HAVE a baby who seems to need very little sleep – lucky you! You have an intelligent, smart child with great potential who will obviously do very well in life. At least that’s what everyone will tell you. And, if it’s any consolation, they’re probably right. Some babies are born wanting more – more of everything: more colour, more shapes, more talk, more walks in the park, more discussions over whether he’d like his bath now or later, or after the news.

      If the wakefulness just lasts during the day, it’s going to mean hard work for you, but parents often find that this sort of baby, hungry for stimulation, is quite happy to be passed from friend to friend and all around the grandparents. Invite round old friends, distant relatives – anyone who’ll dandle the baby on their knee while you get on with calm and relaxing tasks like cooking dinner for 35.

      Never underestimate how exhausting a wakeful baby can be. No matter how much you love someone, and no matter how much you love being in their company, it is very wearing to be 100% responsible for all their entertainment, as well as their meals, hygiene and bodily functions.

      This is where partners need to be very supportive of each other. Whoever comes home from a hard day at work needs to remember that the person who’s spent all day with the baby is in far more need of a break. They should try not to show too much surprise if greeted at the door by a partner holding the baby at arm’s length.

      If your baby’s wakefulness lasts late into the night as well – you have my sympathy. This is an exhausting phase. Everything you do will be coloured by your lack of sleep if you are dealing with sleepless nights. You will feel irritable, cross and desperate. But it is only a phase. For you and the baby. There are only two things which will cure your exhaustion:

       Time – all children sleep through the night eventually

       Sleep – can you have a nap when the baby does? Why not? Whatever needs doing, can’t it be put off? Your rest and your health come first.

      Sad

      SOME BABIES spend a lot of time crying. There’s no denying it. And there’s no denying that for much of the time in those very early days, we won’t be able to work out exactly why they are crying.

      Rose never discovered what upset her son as a baby: ‘One of the most useful things anyone ever said to me, in Sainsbury’s, when Thomas had grizzled for days non-stop was, “He’s one of those that just doesn’t like being a baby. He’ll be different as a child.” That really kept me going, because, as he grew, I began to see that it was true.’

      Cross

      AFTER WAITING for so long to meet your baby, and being overjoyed at his arrival, it can come as something of a disappointment to find that your baby seems less than enthusiastic about the world. Some babies seem to find it very hard to come to terms with the stresses and strains of babyhood: hunger, tiredness, the need to meet strangers – think how cross all these things can make you, and you get some idea of how your baby might be feeling.

      Louise’s son would scream and scream for hours at a time: ‘Nothing would calm him, nothing. No tears. Just this red face and so much anger.’

      CRYING IS at its worst in the first year of life, and at its very worst in the first three months. Unfortunately, this is just the time when you are most unsure of your skills as a new parent, and the crying can sound like an unfair judgement on your ability to care for your child.

      Chloë comments: ‘I used to think that I must be the world’s worst mother. He was only three weeks old and already I’d somehow got it monumentally wrong. Other women from my antenatal group had babies who’d taken regular naps practically since birth and it seemed like it was just me. It made me feel lonelier than ever when we were awake in the dark.’

      IT DOES HELP if you don’t compare your baby to other people s. How can there be any comparison between, say, a breastfed baby who weighed 61b 7oz at birth, and a baby who is given a bottle every four

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