LITMIR.BIZ

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her movements so sharp that Faith actually ducked. “Jesus, Holland,” Jess said, rolling her eyes. “You think I’m gonna slap you or something?”

      “No, no. I didn’t. I just...”

      “Whatever. Bye.”

      Jess was gone, ever the princess of manners. Didn’t matter. Dad’s potential wife was out there.

      Faith’s phone buzzed. It was a text from Colleen, for God’s sake. Faith had nothing against phones and texting, but really. Colleen was in the same building. She opted not to read it but speak to her friend instead. Maxine, a live human, was waiting for her, after all. Faith opened the door and went out, only to see her father standing there.

      “I really like her,” Dad said. “She seems really nice. Tall, isn’t she?”

      “Mmm-hmm. Great clothes.”

      Dad smiled. “I noticed that, too. Your mom was quite snazzy, too. Like you.”

      This time, the guilt punch wasn’t quite so strong. “Thanks, Daddy.”

      Her dad folded her into a hug. “I appreciate this, sweetpea. I really do. You’re awfully good to your dear old dad. So maybe I’ll swing by the booth, pretend I just dropped in, how’s that?”

      “That’s great.”

      Maxine was delicately nibbling on a nacho when Faith got back.

      Huh. Nail polish, definitely a professional mani, but there was something...

      “There you are! Hello again.” Maxine smiled.

      Her phone buzzed again. Colleen, being a pain in the butt. Still, two in one minute, it must be important.

      She clicked the “view” button. The message consisted of one word. She-male.

      Huh?

      Oh.

      Oh, no. No, no. Faith glanced at Maxine.

      Oops.

      “Faith, honey!” Oh, futtocks. It was Dad. “I haven’t seen you all week,” he said, winking to make sure she knew he was lying like a four-term senator. “How’ve you been?”

      “Hi, Dad,” she said in a faint voice.

      “Oh! How nice to meet you!” Maxine said. “I’m Maxine. You have an absolutely wonderful daughter.”

      “I couldn’t agree with you more,” Dad said, sliding next to Faith. “And two more like her, I’m happy to say.”

      Faith’s brain was white with commotion. She thought back frantically to the eCommitment profile she’d filled out for Dad...she had clicked on man seeking woman, right?

      “Hi, everyone.”

      Holy crap, it was Honor. So not good.

      “Sweetheart!” Dad said.

      “Hello,” Maxine said.

      Honor looked at her, then did a double take. “Oh. Um...hi. Sorry. I’m Honor. I...I didn’t realize...um, I didn’t mean to, uh, interrupt.” She gave Faith a look that was simply incredulous.

      “So, Maxine,” Dad said. “I had no idea Faith was meeting you tonight. What a happy coincidence. I just happened to drop in, and now you can meet two of my daughters! How nice!”

      So the old fox had decided to go for it, laying it on quite thick. “Dad,” Faith said, “Um, Honor has to speak with you, right, Honor?”

      “Absolutely. It’s kind of important, Dad.”

      “Sweetie, we live in the same house,” he said. “We can talk later. Sit down. Don’t be rude.”

      “Very nice to meet you, Honor.” Maxine beamed. Nice smile. Faith sighed. “You know, John, I think it’s lovely that your daughters are so involved in helping you find someone,” she said. “Really, girls. Your concern is so touching.”

      “Yeah,” Honor said. “I... Thank you.”

      “My son is here, too, somewhere,” Dad said. “Oh, there he is, at the bar. The big good-looking one.”

      “Takes after his father,” Maxine said.

      “Jack! Come over here,” Dad called. “Maxine, I hope you don’t mind. It’s a small town, and O’Rourke’s is our little hangout.”

      “I love Manningsport,” Maxine said. “I’ve been here before, actually. Prettiest town in New York, I think.”

      “It is, it is,” Dad said, nodding approvingly. He looked at Faith and gave her a little wink, as clueless as she’d been.

      Jack approached. “Hey, Dad,” he said. “Hi, I’m the son.” He stuck out his hand to Maxine, who shook it. Jack’s eyes widened. “That’s some grip,” he said, glancing in horror at Faith.

      “I have one more daughter who’s not here,” Dad said, beaming. “But you’ve met seventy-five percent of my offspring. And since they’re the most important things in my life, I guess it’s good to get that covered.”

      “A beautiful family,” Maxine said. “But I’m afraid I have to go. Too bad I didn’t know you’d be popping in, John! I have a dinner date with the lovely old gentleman who lives next door to me, and he barely gets out, so I’d feel terrible if I was late. But I hope we can see each other again!”

      “I think that would be great,” Dad said.

      “Yeah, no, that’s...that’s great,” Faith said. “Um, it was so nice to meet you.”

      Jack and Honor murmured in agreement, their faces a bit pained.

      Maxine got out of the booth and grabbed Faith’s hands. “Thank you, sweetheart,” and, yeah, husky wasn’t quite the right word to describe that voice.

      “Take care,” Faith said. She kissed Maxine’s cheek, getting a bit of stubble.

      “John, wonderful meeting you. Have a lovely weekend.” She tilted her head and waved, then off she went. Faith sat back down.

      “I really liked her,” Dad said. “Good job, Faithie. She’s lovely.”

      “Dad,” Faith said. “I, uh...Maxine is not going to be your girlfriend.”

      He paused. “Why?”

      Honor shook her head and sighed.

      “Well,” Faith began, hoping to break this gently. “Did you notice anything about Maxine? Anything at all?”

      Her father frowned. “She’s tall.”

      “That’s it, Dad. Run with it,” Jack said, taking a long pull of his beer.

      “Um...very warm and well spoken. Pretty.”

      “Pretty is not really the word here,” Jack said. “Wouldn’t handsome do better?”

      “Sure. I guess so,” Dad said.

      Honor sighed, and turned to look at their father. “Dad, Maxine is a man.”

      Dad blinked. “What?”

      “She’s a man, Dad.”

      “No, she’s not.”

      “Oh, but she is,” Honor said, taking a nacho covered in cheese.

      “But she—”

      “No, Honor’s right,” Jack said. “It’s a boy.” His shoulders started shaking in a silent laugh.

      “Oh,” Dad said. “Uh...oh. I see.” Then he bit his lip and started laughing, too.

      Honor rolled her eyes. “Colleen, can I get a very strong martini?” she called. “Bone dry, three olives.” She looked at Faith. “I’ll

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