LITMIR.BIZ

       CHAPTER I

       MY FIRST MEETING WITH THE BARON

      (From the late Mr Bickerdike’s ‘Apologia’, found in manuscript)

      SOME few years ago, in the month of September, I happened to be kicking my heels in Paris, awaiting the arrival there of my friend Hugo Kennett. We had both been due from the south, I from Vaucluse and Kennett from the Riviera, and the arrangement had been that we should meet together for a week in the capital before returning home. Enfants perdus! Kennett was never anything but unpunctual, and he failed to turn up to time, or anywhere near it, at the rendezvous. I was a trifle hipped, as I had come to the end of my circular notes, and had rather looked to him to help me through with a passing difficulty; but there was nothing for it but to wait philosophically on, and to get, pending his appearance, what enjoyment I could out of life. It was not very much. The Parisian may be a saving man, but Paris is no city to save in. It is surprising how dull an empty purse can make it. It had come to this after two days, either that I must shift my quarters from the Ritz into cheaper lodgings, or abandon my engagement altogether and go back alone.

      One afternoon, aimless and thirsty, I turned into the Café l’Univers in the Place du Palais Royal, and sat down at one of the little tables under the awning where was a vacant chair. This is a busy spot, upon which many streets converge, and one may rest there idly and study an infinite variety of human types. There was a man seated not far from me, against the glass side of the verandah whose occupation caught my attention. He was making very rapidly in a minute-book pencil notes of all the conspicuous ladies’ hats that passed him. It was extraordinary to observe the speed and fidelity with which he secured his transcripts. A few, apparently random, sweeps of the pencil in his thin nervous fingers, and there, in the flitting of a figure, was some unconscious head ravished of its most individual idea. It reminded me of the ‘wig-snatching’ of the eighteenth century; yet I could not but admire the dexterity of the thief, as, sitting behind him, I followed his skilful movements.

      ‘A clever dog that, sir,’ said a throaty voice beside me.

      It came from a near neighbour, whom I had not much observed until now—a large-faced, clean-shaved gentleman of a very full body and a comfortable complacent expression. He was dressed in a baggy light-grey suit, wore a loose Panama hat on his head, and smelt, pleasantly and cleanly, of snuff. On the table before him stood a tumbler of grenadine and soda stuffed with lumps of ice, and with a couple of straws sticking from it.

      ‘Most,’ I answered. ‘What would you take him to be?’

      ‘Eh?’ said the stranger. ‘Without prejudice, now, a milliner’s pander—will that do?’

      I thought it an admissible term, and said so, adding, ‘or a fashion-plate artist?’

      ‘Surely,’ replied the stranger. ‘A distinction without a difference, is it not?’

      No more was said for the moment, while I sat covertly studying the speaker. He reminded me a little of the portraits of Thiers, only without the spectacles. A placid, well-nourished benevolence had been his prominent feature, were it not somehow for the qualification of the eyes. Those were as perpetually alert, busy, observant, as the rest was seemingly supine. They appeared to ‘peck’ for interests among the moving throng, as a hen pecks for scattered grain.

      ‘Wonderful hands,’ he said suddenly, coming back to the artist. ‘Do you notice anything characteristic about them now?’

      ‘No,’ I said. ‘What?’

      He did not answer, but applied for a refreshing moment or two to his grenadine.

      ‘Ah!’ he said, leaning back again, with a relishing motion of his lips. ‘A comfortable seat and a cool glass, and we have here the best café-chantant in the world.’

      ‘Well, it suits me,’ I agreed—‘to pass the time.’

      ‘Ah!’ he said, ‘your friend is unpunctual?’

      I yawned inexcusably.

      ‘He always is. What would you think of an appointment, sir, three days overdue?’

      ‘I should think of it with philosophy, having the Ritz cuisine and cellar to fall back upon.’

      I turned to him interestedly, my hands behind my head.

      ‘You have?’

      ‘No, but you,’ said he.

      I was a bit puzzled and amused; but curious, too.

      ‘You are not staying at the Ritz?’ I asked. He shook his head good-humouredly. ‘Then how do you know I am?’

      ‘There is not much mystery in that,’ said he. ‘You happened to be standing on the steps when I happened to be passing. The rest you have admitted.’

      ‘And among all these’—I waved my hand comprehensively—‘you could remember me from that one glimpse?’

      He laughed, but again ignored my question.

      ‘How did you know,’ I persisted, ‘that my friend was a man?’

      ‘You yourself,’ said he, ‘supplied the gender.’

      ‘But not in the first instance.’

      ‘No, not in the first instance,’ he agreed, and said no more.

      ‘You don’t like the Ritz?’ I asked after an interval, just to talk and be talked to. I was horribly bored, that is the truth, by my own society; and here was at least a compatriot to share some of its burden with me.

      ‘I never said so,’ he answered. ‘But I confess it is too sumptuous for me. I lodge at the Hôtel Montesquieu, if you would know.’

      ‘Where is that, may I ask?’

      ‘It is in the Rue Montesquieu, but a step from here.’

      ‘I should like, if you don’t mind, to hear something of it. I am at the Ritz, true, but in a furiously economical mood.’

      ‘Certainly,’ he answered, with perfect good-humour. ‘It would not suit all people; it does not even figure in the guides;

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